2nd pregnancy. In shock and petrified

[Mummajade]

After 5 years of trying we had our beautiful son last June with the help of ivf. As soon as I was pregnant that time I was so happy and jumping for joy. Finally our wish had come true. Now, his a year next week, I did a pregnancy test last weekend and it was positive. We haven't told anyone yet. My husband is happy and as much as I always said I wanted 2 children, I never thought it would happen naturally, let alone so soon. I feel so confused and scared. Having 2 so young will be hard. My boy is very much a mummies boy and I feel bad that he'll now share me. I pictured just us for a while and now that's changed. Stupid I know as clearly it wasn't immaculate conception but I honestly didn't think it would happen and we literally had I intercourse once that month!!! You read about this but never thing it'll be you. I'm so afraid I'll begrudge the new baby and how will I love it as much as my boy. I know I sound stupid and selfish. Just feel so alone as my husband doesn't understand bless him and noone else knows.

First of all congratulations!

Secondly your DS will be fine! I felt the exact same when pregnant with my (albeit planned) second. I felt such guilt over my oldest having to share me.

OMG I needn't have worried myself over it. Us parents have enough to kick ourselves over after all! My kids are thick as thieves and adore each other. Plus the oldest doesn't remember a time without his baby brother and neither will yours.

My heart swells when I watch them together. It is so cute.

You're in shock, understandably. When you get used to the idea you'll start to get excited.

Try not to worry and enjoy your little miracle.

Good luck with you pregnancy!

Omg I'm crying. So good to be able to talk to someone. Thank you.
My husband said the same, that he won't remember a difference. Plus our boy loves other babies and kids.
Just can't switch off, no matter how my h I try and reassure myself, I just cry. Then I feel bad for the new one. God this is a hard cycle. X

My second was a 'surprise' - just 15 months between them. It was hard work, but you get all of the baby stuff out of the way, and they are real playmates for each other as they grow.

I'm just about to have number two. Baby 1 will be not quite 18 months. Difficult first year with her and I'm a bit sad also that it's not going to be just her and me, especially now that we're over PND and bonding problems and I am finally besotted with her. I completely understand your apprehension. A baby is hopefully a blessing however and whenever they come. For you and your first. It will be fine.

Wishing you a healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy. Congratulations!

Thank you. Good luck to you too. I feel so bad like I should be so happy and grateful yet I'm sad and almost feel robbed of time with my first. Yes hopefully they will love each other and be playmates xx

I totally understand how you feel. I had my second less than a year after my first. Although I was very happy about it. But 3 years later I found out I was pregnant with my dd. I won't lie I was devastated, we hadn't planned for it to happen and I literally cried for a month. I knew I couldn't end the pregnancy though, but even up to the day before I had her I really didn't feel any excitement, just dread to be honest. But she was born and the love I had for her instantly just blew me away. Its not easy with 3 little ones but she's amazing and we all absolutely adore her. She was definitely meant to be. I bet you'll be the same but please try to enjoy your pregnancy, I really regret feeling the way I did, if I'd known it would be ok I would have relaxed!
My first 2 are like twins they are so close and they are best friends, yours will be too.

Thank you so much. Your words are helping. Just broke down to my husband so opening up x

I completely understand how you feel op, I felt that way when I got pregnant with ds2. I loved time with our eldest and wasn’t feeling ready to give up that one-on-one time with him yet. Fast forward four years and they are best friends and such good playmates. It’s a lovely relationship to see develop.
I’m expecting dc3 now and feel pretty much the same again! (they will be losing my attention, hard to split time between three etc) so this thread is a timely reminder for me too!

I have two little girls 21 months apart, both through IVF. When DD1 was nearly one I felt ready for another and didn't want to wait due to my age and the fertility issues. They're now 3 1/4 and 18mo and so sweet together. When they see each other first thing in the morning their little faces light up and they're always kissing and cuddling each other. Yes they also fight and scream at each other. But on balance they gain so much more from the relationship than they lose. I think having a sibling is a great life lesson - they will learn so much from the relationship that they'll need later on in life.

A few weeks ago I found out I was expecting DC3, a natural miracle seeing as we have male and female factor infertility. We were both quite open to having three, but we definitely weren't ready, as DD2 is hard work and a terrible sleeper. I'm worried about how I will have the patience to deal with 3 under 4 but have no worries about bringing another sibling into the mix as Ive seen how it can bring out the best in them.

Personally I'm happy to have small age gaps. I think it's easier for the kids as they won't remember anything different. A big gap on the other hand is much harder for the older sibling I find.

Good luck!

My second was totally unplanned, ds was only eight months and I just didn't think the risk of pregnancy was very high the one time we were careless. So we were a bit shell shocked!

It was hard with the two of them when they were little, and I recommend as much help as you can get, but it really has been such a pleasure ever since. Even now they are almost grown (dd finishes school this year) they are very close.

It is very common to worry about sharing your love with a second child, there really isn't anything selfish or stupid about feeling like that. It's a massive change and one most people get to prepare for a bit (although personally I was glad in retrospect not to have planned dd, she just happened when she happened with no worries about getting the gap right etc). I really do think it will be OK though, think about it this way: your love will just grow for the new baby too and your boy will have an extra person to love him.

That's a beautiful way of thinking about it. Thank you so much. Yes, we just agreed that if we had waited and started deliberately trying, the pressure would have stopped it working probably. I'm extremely lucky that if all goes well, we'll have 2 beautiful miracles. Just adjust. G to the shock I guess x