Still in disbelief m pregnant after mmc

[BloominMoomin89]

Hello,
I am on the pregnancy after miscarriage board but felt this would sound too ungrateful. I have a 4 year old.
Mmc in December needing the surgery. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks but onoy discovered on an early scan at 9 weeks. I had worsening symptoms and nausea etc so completely out of the blue and a big shock. Rather awfully i thought id be fine and even on being warned about no heart beat assumed id miscalculated dates, having no issues with my 4 year old and getting pregnant so quickly both times.

Im pregnant again now, 14 weeks plus 3. Ive had 3 scans so far (2 being private) and all show a wiggly well baby. I have this overwhelming feeling that its a recording each time and not my stomach being shown on screen. Ive told friends and family and my 4 year old who are all very excited. I feel false accepting congratulations. Ive bought bits such as clothes and sent my pushchair for an MOT at the shop i bought it. I felt relief handing the pushchair over like i didnt have to have it anymore. The clothes ive bought in mind for friends with babies like im giving it all away.
I've spoken to my midwife and been referred for counselling but thats another few weeks away.
My due date for the mc was 24th June so i keep thinking in my head ill be better after, but i said that before each scan and still feel like crying daily.

Just wondering if anyone else had this before? I feel like the only one at the moment and family are just telling me to relax.

I understand your emotions. They’re most likely self protection mechanisms at work. It took me 6 years to conceive our first DC and I’d had such disappointment getting to that stage that I kept my pregnancy quiet from many people who didn’t need to know until the last weeks. Our neighbours thought I’d gained weight! That birth was rough and took a while to recover from. When I was pregnant with the second I wasn’t quite so cautious but still didn’t count that chicken until he was hatched, just on the off chance that something went wrong. I had a bleed at 13weeks and was convinced it was all over, but the ultrasound technician said oooh play time! And there he was, dancing around inside.
Be kind to yourself. Chances are that everything will be ok but after a mmc- no wonder you’re feeling nervous. Sending great, healthy vibes your way for you and the little one. xx

I completely understand your emotions, i was exactly the same. I had an early miscarriage at the start of 2016 and fell pregnant 10 months later. I had every symptom going but i was always convinced something would go wrong and i had moments of disbelief of being pregnant. I didn't buy anything until i was around 30 weeks and i never kept anything in my house. Long story short, I only actually believed i was pregnant when i was handed my daughter at 40+4. My mum was one of my birthing partners and after she was born, she went home and both her and my dad started transferring all the baby things into my house.
Take each day at a time.

I had two MMC last year at 11 and 12 weeks, both discovered during a scan. The first due date was just before Christmas so I found that an impossible time and was breaking down a lot, it was also a month after my second miscarriage so it was a truly difficult time. The second due date was coincidentally the same date I miscarried the first one so was the year anniversary of that about three weeks ago. That was a very difficult day and I was in a dark place, I’m honestly only coming around from it now.

I am 18+4 and have a very wriggly baby inside me I feel moving often. I feel similar to you, that I still can’t fully accept he will be ok. I don’t really like talking about it to people in case something happens again, I almost don’t want to accept I will have a baby soon. I think it’s perfectly normal after loss and for self preservation purposes. Sorry for your loss and I’m sure everything will be fine for you this time.

I can relate so much to your post op. Although to not such an extent, I have been feeling the same, like feeling like a fraud when telling people I’m pregnant!

I’ve just come back from my 16 week midwife appointment, and we heard the heartbeat on a Doppler, yet I’ve just spend time googling “can something still be wrong even if heartbeat found at 16 weeks”. Just total disbelief that this pregnancy may actually end with a baby.

So I don’t have much advice, although I did tell the midwife about my anxiety and she said I can call them and go in at any time to listen on the Doppler if I feel anxious again. So maybe you could ask your midwife if they can do that for you?