Help! Am I worrying over nothing and being totally irrational

[TheConstantWorrier01]

Hiya, I'm desperately hoping that someone out there will drum a bit if sense and rationality into me so I can stop panicking. Basically, I have suffered from OCD and health-related anxiety ever since I fell pregnant with my gorgeous DS. I'm now pregnant again and it has come back with vengeance although this time around I am receiving help.

Basically, I have what I call 'incidents' where things happen and make me go utterly hysterical with fear that I have harmed my unborn sproglet. I start obsessively Googling and getting myself into a dreadful state, putting my poor DH under incredible stress and it's making us all deeply unhappy.

I just wondered if I could ask anyone out there to help me rationalise something which I know is utterly ridiculous but I just don't know where else to turn to help calm me down. Basically, last night I prepared some whole broccoli, which is the wrapped kind from Sainsbury's (not bagged). I couldn't see any soil on it but as I do with everything, I washed the florets I'd cut from the stalk fairly thoroughly under running water. I then bunged it in boiling water and that was that. Great! I was so tired and hungry by the time my food was ready that I forgot to wash my hands before eating. I then had an apple (washed again with water - bottled this time - yep, crazy I know) before realising that while I had been washing the broccoli I had picked up the raw florets to ensure they all got a good dousing under the running water) and then obviously forgot to wash my hands again! Obviously, thoughts of listeria and toxoplasmosis kept me up ALL NIGHT and I am trying to rationalise this situation in my head but just need some kind words of reassurance or even advice, expert or otherwise.

I'm so sorry for this long and rambling post. I know I must sound completely crazy but I wouldn't do it unless I was desperate. Thanks so much in advance for any responses.

Your baby will be absolutely fine, I was going to gently say that i thought you should see your GP for OCD anxiety help but then I read your OP again and saw that you already are. Can you speak to someone today if you're having a flare up? I hope you can get your anxiety under control soon

Ok, you’ll be fine the baby will be fine. Your anxiety is really really clouding your judgement. An everyday person, like me, does not wash their hands that much and I have not had a bad consequence. I’m lax and focus on a bit of dirt being tremendously good for everyone’s immune system.

It sounds like you have insight that your behaviour isn't necessary or helpful, which is great, but if you also can't stop it then you do need more support than you're getting. One of my sisters had undertreated OCD when her middle child was born and it did have an impact on how she parented - she became obsessed with cleanliness for and around the baby and it limited all of their lives until she was back on medication (and was still able to bf, if that is an issue for you) and got more support.

If you are very frank with your gp about how challenging this is for you, you should be able to access more help - the perinatal mental health teams are often great and tend to be better resourced than what you'd usually get. Are you on medication? I imagine that might also be anxiety inducing for you but many women are, the benefit can outweigh risks. and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Are you having CBT or something? It is great for these kinds of irrational intrusive thoughts.

Broccoli isn’t known as a dangerous substance. You’ll be fine. I only wash my hands after touching raw meat or bins or going to the toilet, me and my baby are both in good health.

And btw, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. The recent hand washing thread on here, if nothing else, has revealed to me how many people have perfectly healthy children despite (or maybe because of!) being incredibly grotty, and even most more hygienic people wouldn't think twice about rewashing hands after touching - and washing - raw broccoli. Note that there are fewer than 200 cases per year of listeriosis per year in the UK, and these are usually from poorly made meat and dairy products.www.nhs.uk/conditions/listeriosis/
The vegetables definitely won't cause any trouble for you or your baby, but it sounds like your anxiety is, and that's where you need and deserve the extra medical attention.

Anything that you did manage to get on the broccoli would have been killed by the boiling water. Listeria very unlikely anyway, as said above. Glad you are getting help for your OCD.

Thank you so much everyone for all your lovely responses. They have definitely helped me get a more rational perspective on my most recent worry! Honestly, it’s so exhausting and I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a single moment of pregnancy.

Yes, Mookatron, CBT is part of my treatment plan but I’m still at the assessment stage so haven’t started it yet. I’m a little dubious as to how much it will help though. I’m hoping that once the baby is born the OCD and anxiety will go like it did last time. Prior to pregnancy I’ve always been very relaxed about dirt and bacteria. Just like you DownUdderer, I’ve always believed it to benefit the immune system and am rarely ill and never had poisoning. But pregnancy makes me turn into an absolute germophobe.

I find that sometimes the things I do to protect the baby from risk can lead to further anxieties, such as the hand washing which is causing damage to my skin. I wish I could be more relaxed about everything but these horrible hormones are causing so much havoc with my state of mind.

Again, I’m so incredible grateful for your responses.