Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

10 weeks pregnant (3rd pregnancy) and husband has literally abandoned me. Alone

10 replies

SnuggleLump · 15/06/2018 15:26

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant and my husband has physically and emotionally abandoned me.

I am home alone. Scared. Heart broken. No money as he controlled it all (I haven't worked for nearly 4 years as I've been battling several autoimmune diseases and I never thought I'd successfully conceive).

I lost two children 4 years ago so although this is my 3rd pregnancy, it is really my first child for the third time (sensitive subject).

I could go on and on about how a bad provider and how irresponsible my husband has been since finding out I am pregnant but to be honest, I have only a few tears left.

My family and friends all turned their back on me because they don't like my husband. Despite their harsh abandonment, I have made an effort to re-establish contact but they have disowned me. So I am just dealing with that.

My husband has ran off to his dads house after a court issuing him with a Domestic Abuse Protection Order against him. He is so selfish and self centred. Daddy is probably giving him lots of money because my husband can do no wrong.

I have emailed him about a scan appointment I have received this morning. Nothing. No apology. No remorse. Nothing.

I am alone. Depressed. Isolated and have no idea how I am carrying on at the moment as I have no one to turn to. Not a button and it is even more upsetting.

I have had and am still contending with HG as well as having no money, so going out isn't a choice. So I'm home bound and desperately need some Gaviscon advance.

I guess I am unlovable and meaningless for the so called important people in my life to treat me like this.

My so called husband is the biggest 41 year old infantile pathetic biggest mistake of my life.

I don't even have a friend to be a birthing partner.

Jesus Christ, can life get any worse? I think it did.

OP posts:
mumofmunchkin · 15/06/2018 15:43

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and that your family isn't supporting you. Do they know about the abuse?

I don't have much advice, but wanted to hold your hand a bit. By the sound of it, you could just do with some kind human contact. Are there any antenatal classes, pregnancy yoga classes etc near you that you could join just to meet some new faces and begin to build some new relationships?

SnuggleLump · 15/06/2018 16:52

@mumofmunchkin Your kind words bring floods of tears to my eyes and down my cheeks. I have disowned my family now - imagine all those years ago at secondary school where there was always a bunch of female bullies and gossips to make your life difficult - that is my family in a nutshell. Even if they decided to speak to me they wouldn't offer any support. I left home at an early age of 17. I guess that says it all.

I was thinking about swimming as I was a Mermaid once upon a time ago but I have lost all confidence and nerve to go out unless it is at night and I really have to. Usually to the hospital or out of hours doctor.

The cereal in my cupboard will only last me so long and the milk only a couple of days so I am thinking of selling my wedding rings which is heart breaking. Then again, my so called husband suddenly 'lost' his wedding band a couple of weeks ago. He expected me to replace it! With what money I don't know! It was hard enough selling my things, once upon a time ago, to actually buy his original ring. His ring was never good enough for him anyway as it was Titanium and not 18ct Gold. I don't work and spend most of my time ill so I couldn't have afforded it anyway.

Yes, I need human contact but can I trust anyone anymore? My husband is a compulsive liar and I guess that has worn me down to distrust the world. He promised me the world and gave me empty words in the process. I swear if social services come near me I will leave the country so I am not even going to tell my midwife who is already incredibly nosey and I find it very intrusive and unapproachable.

I had no idea he would act so differently and negatively to this pregnancy that has been planned for some 15 months now. He is irresponsible and reckless as well as immature and a criminal record now longer than your average monthly shop.

I feel so stupid. It is all my fault for not leaving sooner. Now I'm stuck in a house and county that I don't even want to be in. Getting legal aid is my next challenge as I don't claim any benefits apart from PIP for my long term disability. To be honest, I can't face the stress of going into that awful place called the job centre...pregnant (and showing already), depressed, soulless and ground down just to face an uptight advisor asking more intrusive questions.

Little did I know that I would be facing this pregnancy alone which has been seriously hard already. I'm just coming out of a life threatening IBD flare where I lost a lot of blood, hyperthyroidism which my heart thinking about giving up on me (I have severe hashimotos disease but pregnancy has over stimulated my thyroid gland to dangerous proportions), Hyperemesis, inflamed joints as a result of active ulcerative colitis...I'm having to take a lot of medication. Life right now is toilet, bed, eat, drink, bed, toilet and repeat.

When he was in prison he made an effort to contact me by any means illegally possible. Now he is with rich daddy, sucking up all his money and sympathy (because my ex is ALWAYS the victim and does no wrong) and he hasn't as much as ask if I am ok or made sure I have any money to eat. His debts keep rolling in, especially gas and electric and water bills which he said he had taken care of but hasn't.

He thinks he is providing....nope. I have provided some baby basics by selling what valuables I have left on eBay. Now I'm considering selling my wedding rings just so I can put fuel in my tank for antenatal and hospital visits and to provide myself with food.

I knew I should never have relied on him but I have been so seriously ill these last 4 years with the last 2 months being the most life threatening I have ever encountered.

Is it my hormones? Do I expect to much according to what he says as his word? Am I delusional to think he could ever be an honest man?

