Husband being an arse in early pregnancy

[CaptainFrump]

I’m only 4+3 but seem to be suffering from extreme tiredness, dizziness and extreme thirst. I’m also feeling really stressed and anxious about this pregnancy as I’m worried it will end in a chemical pregnancy :( we’d be trying for over a year to get pregnant.

We’ve just had an arguement and I started crying. He’s just said well you don’t get pregnancy symptoms so early and that I’m going to be a nightmare the next 8 months.

I’m feeling really unsupported and think he’s being selfish.

Is anyone else’s husband being a massive twat?

I could've written this post myself! I'm currently 6+4 and boyfriend is being a massive twat! Saying I'm just being lazy and 'putting it on' doing my head right in! Also, try not to worry about chemical, I'm sure all will be fine x

Your body is already changing! You're obviously not imagining symptoms. He clearly hasn't got a clue and is being rude. Some people get symptoms from the very start and thats how they know they are pregnant. I was getting acid in my throat reaaaally bad on my first pregnancy, was also dizzy, I started getting it before I even knew I was pregnant again second time and that's what prompted me to take a test. Same this time around with third baby. Tell him he has no idea and that he should be a little more sensitive. Sounds to me like he wanted the argument just to 'shut you up' for the next 8 months.

Aww! That's not fair, of course you can (and are) have symptoms. I'd find this really annoying too. Hope you're both OK x

I am sorry that he is being unsupportive; I am not trying to justify his behaviour but it's worth taking on board/bearing in mind that men often take a lot longer to get on board with the whole 'being pregnant' thing. Where as women can often 'feel pregnant' straight away, and start to bond with the baby and worry about everything men often take a lot longer for it to feel real for them as they can't really feel or see anything that makes it very real. This was certainly the case for my DH but he got more excited and supportive as the pregnancy progresses.

Hm, well I must be psychic then, I got symptoms less than 2 weeks after conception which prompted the positive pregnancy test.

Either he needs to read up on pregnancy or he's going to be awful to support you and won't believe your symptoms.

My husband was a twunt the first few weeks being quite unsupportive when my anxiety was through the roof 😡. I think men just don’t have a bloody clue what our bodies our going through physically and emotionally unless it smacks them in the face lol.
Can you show him something online like a YouTube clip that shows symptoms etc and what to expect?

Thanks all. It’s made me feel better.

His reaction to the pregnancy test was a bit disappointing. I guess to him it didn’t feel real or he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

Any tips as to dealing with him?

I'd ask him where his pregnancy knowledge comes from for starters! I presume he hasn't been pregnant himself?

You're feeling unwell, for whatever reason, and his response is to be unkind and argue with you!

Is he normally like this?

Hi, mention the extreme thirst. It can be a sign of gestional diabetes, it might be an idea to let your gp or midwife know.

My DH was not an arse but he did not understand that you get symptoms straight away. I bought us the commando Dad book and that helped him understand what I was going through.

I’m worried it will end in a chemical pregnancy

No idea what that means.

Anyway, I am a LP of a 26 year old.

My ex couldn't deal with it either. Fuck off then.

Because WE CAN! Deal with it, because WE have no choice. You do not know your strength until you have to deal with it.

Life is SO Much Better being a LP than having a daddy fuck-wit around. You only have to look at the posts on here.

My theory is that we all grew up on fairy tales. "And they lived happily ever after". No shit sherlock. What a crap load of shit.

You CAN do this alone. Your child will thank you for it.

All the best going forward!

He's being a knob! I'm just over 5 weeks but have been suffering with tiredness last couple of days and some backache (I don't have a great back as it is so this has been quite awkward and limiting). My DP has been nothing but supportive - he's made dinner every night for the last week, brought me tea in bed, did a full house clean, etc. and keeps telling me to make sure I'm resting.

I'd ask your husband that if this is how unsupportive he's being now, what's he going to be like when the baby arrives?

I do understand and agree with the sentiment that it's a difficult concept for men to grasp (it's a difficult concept for me to grasp and I'm pregnant!) but your partner should be empathetic and trust in what you are feeling. The first trimester is hard and it's a really worrying time - I've had several weeping fits because I've decided something has gone wrong and I don't know what I'd do without a supportive DP (who is, granted, sometimes a bit bemused but tries his best!).

Your husband is wrong! At the same in my pregnancy I was extremely tired, often short of breath and dizzy and had acid reflux. Fortunately the shortness of breath and dizziness did get better but then the sickness, which was much worse, set in.

The situation will probably improve. My husband wasn't actually as insensitive as yours but it was clearly difficult for him to sympathise and he didn't respond to my whining in the way I wanted. He would make unhelpful suggestions (as though I wasn't trying hard to enough to "fix" how I was feeling, or say "well I can't do anything about it" and though I think he tried not to be, he was clearly a bit miffed at my struggling to do things and being always tired and feeling sorry for myself. All I wanted him to do was feel sorry for me and try to make it easier on me. I think he wanted for it to be "fixed" and if it can't be "fixed" then why talk about it.

