Partner doesn’t want pregnancy

[Morgan02]

Hi all fist day here. So I work full time and I’ve found out Monday I’m pregnant. I’ve wanted another child for about 5 years. Was briefly with current partner 10 years ago which broke down. I had a termination i was physically unwel and mentally I’ve never dealt with mainly due to the fact he went on to have another child not long after. Since finding out he’s gone mental. I’m a liar, I’ve trapped him, you name it. We had brief disagreement last week as he’s a heavy social drinker and undergoing a divorce. We have been together 18 months. We have discussed children and agreed initially then he changed his mind and was asking me to restart contraception. I tried but didn’t have a last period date. We are unsure how far along I am and I’m terrified he’s asked me to choose him or the baby. I can’t do that. I worry about child care costs and support. I have minimal family as it is. I am 39 and my other child left school today. What do I do? We can’t even speak face to face this week and he’s angry and cold. It’s running me down. Already I’m full of flu and do I go with my heart or my head?!

I'm sorry you're in this position.

I think you need to consider, if you have an abortion to save the relationship, how will you feel in the relationship after? Will you resent him for having pushed you to that? You can't turn the clock back, and he needs to understand than an abortion doesn't mean that the pregnancy never happened for you, and there will potentially be repercussions to deal with (I'm saying this because you say you were physically and mentally unwell after a previous abortion).

My OH was the same when I fell pregnant with my DD, he was going through a divorce too and has a DD with his exW.

It was awful, he was saying I’d trapped him and that I’d done it on purpose. I had bleeding at 7 weeks and had to have an early scan to make sure all was ok thankfully it was! We decided to keep the baby after that but then he started to get anxious about his ex finding out and at 12 weeks - afterwed had our scan and told family/close friends told me that he wanted me to have an abortion. I was absolutely devastated and told him that I’d be a single
mum if I had to be but there was no way I was aborting our baby at that stage.

5/6 years on and we’re still together. H was a shit doing and saying what he did but he’s acknowledges that he was and barely a cross word has passed our lips since. His ex being a twat and he worry of the effect it would have on his DD was too.

I’m just saying, he may calm down after the initial shock. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

My dear, the relationship is over if you have the abortion as you will hate him. And if you keep it, it's highly likely that it's over. So what do you want to do? Money will come. Can you do this alone. Can you get some time out to clear your head? You know you can do this without him, but is this your plan. Sounds like you don't need this partner...

The options are that he may calm down after the initial shock, or you need to consider your relationship over. Whether you decide to keep the baby or not. If you keep the baby it is over to him. If you don't you will resent him and the relationship will be over anyway.

Personally think if you had a termination your whole relationship afterwards will be full of resentment. I'd give him some time to reflect on how he's acted and he may, hopefully, come round eventually

i think you need to give him some time, you dont need to make a decision straight away. My OH was adamanent at first that we should get rid of baby (still living at parents home etc) but he came round eventually and now some days im sure hes more excited than i am lol
i dont know how far along you are but you probable have a few weeks to make a final decision, let him feel it out and sit with it xx