Moving on from a bad breakup - pregnant?

[teenagepreg]

Hi I’m new to this, so I may be doing it wrong. I think I need a rant or something but has anyone been in a similar situation to me? I moved in with my boyfriend or three and a half years, when I was 16 weeks pregnant because my family didn’t accept the pregnancy, I’m only 18. However at 26 weeks I had to leave as he was found to being unfaithful. It was the most heartwrenching time of my life. He had no apology and made no effort with me (knowing I had to move back in with my parents who didn’t agree with a baby). Neither him, or his family, contacted me for a month and I eventually started to feel better alone, after weeks of uncontrollably crying and feeling so alone and terrified. I tried contacting him asking to speak so we could sort out getting the baby things over to my mums and about how things were going to work such as him wanting to see the baby, however he would always reply that he wanted nothing to do with me and it was my way of trying to get us back together. (It genuinely wasn’t, I tried to be mature about the situation and it got me no-where so I stopped contacting him as it wasted my time.) I began thinking positively about how someone who can’t prioritise their pregnant other half and goes out drinking at every chance he gets (including the night of my 18th when I was in OUR house watching movies to pass time) didn’t deserve me. However, stupidly about a month later, he began messaging me regarding the baby and pulling the card of, ‘I have a right to know about my unborn child’ on me constantly when I wouldn’t answer and we began speaking again. I’d heard stories of what he’d been doing whilst we weren’t together but I couldn’t bring myself to mention them to him. (He cleverly makes everything everyone else’s fault never his own, if there’s an issue it’s always been my fault about how I’m trying to be controlling if he’s caught to be unfaithful or if I get insecure). And because he hadn’t spoke to me in weeks he was charming and made effort to communicate. I soon, without realising, went back to forgetting how badly he has treat me and how little respect he has and fell back into his trap of hoping we’d get back together, yet he clearly didn’t have the same thoughts. We’d reconnected and that aloneness had disappeared and I felt happier, he was sweet-talking me about living together in my new place etc. I know I shouldn’t have but I forgave him without him even apologising or bringing up what he done wrong. I knew the only way to keep us on good terms was to act as if nothing had happened. However these past few days I’ve been feeling the resentment that I’ve been burying deep down, about how he done me wrong at the time I need him the most, and again he’s walked away from ‘us’ saying we were never back together and he can do what he likes. Also, claiming that we are both in different chapters in our lives, he’s too ‘outgoing’ and ‘fun’ to be faithful to one person and he is still as miserable as he used to be so why would he want us back together when he’s happier doing what ‘he likes.’ I am left crying constantly because I’m so scared and never imagined I would do this alone and sick of him playing with my head. I am devastated to be young and having to bring a baby into such a horrible situation, when all I wanted was for us to be together as a family. I am 33 weeks now and haven’t enjoyed being pregnant ever since we broke up the first time. Is anyone able to give me advice, I hate being this miserable but he seems so happy acting single whilst I’m sat in the house missing him. I don’t know how I’m going to do it alone, I’m going to give it a good go but I am stuck in a situation of loving him so badly that I ignore everything he does wrong and hating him for making what is meant to be the happiest time of my life, the most miserable.

So sorry to hear your story, it sounds like this guy is just really selfish, immature and manipulative. It’s so unfair and ridiculous of him to say things like he’s too fun to be faithful?!! I don’t really have any advice other than to say that even though it feels really tough right now, in the long term you will be so glad you don’t end up with a guy like this. You deserve someone who respects you and makes you feel happy and secure in the relationship.
And once your baby comes, I’m sure you will be so filled of love for it that you won’t feel lonely or sad at all.
Stay strong xx

