Pregnant. Wanted. But feelings don’t weigh up. Help.

[Paraketamol]

Mumsnet, I need help. I need to know if this is normal; get some perspective or what... I feel dreadful that I’m posting this but I have no one in real life I can talk to about any of this.

I have discovered I’m pregnant; probably only 3 weeks gone with a planned baby; I came off the pill a few months ago but neither myself or DH expected anything to happen quickly as I’ve been taking hormonal contraceptives for 10+ years.

Since finding out, I haven’t had the ecstatic happiness everyone seems to have. Quite the opposite. I’m anxious, very scared and wondering what the hell we’ve done. I’ve found myself saying to DH we wanted this didn’t we? I’m so lost.

Today I’ve been thinking of what I’m set to lose - my independence; my trips away with my mum and sister and friends; the Guide camps; it feels like everything will be different and life as I know it is gone... I’m sat here crying as I write this.

Surely this isn’t normal? Surely I’m meant to have this happiness about this. Thinking about what we’re set to gain, rather than terror and these feelings.

God, I just don’t know, we’ve a settled marriage, can afford to start a family, are of a good age... why am I so messed up.

@Paraketamol OMG OP it's like I wrote this myself.

Had a panic with DH last night about the whole thing. I'm so so so scared and overwhelmed. I had a good life, doing well in my career, comfortable financially, in love with my husband - it's just been us for over 10 years - and after putting it off and putting it off we decided to go for it and then BAM! First time, First test.

Shock, happiness, sheer terror.

I'm overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all. The fact that nothing will be the same ever again. The fact that we've been trying to sell our property and we're no closer than we were 9 months ago and now we've put a ticking time bomb on the whole process.

The fact that some days I don't feel like myself and I'm tired and hormonal and nauseous and every time I think about that I feel even more terrified as if its just more proof that this is it. And then I get upset that DH is basically doing everything and feel guilty about that.

Then I feel even more guilty, like God or the Cosmos or Mother Nature will punish me for not being deliriously happy all the time.

Obviously I am happy but at least once a day I think SHIT WHAT HAVE WE DONE. Telling family has helped as seeing their happiness is helping me to see all the good things.

My boss today was saying to me about how he has big plans for me and I just need to give him some time and I just feel like the moment he knows then that's it. Game over. Which I know he can't do but I also know happens all the time.

Sorry for my rant hijacking this thread but honestly I'm so relieved that others feel / have felt like this.

Completely normal! Just means you actually think about the future, consequences and analyse.
Please don't worry! you'll be amazing mum x

Hey, I would really advise that you talk to your midwife or doctor about how you're feeling, you could be suffering from antenatal depression.

I felt very similar to how you are describing in the early stages of my pregnancy, for me it was even harder to understand as this is my second child and was very much planned. I suppose I thought any anxiety I had first time round would be replaced with a nice relaxed attitude but instead I just felt complete doom. For me it felt very different from the overwhelmed / what have I done feeling that people describe. For me I was adamant that I had made a huge mistake and I was so angry with myself for allowing this situation to happen.

It was a really tough couple of months and I mostly dealt with it by pretending it wasn't happening but around 14 weeks I had a real turning point and just started feeling positive moments and soon they lasted for a few hours and now I am just left with the occasional what have I done feelings!

Sending you lots of good thoughts wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy.