Feeling a little worried about the labour

[tlnejntr]

Hi, 5 weeks to go and I'm getting more worried as the days go by. Just need to let this off my chest. I even had a dream about the labour last week! I'm nervous but can't wait for my baby to arrive.

However, my dp (kids to another woman through section) and many of his friends have had wives/gfs that have had c sections through choice have been recently talking about how easy it is to have a section and that it makes no changes down there and they even used the expression "it could be a drain pipe afterwards, glad I didn't have to do that and don't ever have to again now I've got the choice"!!! I'm finding that these comments are making me feel even worse about it and I know I don't have a choice to have a section and to be honest don't really want one anyway, I don't like the fact they have these ideas of how downstairs area will be like that and it's making me feel extremely anxious about the birth, and any form of intimate relationship afterwards. I know downstairs isn't going to be the same, or even great straight away but doesn't change that much! But I know I'm going to want to be very distant with dp after the birth now due to these comments and even considering not having sex again as I'm scared he will dislike me and it'll be the end of us.

Me and dp have discussed labour and birth etc recently and he's extremely nervous and scared about this, he's never had to do it. I've done it before, but ten years ago and I can remember how painful it was, previous dp waited outside the room! And I feel like telling dp to do the same as I feel like he's worrying me more.

Sorry to have a moan, I just need to get it all off my chest. Nervous, anxious and scared :(

Have you tried hynobirthing? Can really help. I'd also talk to your midwife. You must be exhausted by the worry.

For what it's worth: I've had 2 natural births. Downstairs is fine! No tears, and they were good experiences.

Plus you can always take as many drugs as possible or maybe try water.

Nothing against c-sections but they are major surgery. I recovered v.quickly so wouldn't want a c-section by choice.

Pay no attention to your friends raving about c sections! I had one 4 weeks ago and while my downstairs was left in tact it wasn't an easy recovery and I have a lovely overhang now to try shift!

I was swollen for a week and was on painkillers for a while and only this week feel back to myself mobility wise!

I would second hypnobirthing it will definitely help you get into a better headspace for labor, get your partner involved as it will help him too! My DH was pretty nervous too but on the day was brilliant, I had made sure he attended the antenatal class so he knew what to expect and made him listen to my hypnobirthing track a few times.

Thank you both for your comments, what is hypnobirthing? I haven't heard of it before.

I'm managing to put on a good front as though it's not worrying me etc but inside it really is. Dp has never seen me in any pain and thinks of me as a strong person as I have always shown my strength in situations, but I know after last time that labour is really painful and I could barely deal with the pain last time. I did manage not to have an epidural though, just through fear of ending up paralysed if I had it!

Friends are full of crap.

All fair and well having no recovery down there but try looking after a newborn whilst recovering from surgery.

You also get the over hang after.
You can still suffer with stress incontinence, even with a section.

Personally, I had a natural birth and my downstairs looks absolutely fine and feels normal if not better (partners words).

Natural birth with second degree tear, my partner assures me everything feels the same down there (not that I asked, but nice to know I suppose 😂). You got through labour last time OP and you'll do it this time as well 💪 every labour is different and this one might be less painful than your first, and if it's not then you know there are other pain relief options available. You'll be fine

FWIW, I would of course have a section if needed, but major abdominal surgery wouldn't be my first choice. My friend and my SIL both ended up with sections and they were both in so much pain afterwards and so frustrated at not being able to get around and look after their babies the way they'd have liked to.

Oh right, thanks @Spam88 I'm probably just over thinking everything now due to only hearing c section stories from all of my friends. And I'm nervous about it all due to my partner being there and me not knowing how he'll cope with being there and me being in so much pain.

I just don't like the fact they all seem to give the impression I'm going to be the odd one out, in loads of pain and distress and making it sound like I'm going to be horrendous down there 🙈😂

Fingers crossed I'll have a fast recovery and be up and about straight after having my baby.

Also scared about the birth... but telling myself (maybe because I'm naive) that whatever happens, millions of women have done it before, millions of women go onto do it again and it is what we're designed to do.

It is scary though and I'm trying to convince myself of these things more than anything!

The good news is the NHS has people who are good at stitching wounds these days

@Aw12345 yes that's true, I had to have stitches when I have my other child but that was a long time ago. Thinking maybe I shouldn't have left it so long without having another and I wouldn't be so nervous about the whole labour!

Off to see the midwife this week so I'm going to try talk things through with her and tell her my worries. I think we'll be fine, but then other times I panic and worry about it all. I'm going to try give myself those thoughts too and pray they work.

I've just been through childbirth for the second time and even though your first was a while ago, you might find the experience much easier this time around as I have. Actually the births were very similar (although the labour was much shorter this time) but I have found my body has been quicker to heal and I've felt more like myself on the second go. Last time I felt like I'd been run over by a truck but this time nothing has come as a surprise or shock and I'm just getting on with things.

