How to help dp bond with bump

[Jessiejuju]

Do I'm mow 27 weeks and as starting to get upset because my dp seems to be struggling to bond with bump he says this is because he has yet to feel little one move. Have been lots of movements however no pattern to them yet so difficult to tell when he's gonna start kicking on top of that I also have an anterior placenta and a extra layer of fat that absorbs most of the external kicks.

Was hopping someone may have some advice on how I could help him bond with our little boy.

It might be easier for him once you're further along and the baby is bigger. Then he will definitely be able to see the baby moving inside you (which freaked out my DP!) But I think for a lot of men the bonding doesn't really begin until they hold their baby for the first time!

Why does he need to bond with a bump?

Hard to bond with a bump isn't it? I honestly never gave it a thought during my pregnancy.

Try not to force it or make a big deal about it, the pressure won't help.

Don't force the issue.

He may not bond with the bump, he's not carrying this baby, so that physical link isn't there to promote the emotional one yet. That doesn't mean he won't bond when the baby is born.

Give him the chance to feel movements when you're further along, and give the option to talk to the baby through your abdomen and let him be involved with preparation such as buying things etc but otherwise let him come to it in his own time and don't stress if he doesn't.

I agree with the others. It's not essential to bond with a bump and it's unreasonable of you to get upset by it. He'll beable to bond when the babies born.

Why does he need to?

DH didn't bond with the bump at all- it freaked him out! Once DC were here he is a fantastic, hands on father who would die for them. The bump was too abstract for him tbh

I didn't "bond" with my distended abdomen... wouldn't expect anyone else to. It's mildly comical in late pregnancy when you can see movements externally but not worth getting upset about. I'm sure he'll love the baby when he or she arrives.

It's not just that he doesn't seem able to its more like he doesn't want to. He is never interested in coming to the scans either and just affraid that he is going to struggle to bond with the baby when he is born.

It's quite hard to bond with nothing. I wouldn't worry too much right now. When the baby's arrival is imminent and he/she gets here, your partner will have no choice to.

Also my Oh used to read to baby at night. Treasure Island!

Andddd also also we used the Doppler to listen to the heart beat. That was kind of sweet.

Pre baby is such a weird time.

Maybe talk to your partner.. gently. They might be feeling really anxious or something.

With the best will in the world, you are really overthinking this!

This is the sort of thing that worries you when you are pg and then once you have the baby you look back and wonder why you were bothered (see also PFB behaviour eg timing their feeds neurotically etc)

Try not to worry. I’m sure you dh is like most people, once they have something in front of them then they will deal with it and there is NO WAY to ignore a baby once it arrives! The scan thing is a bit odd. Maybe your dh doesn’t see the point until he can actually DO something. A lot of men would see it as an opportunity to offer support to their partner though even if they aren’t ‘involved’ at that point, just in case anything shows up on the scan. Maybe point that out to your dh and get him to come along to the next scan. It might also help him to see the baby.

Good luck with the rest of your pg.

I got a doppler so he could hear the movements but I think midwives don't recommend them.We loved it though

Has he given a reason for not coming to scans? I wouldn’t worry about the bonding with bump thing (whatever that entails) but I would be very upset if my dh hadn’t wanted to attend scans with me.

Maybe get him to pick out some things for when the baby arrives like clothes etc.

I am fascinated by my bump but my DH isn’t too interested, which I’m not worried about, I know he’ll be fascinated when there’s a baby in his arms.

I don’t expect my DH to come to all my appointments but I would be annoyed at him not coming to the 12 week or 20 week scan as these are both very important.

He doesn’t need to bond with a bump tbh.

For a man pregnancy is very different to how it is for a lady, you get the symptoms/kicks etc and feel connected but for many dads they need to hold the baby once it arrives before they make that connection.

My husband is the same.
He is there at the scans for me.
Even on the way out the door on the 12 wk scan he said he just doesn't get the baby thing.
At the 20 week scan he was wanting to know everything was ok, not any emotion that that's his baby.
He said he will def he there at the birth of I need him there. Well, mate I want you to actually want you to be there!
I know 100% he loves me and my life and we decided that we (I..?) would have this baby but he's just not interested.
Days he will be when it's walking/talking etc just doesn't get babies.
I do get really upset because he does act like like 26 weeks I'm not even pregnant.
Felt her kick once and freaked out and said people shouldn't be in people! It was only tiny movement as well :(

I know how you feel, I find it really upsetting.

However, we have a doggy and she is his world and turns him jelly in 5 secs. He can't get enough of her and loves her to deal then and spoils her rotten!
'How's my little special princess baby girl? Shall daddy get you a treat?

He does not need to bond with the bump as the child/person will be there for the rest of his life and he will have plenty of time to bond.

BUT he should be supporting you. Have you talked to him about feeling unsupported? My DH thought that pregnancy did not real effect anyone until they were huge - the commando Dad book helped him understand what I was going through.