Relationship issues.

[bex5000]

Hi,
I need some advice please. My husband and I have been married for just under a year and I'm 34 weeks pregnant. All my husband has ever wanted is to be a father and I wanted to wait until we got married. We were lucky enough to get pregnant almost straight away.
My husband has been trying to progress at work for a few years now and eventually the promotion opportunity came along. Work have been full of so many false promises so I probably wasn't as enthusiastic as I could have been towards him. We had a big fall out about this and he has felt I let him down and I just can't be happy for him when it's time to celebrate things for him. Granted he is my champion and always praises me when I achieve things. I probably haven't done that as much to him as I could and should have.
Since we fell out if been trying so hard to show him how proud I am of him and really given him positive support but it's been a few weeks now and it's not been enough. He behaves like he hates me and says my behaviour shows the type of person I really am and says he wants to leave me.
We haven't been married even a year and this baby is kicking away so strong it just breaks my heart to hear that. I really do love him and he is my best friend but I'm so scared of not being with him and not having the family we dream of. Everything I do seems to irritate him. The smallest things, and when I see him frustrated I get so anxious my mouth seems to mess everything else up and whatever progress we had made is lost. I just don't know what to do. I love my husband so much and just want to see him happy but he's struggling to let go, let his barriers down and move on. He slept in the spare room for the second time this week. I know I've let him down in the past by not being as supportive as I can be but now I'm really trying to make up for that and want to Be the best version of me for us. I just hope it's not too late and we can move forward for us and our baby.
I have work and uni pressures to contend with and I feel like I'm drowning.

I'm sorry your going through this. You've apologised and are making an effort to be more supportive towards your dp which is all you can do. Your husband should really accept the effort your making and move on but it sounds like he's using this as an excuse to be abusive towards you and put you down.

I'm sorry but he doesn't sound like a nice person and he has no right to keep treating you like this. Do you have any friends or family you can talk to about this?

Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse and you don't have to put up with it.

Hello sweetie

Very sorry to read this, I won't lie, it does sound terrible. The good thing is you are aware there is a problem, rather than ignoring it.
Personally I find it a bit odd that he is saying he wants to leave, is this the first bump in the marriage/relationship?
Considering you are carrying his child and it was, in the grand old scheme of things, pretty minor on your part, I think you are right to be upset, and probably very angry.

Sending you a hug and a cup of tea

I agree with previous posters, you’ve admitted you were wrong, you’ve apologised and are making an effort to make amends.

There is nothing to be gained by him holding it against you, and considering you are so close to having a baby, you’d think he’d let it go and focus on you and the baby.

Is there any chance he’s freaking out about the reality of having a baby, becoming a father, and just using this as an excuse?

Don't bother apologizing constantly just try and show some interest/enthusiasm when he talks to you about his work in the future. He may have that feeling like he now has to be the main provider and it could be making him stressed. A child is a big responsibility and men do feel the pressure too. I hate to ask but could he also be a little frustrated? My husband gets very cranky when he's not getting any and pregnancy doesn't tend to help.

If you have both tried to speak verbally and that hasn't worked then try and write it down.

If you both write down your thoughts and feelings on the whole situation and each other then either hand each other the notes or read them out to each other.

I know it sounds quite childish but I find sometimes writing down my worries and issues is an easier way to express my feelings than speaking verbally, particularly if it is about someone. At least then you can both look at and reflect on the notes rather than trying to remember what you discussed...

Hope that helps x

I also agree with previously posters and feel for you as you're in a difficult situation. The only thing I had to add was a suggestion that perhaps - if your husband is willing - some sort of relationship counselling could be an idea? I know not everyone is open to this and it can seem a little scary, but if ever there was a time to get some outside help then there's a strong case for it being now. I would hope and imagine he doesn't really want to be a part time dad and would prefer to be in a happy, stable relationship as you both become parents. Regardless of how he feels about what has happened in the past, you'll need to be able to support each other 100% in what is to come.

Sometimes someone else giving a little guidance and helping both sides to feel they have really been heard can be a way of giving some perspective and can allow both parties to let go of old resentments. It sounds like maybe you might need someone to talk to either way - maybe discuss with your midwife as they might have ideas?
Just a thought - I hope you manage to make progress and can approach the birth of your little one feeling more positive soon. x

OH Bex I really feel for you.
My OH did something similiar to this when I was 33 weeks, he ended up going to his mum's for a week and I spent new year alone. We did sort things out only for him to do it again when baby was 3 weeks.
My only advice to you is to ask yourself if you'd accept this behaviour if you weren't pregnant and if not you definitely shouldn't while you are.
You have apologised, that is enough. You are pregnant, he should be there for you not acting like a child.
Sending you lots of hugs, I know how emotional you must be feeling right now xx