I helped him stop drinking alcohol like it was water. I helped him cut down on smoking. I sorted the house I moved into with him, from a hoarding waste site to a carpeted, hygienic beautiful smelling, organised home. I healed him from his last traumas so that he could at least function happier as a human being. I opened him eyes to intuition, and the simple things in life other than money.

Yet, I feel completely emotionally and physically drained, even before I was pregnant, I give and he takes takes takes takes takes. Where is my emotional support, counsel, safety net?

His constant lies of big and small have taken their toll. I no longer trust or respect him anymore. Everything he says takes a great degree of assessment on my part but then again, my intuition always tells me that something is amiss. Deception, lies, manipulation - whatever he tries to dress it up as; they all are one and the same. Lies.

I don't even think I can leave the house anymore. I feel incredibly incapacitated mentally and physically.

I can't believe he has abandoned me. I know he isn't allowed to contact me but that didn't stop him in prison. I have been hospitalised so many times in the last 2 months just to keep me live and yet he can turn his cheek and back to me knowing it will hurt me the most. He isn't just hurting me, he is hurting his own, first child as well.

I wanted to enjoy this pregnancy despite its health bumps as it is my new start to love and cherish another human being once again. Instead it is turning out to be a nightmare of abandonment and uncertainty.

If you were to see me writing this now, you would think what a sorry existence I have right now. But he's ok with rich daddy and grandma. Getting all the money and opportunity to act out his victim performance because, he does no wrong. He is still a spoilt only child at 41 years old.

"What's that son? You hit a man and got 2.5 years in prison? Here's a wodd if cash you poor thing. Yes the police are corrupt and it is not your fault. What's that son? You pushed your wife out of your car doing 60mph? She is to blame! Here's some cash you poor thing."

Blah. I'm over this human existence already. All I want to be is purely and truly loved and cherished consistently and not taken for granted.

OP posts:
Fluffy05 · 15/06/2018 17:15

Why do you want him to contact you if he’s been violent towards you?

Soubriquet · 15/06/2018 17:20

Oh OP I'm so sorry.

Where abouts are you? If you're nearby I would love to help but I'm betting youre not.

I'm sorry your family have disowned you.

My family are the same about my Dh. They hate him. Only difference is the will still talk to me alone and my Dh isn't abusive.

Can you call your midwife for help? She may be able to refer you to someone who might help

SnuggleLump · 15/06/2018 17:22

Typical comment from someone who has no idea of the complexities of domestic abuse. I am having a baby with him for a reason, perhaps I loved him and as a human being I still actually have feelings and emotions they don't just suddenly turn themselves off. Oh silly me, I should shut them off, have the baby on my own with no financial or otherwise support which scares the shit out of me and disown him completely then go through a lengthy family court battle. Stupid me and my human emotions of love and loyalty. Stupid stupid me. Thanks for your insensitive and clueless comment. It made me feel LOADS shittier. Great support as I'm adjusting to this new life 👍

OP posts:
SnuggleLump · 15/06/2018 17:29

@Soubriquet I am so glad your family still talk to you. It makes all the difference to your well being doesn't it?

I'm trying to look forward to the next scan date on 10th July. I have a fetal doppler which I hear my baby's heart beat every day and comfort myself in the knowledge that I am not alone as I have a little heart beat inside of me.

I'm feeling pretty wiped out and Ill today but I'm going to try and make some money on eBay for make ends meet.

I just wish my soul would ignite again as I feel like a candle that has gone out. When you have been controlled and manipulated by someone for so long and have suddenly woken up to the realities of it; I am struggling to get to grips with everything which includes feeling of abandonment. I had coped by building up this great image of him and ignoring the bad but I can't fool myself anymore. So in essence he abandoned me so many times what what he has done to me. I have been vulnerable for a while especially since my two children passed in an accident caused by my Ex 4 years ago (4 and 9 years old).

I'm living miserably in North Wales right now. Not really suitable for someone who has an Oxfordshire 'posh' accent as I get prejudged all the time.

Thank you for your sensitivity in this complex and difficult situation I am in. It means a lot.

OP posts:
Lunde · 15/06/2018 17:29

Can you contact your GP, Midwife or SS and get a voucher for a food bank to tide you over?

Do you work or claim benefits?

Soubriquet · 15/06/2018 17:31

Yeah you're very far from me unfortunately

And funnily enough, having my family talking to me makes things worse at times.

I'm very low contact with my family due to the shit they have said about my Dh. They have accused him of hitting me and refused to believe it when I said no. He would never lay a finger on me Angry

Please do contact your midwife though. She might be able to help

Mama0 · 15/06/2018 19:30

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm sorry I don't have much advice but stay strong for you and your baby. Focus on that, I know that's easier said than done and maybe search for support in your area?
Some times as much as it's hard at first some people are better out of our lives. Hope it all works out for you. Sending lots of positivity your way

IncyWincyMouseRat · 16/06/2018 06:16

Social services can be a tremendous support in times like this, please do not just assume that they are out to get you. You need to speak with your midwife or GP about your mental health and well-being going forwards as you are going through a very traumatic time currently and it is essential that the right support is accessed now. I would also urge you to contact women’s aid or a local domestic abuse charity and discuss your circumstances with them.

Your husband is not someone who you need to be around currently. Please stop trying to contact him. There is a reason that he was issued a court order and clearly it is felt that you and your baby are safer without him.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.