I'm sorry to be blunt OP. I feel for you in this situation I really do, but this man is using you and stringing you along. He's left you alone whilst in a vulnerable state and only resumed contact with you again on his terms. He sounds selfish and manipulating and these traits he's displaying are not good to have around you at this stage of your pregnancy. You should be his primary focus, if he genuinely loves you; not out getting smashed and doing all sorts with his friends. He wants his cake and to eat it too.. well sorry for him but life doesn't work like that and more importantly YOU and YOUR BABY deserve better, in all aspects of this situation.
Sweetheart I'm not telling by you it's going to be easy but I'm sure if you search your soul, you'd rather be happy alone with your gorgeous new baby; than stuck in a toxic one-way relationship on his terms that's making you miserable. Only you can make that decision though.. massive hugs x

Hi
He sounds like he’s got a lot of growing up to do. You don’t need him as much as you think you do, it’s a lot better to be alone then alone in a relationship (I can tell you from experience) I was a couple of years older than you when I had my daughter and I can tell you she’s brought me the most love and comfort I could ever ask for, she’s 10 now and I’m pregnant again, and it’s like having a little best friend, her dad and I split up a couple of years after she was born and we both had a lot of growing up to do but now we get on well... I think they’ll be a point where he will realise what he’s missing and want you back, but you have to do what’s right for you and not be with him because your lonely, you deserve more than that xx

Thanks all. He’s turned really nasty over the past few days. At the beginning of the week I was invited to their family gathering (by his mum) that they’re having today and he turned around tomorrow claiming I am not invited whatsoever, no-one wants me there whatsoever and if I dreamed of turning up he will make sure I don’t step foot through the front door. Just nasty, horrible comments. I think I’m so upset because I’m so annoyed with myself for being with someone and sticking by someone who can treat someone else this way. I wouldn’t wish it on my own worst enemy. Trying to stay positive and surround myself with my family who have done so much for me but I can’t help but be upset with how things have turned out when it’s really not what I wanted. Half of me hopes he will grow up by the time I’m due, but the other half isn’t sure I can ever fully forgive him for treating me this way. He has been telling all our mutual friends, since the split (also including his own family) that the baby isn’t his and he wants a DNA test yet the story changed again and he insists that he has a right to be at the birth of HIS child but continues to tell everyone that he’s been wrong done to, and the reason we split was because I cheated and it’s not his child. I am drained and wish I could turn back time to when I wasn’t so close to the end and cut him off from the beginning.

He sounds like a control freak, much like my ex partner! He left me to spend more times with his mates and told people that I cheated on him, that I told him the baby isn't his and that I didn't let him come to our 20 week scan!! All lies!! I had to block him eventually because I was getting constant messages accusing me of seeing other men (even though he was the one who left me!) he tried to call me a few weeks back at 2.30am! He's had several girlfriends in the 10 weeks we've been split!! I'm so over him and you'll get there too

How old is he? Did he use protection or did he suggest having a baby?

You’re well rid either way, it will not improve until he grows up. Hopefully that will happen, maybe it wont.

Feeling more positive today. Still no contact off him, I do believe it’s because it’s his birthday this week and he’ll be going out - inviting people who we’ve had issues with in the past because ‘he can do what he likes.’ I hope I look back on this one day and thank my lucky stars I went through it and came out the other end. And yeah we always used protection, I was told I would probably never conceive children and to try IVF when I wanted, (I’ve never had a period before£ so when we got the news I was still unsure because of our ages but it was him that persuaded me into it - which I am thankful for, I don’t regret the pregnancy at all. However now that is another reason he uses to why the baby isn’t his. Apparently if we’ve never conceived before, how is it this time I’ve managed too. A question I think a lot of people would love to get answered but apparently the answer of ‘the body does what it wants’ isn’t enough and it’s enough of a clarification to tell him I’ve been with someone else. (I sometimes wonder about how educated he is.) He promised me about being a family of 3 and all of that but little did I know he now loves to tell people how it’s great that I can’t go on nights out, whilst he can. (He always had a massive insecurity that whenever I went out with friends I had cheated if he wasn’t out too.) Just has me thinking is that the real reason he was so determined to have a baby. So pathetic.