Struggling to bond with bump second time around

[dazzleboo]

I'm 26 weeks pregnant with my second child- DS1 will be turning 2 in a few weeks. I'm finding it hard to bond with and get excited about this baby. And I feel awful and guilty about that. With my first pregnancy I was so excited, read every week how the baby was developing, loved buying things and preparing for his arrival. This second baby was planned and much wanted, but somehow as the pregnancy has gone on I've got less excited and just feel a bit flat. I mostly feel big, tired, grumpy about not being able to have a glass of wine and worried about how I'm going to manage with two of them. I don't have nearly so much time to think about this baby as I did the first time and am worried that he is already getting less attention and love and he's not even born yet! I'll admit I did feel slightly disappointed at the 20 week scan to learn that it was another boy as I would love to have a daughter, but I'm confident that will disappear once I actually meet him.

Does anyone have any advice about how I can bond with this second baby during my pregnancy? Does it matter that I don't feel the same excitement as I did the first time? Please don't criticise me for not appreciating what I have- I keep telling myself how lucky I am to have been able to get pregnant twice and that so far the pregnancy has been low risk. It just adds guilt about my feelings on top of the original worry.

Of course it doesn't matter. Doing something the second time around when you know what's what is always going to be less exciting. Especially with a 2 year old to look after as well. It's totally normal. Running round after a toddler whilst heavily pregnant is tiring and rubbish! I found it easier to manage with a small baby and a toddler tbh.

Don't waste any time worrying about this

I remember feeling quite panicked about the prospect of a second - convinced that I could never love another baby as much as my first DC. Didn't have the same time/focus on how far along I was, what the baby would look like at this stage etc. But it all just melted away the second they were born. It's a totally different experience being pregnant whilst looking after a toddler, it's not just you!

Maybe get all the teeny tiny baby clothes out and washed - that made me all broody and excited.

Thank you both, I really appreciate your comments. That's a great idea to get all the tiny clothes out- I'll do that this weekend!

That sounds perfectly normal to me. When I was pregnant with DS1, it was the thing constantly in the forefront of my mind. With DS2 I forgot I was pregnant half the time as I was occupied with DS1

I remember nodding and smiling with an inner face when my midwife told me I should talk to my bump to bond with the baby. That's just not my kind of thing at all. But when DS2 arrived he's just tiny and perfect and seeing the two boys together melts my heart, DS1 is so good with him.

I don't think I ever bonded with a bump! I hated being pregnant and the second time was even more hassle than the first with a toddler knocking around!
I definitely didn't do any bonding until my babies were out then everything was fine- I wouldn't worry just concentrate on being as healthy and rested as possible - bonding will come later.

I was in.total denial about being pregnant and was really upset I was having a girl with DC2 but she is wonderful and I love her to bits.

OP I'm 25 weeks pregnant with DS2 and DS1 is just under 2. I feel exactly the same! I think it's normal though, my first pregnancy was all about what size fruit the developing baby was and any new exciting pregnancy symptom whereas this time, time is flying by and I think I'm more realistic about what to expect. Take it easy on yourself, it's tough with a toddler around too!