Sorry in advance for the long message.
In March I found out I was pregnant with my bf of 4 years. We've been a bit rocky in the sense that although we get along fine without fighting, etc. we do have some significant differences (massively different libidos, housework arguments) and were unsure whether we wanted to commit to each other. I told him right away when I found out (couple of days after missed period) and actually I was 99% set on abortion at the time. He said he agreed but that it was still sad so we should take some time to think about it.
Fast forward to now and I'm almost 18 weeks. Over that time I became pretty set on keeping it. I assumed he kind of figured that out as he hadn't brought it up or asked or anything. On tuesday he said we should talk about it. I said how I was feeling (I'm 35 and this might be my best shot, etc. and that it was different for him as a man). He was nice at the time, cuddling me, etc. Then he suddenly turned cold and said he felt completely powerless and turned over to go to sleep. Was cold the next morning but fine by the time he got back from work. Friday morning he brought it up before he went to work and was a real dick about it saying just as recently as December we weren't going to live together (long story) and he feels boxed into something (the relationship I assume). I said we didn't have to stay together and that plenty of parents raise kids separately as long as they're amicable, both involved, etc. He said he wouldn't want that and then left for work. Friday evening he was normal until bed when he was cold again. Lots of sighs, no touching, etc. He's always fine during the day and then not nice in the evening. Maybe the distractions of the day keep his mind off of it until evening, I don't know.
Anyway, I can't take this hot-cold thing anymore. He sees his options as 1) abortion; 2) stay with me forever which he clearly doesn't want. At this point if he's going to step up and be a good partner/dad, then great. Otherwise, I want to move out. What I'm not going to do is be his whipping boy and take the brunt of his stress, etc. My pregnancy so far has not been happy/excited at all and I'm tired of it. I do understand his feelings and feel very bad that I am in charge of a decision that will seriously affect his life and not just mine, but that's biology for you. THat guilt is literally the only thing stopping me from explicitly saying "I'm not having an abortion". He still wants me to even though by the time it was organised etc I'd be 20 weeks. I don't think he understands that by that point it's not a straighforward procedure.
I don't know what I'm asking; just needed to vent really. It feels pretty shitty that he doesn't wnat to be with me so badly that eh wants me to abort our child.