A lot of (in other ways quite nice) people are not empathetic towards those experiencing a health problem or symptoms that aren't outwardly visible. And they run out of patience for talking about a problem that can't be fixed. In early pregnancy, because of the secrecy, sometimes you are relying on your partner for all of your support and that can overwhelm their empathy too. Tbh, I found it helpful (if not that conventional) to simply tell a few female friends so that the load of listening to my whingeing could be shared!! If you know someone who's been pregnant, they're your best bet. They are more likely to truly understand (unless they sailed through!)

After the first scan, my husband began to glow with enthusiasm and happiness. Literally he changed in a day. He just started treating me like a pregnant person and has become much more supportive. Our relationship is literally at an all time high.

In hindsight before the scan I think he was really quite concerned about miscarriage and his approach to that was to try not to think about the pregnancy at all. Women generally can't do that. They are living the pregnancy.

So basically,

• your symptoms sound normal and don't mean that any thing's wrong
• do drink plenty of water (you're thirsty for a reason) and rest as much as you can. Whatever your husband thinks now, you're not being pathetic or lazy
• you can try engaging your husband in the pregnancy a bit by encouraging him to read and inform himself. I was actually a bit sneaky and I deliberately signed his email up to pregnancy bulletins (it worked, he reads them!) because it comes from his email I don't have to prompt or nag him to read about pregnancy(!)
• if your husband's sympathy well has dried up, consider the pros and cons of getting some sympathy elsewhere by telling a friend. Or there's always mumsnet!
• look forward to your scan. It is likely to make things more real for your husband and your relationship may get a lot more affectionate.
• the first trimester absolutely sucks balls

To be fair even men who should know better like those in the medical profession are crap about women feeling and being ill but not showing clear outside signs so it isn't surprising your husband is being an arse. Take the advice @Shrimpi has given especially signing your husband up to pregnancy emails.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP and so sorry your dh isn’t being very understanding to say the least! Honestly what are some men like. They don’t have a clue how it feels and moan over a lot less (cue manflu) or (a football loss.) hope your dh comes to his senses and supports you better.

My pregnancy related symptoms were strongest in the first trimester and the end of the third trimester, especially the fatigue. The second trimester was a breeze in comparison. The high hormone levels that are detected on a pregnancy test obviously produce physical symptoms in many women.

Is your dp usually this unsympathetic towards you?

I agree it can take men longer to really believe in the pregnancy, my dh was quite calm about it until my bump was really showing when I think it became real for him, but he was fully sympathetic and believing when I told him I was feeling unwell from the start. Why would your dp doubt you?

"You don't get pregnancy symptoms that early"

So does he think you are not pregnant then? Or that you are just 'a little bit pregnant'? 9 months is a short time to make a whole human, your body is not going to waste the first couple of months doing nothing.

That's horrible OP, DH forgot the date of our NHS scan and I was so upset, he disclosed this a week before so still had time to make work arrangements, but hormones definitely kick in . I definitely got symptoms that early because I'd convinced myself I had diabetes-thirst, weeing a lot, dizzy spells.

My symptoms were much more intense in the very early stages of pregnancy than later on! I thought that was normal!
In fact it was the abnormal tiredness, dizziness and weird hungry-not-hungry emptiness/nausea that prompted me to take the pregnancy test.

He obviously needs to inform himself a bit better on pregnancy instead of mansplaining your body to you...

Is he normally an arse or is this a new thing?

In fact, I seem to remember that feeling shit in the first few weeks can be a positive sign, as your body is going utterly nuts producing "keep this baby" hormones. ...

Congratulations.

My nausea started the day after I found out I was pregnant. As a result my DH thought that I was exaggerating my symptoms because I wouldn't have felt them if I hadn't known 😒. His lack of empathy annoys me to this day. But he was fantastic in every other respect. I don't have any good advice, only that he will hopefully become more excited and helpful if you take him to appointments and scans. Hugs and congrats!

Direct him to one of the many pregnancy websites (incl NHS) and tell him to read first trimester symptoms. The first trimester was genuinely exhausting, like having flu for two/three months straight.

First trimester is flipping awful if you ask me. I'm now 32 weeks and feel a million times better than I did throughout the whole of the first trimester.

Th exhaustion is worse than when I travelled 30 hours to new Zealand

The morning sickness is like Constant food poisoning

The abdomen pain is like being stabbed

The dizziness prevented me from doing almost anything.

It's different for everyone but your DP needs to listen to YOU and how YOUR feeling. Not undermine what you say. How does he know? He doesn't.