Having the father of the child at the birth?

[teenagepreg]

I split from the FOB around 26 weeks, very messy, due to him being unfaithful. He made little effort, I tried to keep him included with updates, and he showed little interest, claiming it was my way of keeping contact with him and trying to make us work. (Don’t even ask about his maturity level.) around 32 weeks he began making effort as I didn’t bother contacting him, however he is manipulative and loved to make me feel miserable. Traits I haven’t fully accepted but it’s evident. He likes to tell everyone that the reason we ended was because the baby isn’t his. When he knows fine well it is, he’s the only person it could possibly be as I have been faithful to him for three and a half years. He got his family to believe it also, and they all demand a DNA test, which again, I don’t object to as I have no worries it is his. He’s treat me so bad using emotional abuse knowing how to get me at my weakest points, aka pointing out I look ridiculously fat and would continuously tell me when he did see me that the clothes I wore didn’t fit me, knowing I struggled with body image for a long time and embraced being healthy as I keep myself as active as I can whilst being pregnant. For the past 8 weeks its made me miserable and I can’t believe it’s the same person I moved in with.

However now he demands he is at the birth of his own child and he has every right to be there. I don’t want to stop a relationship between him and the baby, he states he wants to be involved which I’m glad, I am more than willing to put aside how he has treat me so the baby feels safe, loved and knows both parents. However I don’t feel comfortable him being there, but me telling him this will just cause a massive argument and him trying to manipulate me into thinking I’m an awful person. Does he have any right to be there? I was thinking more along the lines that I would message him once he baby is born letting him know. I’ve been told that I don’t even have to have him come to the hospital and I can make him wait til I’m ready, for example back home, until he meets the baby. How true is this? I’m currently 33 weeks and can’t stop stressing out about the birthing situation, I can’t enjoy the rest of my pregnancy at all.

He has no rights at all and you do not have to have him at the birth . If he somehow finds out you are in labour and just turns up ask the staff to remove him , infact tell the midwives now that you want it put on your notes that he is not welcome . Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy .

He has no right whatsoever to be at the birth, you have no obligation to tell him you're in labour and if you don't want him at the hospital he won't be allowed in.

Nope he has zero right to be there whatsoever.

No right to be present at all. Trust me, the last thing you want while in pain and vulnerable is having someone who makes you feel horrible present.
Tell the midwives he’s not allowed in and don’t tell him a thing until the baby arrives- and you are ready to deal with him.

He has no right to be there. Tell the midwives in advance not to let him in.

The midwives will have your back don't you worry! Make it clear he's been awful and you'd be very stressed if he was there

Good luck! I hope you enjoy your baby and your pregnancy- yes of course your body is going to be different but it'll get back, don't have a negative thoughts, you're growing a new human and it takes a bit of room and your body compensates with extra vessels, blood and some growing room -

Personally I'd tell him no and non negotiable and he should have considered that before he shagged somebody else, he's never getting near you again it's his loss because of his actions

Tell that wanker to do one, he lost that right when he was unfaithful and treated you like shit xx

OP when you next see a midwife make them aware that the father of the baby is threatening you. Domestic abuse can be emotional as well as physical.

Then as PPs have said make sure the midwives are aware he's not welcome at the birth and at the hospital.

Once you get home and you do finally tell him the baby is born, make it clear to him if he tries to visit you without your agreement then the police will be called. Then call them if he does turn up without your agreement.

Also do not allow him to go with you to register the birth. If he wants parental responsibility then let him go to court to claim it. Only if he does that sort out access. With manipulative people don't engage unless you have to.

Think really carefully about having him on the birth certificate, do your research, I hear it means he can cause you bother for years. Things like, he could claim you're attempting to abduct the child, when you're just off on your hols.