Help - I need a hand hold - don't know what to do

[Honeybee79]

Hi everyone. I just need some words of reassurance and a bit of kindness.

Am 38 and have 2 DC aged 7 and 18 months. We required fertility treatment to conceive both, including ICSI with DC2. Essentially told we would never have kids "naturally".

Well, guess what . . . Have been feeling off for a few days and did 2 tests tonight. Both positive. I have PCOS, so my periods are incredibly irregular, but at the absolute most I reckon I could be 7.5 weeks pregnant.

Am shocked and, to be honest, feeling gutted. I'm not sure we can cope either financially or emotionally with another child. I feel like now DD is 18 months we're emerging again from the baby stage, getting our lives sorted again, picking up our hobbies again. I am in a reasonably new job so would only qualify for stat mat pay, I think. I don't know how we would cope financially as too shocked to think about numbers right now. We both work hard at demanding jobs and I feel that I don't spend enough time with my kids, let alone a 3rd.

On the other hand . . . . I don't know if I could go through with a termination.

DH is out at a work related thing. I have spoken to him on the phone. He is utterly shocked. Am waiting for him to come back.

I feel like such a twat for not using contraception after all the problems we had. Such a massive fucking twat.

Didn't want to read and run.

Sorry to read that you're feeling so conflicted with this news. Guessing you're in shock right now and doesn't help that your OH isn't home to share this with you. Sounds like you need to wait until he's home and then over the coming few days with a clearer head together you'll be able to work out what is right for you both to do.

Sending hugs! Hope you can work it out soon x

I think shock is a normal reaction in this instance. Try not to overreact or feel like you need to make a hasty decision. Maybe take a clearblue test that has a weeks indicator so you have an idea of how many weeks you are. Then maybe a list- pros and cons etc.
We had a scare a year after Dh had the snip. We hadn’t check his samples so when I was 6 weeks late and felt queasy I thought I was pregnant with four kids and no plans for any more. I wasn’t thankfully, but it was a long 48 hours before I could get my hands on a test and we went through all the emotions of shock, fear, excitement, anxiety, dread, delight... we found thinking about 1, 5 and 10 years down the line helped a lot. One year was terrifying but 5 years less so...and 10.

Thanks for messages. I managed to get a scan at the EPU today and am nearly 8 weeks. DH and I are still in shock up sitting down tonight to go through pros and cons etc. In all honesty, right now I feel a mixture of horror and blind panic.

I have some time to think and to talk it over with DH, but not that much. I think I need the shock to wear off and can't think clearly at all right now.

We had fertility problems having our second twonamd in January I found out I was pregnant with number 4 completely out of the blue ,I was in shock and cried so much for about the first month , we’ve decided to go ahead .let the shock wear off before making any big decisions .

Thanks ichifanny and congratulations!