@CluelessMummy fab, that's good then. Hopefully I'll feel fully well afterwards and it won't be too bad just like you. With my first I couldn't walk or eat for a couple of days and I'm hoping that doesn't happen this time. I was induced last time as I went overdue. Not knowing when new baby is going to come is a bit worrying with my family living half an hour away it will be hard with my oldest. I haven't even packed my hospital bag yet 😬

It's natural to feel nervous, hypnobirth is great, you could look for a doula to support you. Birth is a physiological process, your body knows what to do. Sections save lives when needed, but is not an easy or natural option. Talk about your concerns with your midwife 💚

I had an emergency c section. I would've preferred a reasonably uncomplicated vaginal birth. Yes my lady bits are fully in tact but I have a big numb scar 3.5 years on, and am about to have a second c section because I'm too scared to VBAC now.

I've had two vaginal births, one completely natural and one induced. No tears, no recovery time needed, and my vagina is absolutely fine. All the stuff about how it gets stretched is misogynistic garbage.

C-sections can be lifesaving operations bit they're still major surgery and once your muscles and nerves have been cut through they can never be un-cut. I'm done with kids now and very happy I never had to have a section.

NO you do not WANT a c section! I've been through two and due to have a third in 9 days, I am dreading it! Obviously it is up to the mother but people thinking it's the easy way out from natural birth are deluded. I wish I had the chance to experience a vaginal birth but sadly that will never happen. Any form of birth is hard! Your body goes through a lot and recovery is needed after either way. A c section takes longer to recover from and I really struggled to bond with both my babies due to being in so much pain. Having to 'take it easy' drove me insane. I have friends that have had multiple children and they say they are fine down there. Some have even said sex is better afterwards. You will be fine!... My opinion: have a section ONLY if you need to! Recovery from both my sections were dreadful, still had pain a year after I had my first. There is a better chance with you going natural and it all just being over afterwards than putting yourself through unnecessary surgery/pain

@Fedupxmum yeah I don't want a c section I would rather have a natural birth as I don't want the complications afterwards, I want to be able to bond with my baby and enjoy our time together. It's just the actual giving birth part making me nervous. A few weeks to go so need to stop worrying and just get on with it.

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth so I did hypnobirthing and it was incredible.
I had a very calm labour and birth and even though it wasn't the experience that I'd hoped for, it was such a positive experience!
I didn't make a noise the whole time and was playing a game on my phone while pushing lol (it was a really good distraction).

I would definitely recommend it to anyone.

I also can recommend hypnobrithing, helped me feel very calm and in control in the run up and during labour. I did a course locally but look up ‘the positive birth company’ if you can’t find a course nearby as they have a digital pack online and some videos. It really helped my partner too as he felt like he had a role.

Completely natural to be nervous, but remember whatever happens the labour and birth will be very short compared to the time you'll have a baby!

My labour with DD was extremely quick and trouble free even though I was classified as an 'older mother' (35). She was nearly 9lbs too and no drain pipe issues here although I do recommend devotion to pelvic floor exercises.

Good luck OP - you're going to have a baby!!!!

I do wish people would just keep their opinions to themselves. You have made the decision that you want and that’s it. Spreading fear about any type of birth give it natural or medical is not helpful.

It seems you are damned no matter what you do. My plan a is to have a natural birth but I fully intend to have an epidural. I’ve got lots of backlash against this too. People saying I won’t need it if I just breath properly and prepare. I am not scared of pushing the baby out. I just don’t want to feel it at all possible. Just who I am.

It just seems that someone has something to say about it no matter what choice you make.Stick by your choice. I agree with the posters re relaxation and hypnobirthibg. Although I want an epidural i am looking into this too. Birth is a journey and even best laid plans don’t always work out. We need to go into it positive regardless of what we intend to do.

Good luck!

There was a thread on the childbirth board about labour a few weeks ago which I saved as it includes lots of reassuring stories about birth www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/3247793-terrified-is-anyone-willing-to-share-their-experience As you've already been through it you might not need to read this but I found it quite helpful as I was beginning to think about elcs too and this moved me back towards a natural birth (and I'm looking into hypnobirthing, may be going to do this online course from a provider recommended by the blogger The Unmumsy Mum digitalpack.thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/). Good luck with your birth xx

Thank you @laurG good luck with your labour too! Your right, it seems everyone has an opinion no matter what your choice. It just happens to be that all my friends etc are saying c section, which is certainly not my first choice as I'm an active and independent person and don't want to be limited after birth and don't want to not be able to drive for 6 weeks. Especially when it's getting closer to school hols when I'm due so can't have older child bored throughout the hols.

Ignore those saying to just breathe and you won't need an epidural, that's utter nonsense. Everyone's pain barrier is different and the pain I can remember was the worst pain I'd ever felt, but I still didn't want an epidural, pethidine worked for me although I could still feel the pain. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that I can just get on with it and it'll be ok! My last labour was only about 5 hours due to being induced and put on a drip so I can only hope this labour is faster or as fast.

Thanks @TinyTerror1 I'll have a look on it to see if it helps. Midwife this week to see if baby is moving into position.

I like things to be organised etc and because baby isn't down yet it's making me agitated as I cannot get organised with not knowing what's going to happen! Last time I was at midwife she said fingers crossed baby will be engaged when you next come... baby is still doing summersaults and moving all over. No sign of going down yet.