Upset and frustrated and just need to vent!

[CaptainWentworth]

Hi all,

I popped up briefly on one of the pregnancy after miscarriage threads a while back, but not posted here much since then although have been lurking!

Currently 20+1 following a MMC and and ERPC that didn’t go to plan - they perforated my uterus. As a result I was asked to see a professor of fetal medicine for my 20 week scan, so he could carefully check a) the size of the scar and b) where the placenta is and whether it’s attached to the scar - will have to have a section and have a risk of haemorrhage/ losing my uterus if the placenta is attached deeply to the scar. So quite an important appointment, and not just about finding out the sex which is all anyone seems to be asking me about at the moment.

Arranged the appointment weeks ago, straight after my 12 week scan, for this coming Friday, and both me and DH have booked the day off. Was in the morning, had a letter last week to say it’s moved to the afternoon- fine. Had a phone call today to say the prof is now having a half day on Friday and can we rearrange to next week. DH is away all next week, so won’t be able to make it. Also was initially suggested I should see someone else next week not the prof, so now I don’t know what to do as I don’t know if that matters or not, and am panicking in case it gets postponed again and I don’t get scanned until 22 or more weeks.

Also v upset DH won’t be there- I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but he’s a medic and I really wanted him there to ask the questions I’ll forget about and also because, rightly or wrongly, we seem to get a bit more respect when he comes to appointments with me. Even if he’d not been away he’d not have been able to book time off to come at such short notice.

I know everyone’s appointments are important, not just mine, and medical staff are entitled to take time off, but I’m just so upset and worried about everything being changed and having to wait longer to find out what’s going on with me. Trying not to cry in the office.

Phone them and tell them you want the original appointment you were supposed to have in the morning with the person you were supposed to see, explaining how worried you've been and that you cannot make the later appointment. You've got nothing to lose by asking.

Oh I had a fairly lengthy chat with their team secretary, who was clearly trying her best to fit me in, and I made it clear I was very unhappy although not blaming her. I have also spoken to the secretary of the original obstetric consultant I saw to ask how much it matters who I see - she ‘got it’ I think and has promised to chase up (consultant off sick today). I just know it won’t make any difference as there is clearly so much demand and a finite number of appointments.

The Friday morning when I was originally booked in is now ‘a renal clinic only’ apparently - problem is it’s all about specialised ultrasound scanning which isn’t just needed for pregnancy. And the prof only does Friday clinics as he is a uni lecturer and researcher also.

Oh OP I really feel for you. Pregnancy is full of worries even in the most "standard" of cases, so you must be really on edge. Take a big deep breath and treat yourself tonight (a bubble bath / ice cream / trashy magazine, whatever floats your boat!)
From a practical point of view, write your questions down in advance of the appointment, and remember to take notes of the answers. Also don't be afraid to push for a follow up appointment (with OH) if you feel anything has been missed.

I think it sounds like it's more important you see the right person when they are available than take a stand in, could your DH go the following week. It sounds like this is something that will be an issue closer to the birth so you have got time in that respect, although I can understand how stressful it will be to wait longer.

Thanks Havetothink and DirtyThirties - yes, hopefully will be able to confirm tomorrow who I really need to see.

You’re right in that this is more about the birth, but aren’t there still other things they need to check at 20 weeks and not later? I won’t be having another ultrasound scan after this so they have to cover all of that too.

I think (haven't checked and could be wrong) that the 20 week scan on the nhs is anywhere between 18 and 22 weeks. I believe the timing is designed to let you consider your options should they find something terrible and you need/want to abort before the legal cutoff of 24 weeks (which I'm sure is very uncommon).

Sorry to read this, what a convoluted load of difficulties on top of an already tricky situation. Sounds like you've done absolutely everything you can, been proactive and sensible, and also kind. Could you and DH have that day off anyway and do something completely random and absorbing to take your minds off it and make something of a positive? Sending hugs, keep swimming!

Yeah we’ll still have the day off - have arranged for someone to call me and quote for building work and will go out for a walk and lunch somewhere. However now that my scan is going to be on a working day I’ll need to catch up with work at some point so not feeling great about a day off from that POV!

I’ve just spoken to one of the secretaries again, who had the wrong info about the reasons for the scan... Anyway have the appointment with the right person a week on Friday, and she reassured me this one won’t be cancelled. Fingers crossed!

DH very sad he won’t be there and talking about cancelling his holiday- but he’d be letting his friend down who can’t pay for it all alone (they are going off cycling- his last such trip pre baby!). I will just have to manage.

Not call me! Come round

Glad they've managed to give you another scan soonish and with the right person. Fingers crossed for you! I'm sure you've thought of this, but is it somehow possible for DH to dial into the appointment? Maybe that's not a done thing, I don't know.