When to start trying for second

[blueberry71]

Just want a little bit of advice. We want to start trying for our second soon. Our DD is nearly 15 months and we'd like a 2 year age cap. The only thing is we've booked to go on holiday at the beginning of September with family and I'm not sure I want to be pregnant then because of sickness etc. So this would mean starting ttc in August. However my other half also said if we're not pregnant within 2 months he wants to hold off until December so the baby doesn't have an August birthday. He's very weird about school years which I'm not too concerned about. Anyway I just think there's no guarantee that we'll fall pregnant within 2 months so I'm not sure whether to start in July which would give us 3 months to try. I know there's not guarantee whatever we do but any advice would be helpful. Should we start trying that bit earlier in case it takes longer than we think. My first 2 babies were conceived within a 2 month period.

Not sure anyone can answer that for you, you might get pregnant straight away or it might take ages. Who knows.

I do find the whole 'oh god, summer babies are total thickos and should be confined to the scrap heap from the start' thing a bit hilarious but each to their own.

If it were me I'd hold off until after your holiday so I could properly enjoy myself

@theycallmebabydriver I completely agree about the summer baby thing! I know loads of people with August birthdays and they are a lot brighter then I am lol. My OH is just strange that way.

I'm kind of thinking about this too, DS is 16 months and I wanted a similar age gap. I brought it up with DH last month and he has changed his mind on a second and wasn't so sure about it. I was devasted. Although he didn't completely say no, it hurt alot and part of me still hopes he will change his mind over the next few months. But in your situation, I would want to enjoy the holiday without sickness and don't worry about a possible due date that you can't exactly control.

I would just start when you’re ready. We wanted a 2 year age gap but I had one miscarriage, fell pregnant within 3 months which resulted in another miscarriage. Didn’t ovulate for 3 months after second miscarriage (and only did on the 4th month as I went private and took clomid) fell pregnant and now 35 weeks so will end up with just over 3 year age gap. Which actually for us has worked out really well!
You just never know what will happen so I’d say don’t even think about birthday months or anything. Just start when you’re ready.
:-)

Same as above. I wanted a 2-yr gap but it took over a year of trying (and one miscarriage) for it to happen. I’m now 14 weeks and there will be just under 3-yrs between them in the end. C’est la vie and I’m just so happy that it’s even happening as I started to lose hope!

I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby after trying for four and a half years so my advice would be to just go for it- you don’t know how long it will take. Add to that that I’m an August baby, educated to masters level, successful all rounder and a primary assistant headteacher, then no, August babies are in no way disadvantaged. In my opinion, they have less time to become idle so keep a good momentum. In my current year 6 class, 2 of my top (academic) achievers are August babies and the other has more common sense and compassion than most adults I know. DO NOT worry about an August baby, you never know, it could always come late and be a September baby anyway 😉

Thanks for the replies everyone! Taken it all on board! So annoying that our holiday is in September otherwise we would definitely start trying next month! We were originally planning to go sooner but my dad lives in South Africa and is coming back end of August. And my grandma lives in Portugal so we're going to see her. All very complicated with family everywhere lol. Part of me wants to start next month as there is no guarantee we'll get pregnant quickly. Plus I'm starting to feel very broody again. Ps and I'm not bothered about an August baby in the slightest bit. At least they'd enjoy their birthday in the summer holidays!

I’d start trying now to be honest. But then I always said I didn’t want a summerborn baby but after secondary infertility I couldn’t have cared less about my 1st August due date

@Icklepickle101 sorry to hear about your fertility struggles. We lost our first baby at 23 weeks pregnant so I know all about nothing in fertility being a guarantee. This is why I wanted to start trying sooner rather than later with baby number 3. X

Assuming no reason to suspect infertility- 14 months before your first child reaches the age of your perfect gap. Add one month for any you're planning to skip.

Or 9 months before the point at which the gap would be catastrophically small, if that is later.

Xposted. When infertility or potential miscarriage is suspected likely, 9 months before catastrophically small gap is better ;)

For us this means as soon as I can cope with sex again! Hopefully your window is a bit smaller than ours.

We started trying early with our second (current pregnancy) thinking it would take a good 6 months like with our DD1 but to our suprise the first month i got a positive pregnancy test. Now 33 weeks. I would wait till after your holiday though incase you do get bad sickness. Good luck xx

Sorry to hear about your first loss OP, and for others .

I'm laughing at the august thing as I am born in August and didn't know I was meant to be a thicko!! Why is it? I'm assuming the English school enrolment months are different to the Scottish ones. I have been very fortunate to fall pregnant first month of trying both times, after having similar dilemmas to you and anticipating it to take longer, it's all so impossible to predict and also whether you'll feel bad if you are preg on hol. You just have to make a call and go for it to see what happens. All the best.

If you're ready then go for it! Every pregnancy is different so there's no guarantee you'll have e.g. morning sickness. Also you can't predict when the baby will be born. You might try to avoid an August baby but have a baby due in September that arrives early.

Yep in England/Wales school enrolment runs Sept-Aug so August born children are the youngest in their year.

One of my best friends at school was premature and August born and she's one of the cleverest people I know, which means nothing at all, but stereotypes and stats are only part of the story too.