Coping with such a big life change

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My first baby is due in July and I'm so excited and grateful to be a mum to be, however I'm finding it really hard to let go of my job and 'old life'!

I'm an extremely busy healthcare professional and manager and for years now have suffered major stress and anxiety due to the pressures of my job.

However now that I'm finally getting all this time off (10 months including AL) I feel really uneasy about it. I leave work next Friday and am so anxious to leave everything perfect and at the same time am terrified that I'll feel useless afterwards.

I know I can't return to the same job as I cannot commit to such long hours as a parent so I'll be returning on just 3 days per week on a 'relief' non-manager basis which ironically is what I've always dreamed of doing!

This will be a huge drop in income and I know we will have to make it work financially but I just can't help wanting to hold on to my current job even though I hate it most of the time! Better the devil you know I suppose?

I guess when you've sustained a such a high level of stress for so long you feel sort of empty if it's taken away.

Argh! Has anyone else felt similar to this towards the end of their pregnancy?

OP I'm only 12+3 and I feel the same, I'm the higher wage earner, but I also love my job, this pregnancy came sooner than expected we'd been told fertility treatment would be needed, nope. I've only just started a secondment that was meant to be two years, so I know this will put a stop to that and after mat leave I'll go back to my old role on slightly reduced or consolidated hours. This baby is so wanted but I do feel a little bit uneasy, I've always been independent and ambitious and I feel like things are going to have to change for a bit. I also love the social side of work, it's not NHS but public service, high pressure, stress etc and it bonds you with colleagues. I can't offer any advice just that I feel the same way.

I did feel that way. I had a very supportive workplace and I love my job. But once I was off I stopped feeling uneasy and just really enjoyed my time with my baby and knowing I would go back to a clean slate and all new projects.

I felt completely the same with my first pregnancy, as a self proclaimed workaholic stopping work was not easy. However, I only managed 2 weeks maternity leave before my daughter arrived and once she was here it makes having that time off so much easier. Thankfully you are due in the summer where it is easier to get out and about with a newborn hopefully things will settle for you once your baby is here and you will enjoy and appreciate all that time off.

Once that baby arrives he / she will totally take your mind off it. When you struggle to shower / cook a meal / get up off the sofa you'll more wonder how you ever managed to work in the first place

OP I felt similar and loved my job, but then the baby arrived and was even more amazing! Couldn't even remember how I'd ever lived without her before, and didn't look back once. I have to go back to work soon and had always thought I'd be looking forward to it at this point as it used to be so important to me, but now I wish I could have more time of just me and baby, would love to go back part time. Most of my friends with little ones have wanted to go back 3 days too. Its a turbulent time for you right now emotionally, but just wait and see first how you'll feel in a few months time!

Thank you for the lovely replies everyone. I think I'm guilty of trying to think of everything all at once and am doing my own head in! I seem to just sit here calculating how much (or little!) money we'll have and trying to balance that with working the right amount.

You're all right- once little one is here my mindset will change (hopefully to being a bit less highly strung haha!).

There's no right answer. When I had DC1 I did the same - stepped back from a reasonably senior FT job as a lawyer and took on a part time less challenging role. I hated it - did it for 8 months before ending up going back FT. I really struggled with losing my identity as well.

The key is flexibility - my full time role is/was v flexible. I also think it's important not to under-estimate the opportunitues a good salary can offer - e.g. Better, more flexible Childcare, holidays etc.

There's no right answer so don't feel you "have" to go part time (or that you "have" to stay full throttle career wise if you want to step back a bit while you have small children).