Funniest comments made about your pregnancy

[NCPuffin]

Following on from the most inappropriate comments thread - what are the funniest comments you've had about your pregnancy?

I'm a secondary teacher so have had some pure gold ones, including "Miss, we watched a video of childbirth in science. good luck, I'd have a caesarian!" from a 12 year old boy. A pregnant colleague had "Miss, are you going to have that thing where they cut you so the baby can come out?" (Episiotomy) instead of congratulations

No one??

From a friend 'are you looking forward to labour?'

Erm, not so much.....

Bet you hope he makes an appearance soon.

From a family member who knew I'd lost a premature baby a few years ago

Indeed he did, luckily he's ok!

I don't think people engage there brains sometimes.

'Was it planned?' Senior (male) colleague.

I knew I couldn't be the only one - but panda and stars, those sound rather inappropriate instead of funny? Am I missing something?

Another colleague had a student ask her if she shit herself in labour when she returned from leave - good job they have a good relationship and she's not too delicate

Earlier this week I had a scan so was waiting in the antenatal clinic. Another pregnant woman was there with her two young kids, playing I Spy to keep them occupied. They were being really good and it was quite sweet. Then the boy (prob 4 or 5) said “I spy.....something beginning with F L”. The Mum and little sister made a few guesses but were pretty stumped, so asked for a clue. He pointed in my vague direction. Still stumped. “Fat Lady!” he triumphantly announces! Poor Mum goes beetroot colour while I try really hard to hold my full bladder together! She was so mortified and apologetic, bless her! It tickled me all day

I had a massive bump with DD, and at 40+3, desperately in need of chocolate, I hauled myself to the corner shop. Standing in the queue facing away from the door. Little boy aged about 6 comes in and waits by the door as his mum comes to stand behind me. I turn to exit and he shouts "mummy! What's that?!? What happened to her?!?" His poor mother clearly wanted the floor to swallow her up.

“Oh don’t worry darling, don’t feel you feel ashamed that it wasn’t planned and don’t let anyone judge you. You deserve to be respected”, chirped creepy old male neighbour.

I didn't ever say the baby wasn’t planned!

Were you trying for twins? Still no idea how you go about trying for twins

One of my class of reception children said ‘Miss, you look like daddy pig!” Not even mummy pig... out of the mouth of babes and all that. I wouldn’t even mind but I lost a stone for my sister’s wedding at christmas, currently 24+4 and have put a stone on. One of my colleagues said ‘well they’ve never seen you so large!’

I'd been discussing with someone that I was nervous of my first birth to which she quipped "what goes up must come down" hmm shame not same size

My DH was trying to make me feel good around 26 weeks, So he said
"You don't even look pregnant, you just look like a plump lady"

My MIL is Chinese so can't speak English too well and she tried to explain to me that I shouldn't eat too many noodles when pregnant because she ate too many of them when she was carrying DH and he came out looking like a bloated pig! 😂 Her exact words 'not too many noodles, ate too many with (points to hubby) looked like drowning pig' lmao, hubby looks at me 'she means bloated'

I am 34 weeks pregnant and a student at school today asked me 'when did you have your baby and where is it if youre at school?' .....I work in a high school as well so even more worrying!

I got asked today "oh you're pregnant? How far along? Wow you've got a VERY big bump for 18 weeks!"

I was a bit - I thought my little bump was cute. Most people have had more tact.

Small kid on the train the other day. 'Dad, why did you give that lady your seat?'

'Because she's having a baby and she needs to sit down.'

'Oh. How did it get in there?'

I wished him luck in explaining that one!

I did ask my sister if her pregnancy was planned-but to be fair she already had 4 kids.

"Was it planned?" - From a woman who knew I got pregnant after my honeymoon...

"Wow you've ballooned, you're huge!" - From an extended family member; Yes, I'm 8 months pregnant, what the hell did you expect you insensitive cow?!

A kid asked my pregnant friend if she was going to 'cut it out or squeeze it out?'

Not about me being pregnant as such, more to do with the pregnancy process. From the midwife showing me how to do clexane injections at 32 weeks pregnant - "You'll need to stop these 12 hours before labour."

Ok. Because I will know when that is, obviously!

Two teenage girls at a night club, obviously off their tits:
Girl 1: Are you buzzing?
Me: No, I haven't taken anything, I'm pregnant (points to bump)
Girl 2: Aw, Do you know who the Dad is?
Me: Yes, I'm just waiting for him to come out of the loo, ah there he is..
Girl 1 (spotting wedding rings): Ah, they're married. That's soooo cute
Girl 2: Its so cool you came here. Do you think it'll be born liking Dubstep?

Numerous people asked "Are you having a boy or a girl? "
Me: "Errm yes" (did they think I was going to give birth to kittens or puppies? )