Seriously resenting baby and not bonding with bump at 30 weeks. Is it normal?

[Beed2017]

I am 30 weeks. I’m struggling to bond with my bump especially over the last few weeks. Instead I’m starting to really resent the baby and being pregnant. I feel trapped by the situation and like I’ve no control of anything anymore. My husband is really happy and il be just glad to get it out and hand it over. Is this normal to feel this way?

Probably, just nobody talks about it.

I couldn't walk down the baby aisle in Asda until I was 36 weeks when I absolutely had to sort stuff out but when he arrived I was besotted.

I find pregnancy a bit claustrophobic. You have this big baby sat in you and you can't take a break from it no matter what. It's hard not to find it frustrating. I felt like that with my other two, but here I am a third time.

It gets much better when they're here. I struggled to bond with DD, but that was because of pnd coming in very quickly. I bonded instantly with DS though. Nowadays you'd never know I struggled to bond with DD either, we're so close.

The third trimester is really, really tough. Emotionally and physically. Don't be hard on yourself, it's ok to have mixed or negative feelings towards pregnancy. It's a weird, alien sensation.

I have no idea if it's OK but if it helps I feel exactly the same.
I'm 26 weeks, hate my body, hate that I already feel massive, hate the 'hohoho you wait til you are really massive' comments. I'm on holiday with DH and terribly sad as I feel like this is the end of a lovely chapter.

The only thing that makes me feel better is that the negatives are quantifiable, but he positive - the love we will feel for our children - isn't. I'm feeling more confident that I will change my mind set when baby arrives.

Be kind to yourself. Pregnancy is hard.

You'll have plenty of time to bond with baby once it arrives, don't worry about bonding with your bump.

I hate pregnancy. I hate my bump. I don't look at it and think it's wonderful, it just feels like a massive weight. I find it all very stressful. I don't like movements, it's wierd and now at 36 weeks it just fucking hurts. However when my dd was born I was in love and had no problems bonding at all. I don't think how you feel in pregnancy is necessarily how you will feel after the birth. I just take it 1 day at a time.

Thanks for posting. I feel the same. 24 weeks... 😔

I felt exactly the same at various times during pregnancy. It's so claustrophobic and there's no escape. I felt guilty for feeling that way as well. So you feel shit, and then you are fed up of feeling shit, then you feel guilty for feeling shit. All in all=shit! But it's no reflection on how things will be when the baby gets here, it's hard to bond with something you can't see and is making you feel crap. Xxxxx

Don’t worry OP. I’ve had 3 kids (plus 3 mc) and have been progressively more stressed/grumpy with every full-term pregnancy. This last time round I was extraordinarily fed up from really early on - I told my midwife at my 31wk appt that I had reached the ‘fuck it’ stage and would happily have the baby out. The last few weeks were utterly shit and I pretty much hated pregnancy, couldn’t wait for it to be over. I’ve never been able to properly link the bump with the baby, but I’ve loved all my babies from the second they were born. How you feel about pregnancy has no bearing on how you feel about little one. Last time round I wasn’t only in love with my newborn, but so utterly relieved not to be pregnant any more it was like a double whammy of joy

I'm also 30 weeks... Flip my life pregnancy is harder than I thought it would be! DH also very excited and I'm just counting down the days until I'm guaranteed to be induced (in case I go 2 weeks over due... So I'm not too depressed about being overdue if it happens!). I hate the lack of control... The weight gain especially. Bring on the end!!
Why does everyone describe pregnancy as wonderful, beautiful etc?! It's a lie!!
It'll all be worth it in the end!!

I think it's quite normal, pregnancy sucks. I don't feel bonded to the bump - am 36 weeks and just feel fat, uncomfortable and resentful.

This is my 2nd DC so at least I know this time it will be worth it.

I think it's also worth mentioning that you may not fall in love with your child the moment you clap eyes on them! A friend mentioned this to me first time round and I found it quite helpful. I felt a sort F recognition when I finally held DS in my arms but the proper overwhelming love took a few weeks. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch 😳😂

I'm 38w and with my first pregnancy I felt like I couldn't wait to just "get it out and get it over with". Now with a toddler around it's like the pregnancy can't last long enough - there is still so much to get done and I'm seriously worried about how the new arrival will affect DC1. I'm in total denial and the sight of a newborn babygro even now is having me panicking.

You're definitely not alone in finding it all a bit miserable - we're not all shining and glowing by this point!

Totally normal. I don't feel like I bonded with my first for a week or two after the birth. I felt protective of her, but I didn't feel the 'love' that everyone talks about. My husband was smitten from the day we found out I was pregnant. I have three now and it was different with all of them - but when that rush of love hits you -whether its immediately after the birth so sometime later - you won't look back.

I absolutely loved being pregnant. But I didn’t bond with any (mythical) baby. It was just a really cute new body (I was young and not floppy, like I am now!) I think it is really normal to not actually feel a connection to a potential baby. I also didn’t bond with the actual baby (post birth)for a while... again completely normal.

I regretted it the instant I was pregnant - even though it was planned. It was marginally helped when Baby started to kick about inside me though. Took me about 2 months to bond with him once he was here. When he started to get smiley it was better. No great rush of love. Just got to know him over time and sort of fell in love I guess. He's 6 months now and I still yearn for my childless life, but he's a pretty cool baby now and we have definitely bonded.
You'll get there, it will just take time x

Thanks for all your messages. It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me. It’s been far from the joyous glory pregnancy everyone expects at first.

Tbh I think it’s just the first learning curve of parenthood. You expect one thing and get something very different, and much less glamorous! Rinse and repeat for every stage from now til they reach adulthood. But the good bits generally make up for it.

On my third baby and this is the only one I have been excited for. The last two I just wasn't excited at all. I never got the nesting that everyone spoke about, couldn't be bothered to get in what we needed for a new baby until the last minute, morning sickness was awful all the way through, I hated the feeling of being pregnant. I have only had c sections and wasn't even happy to go in on the date, even though I knew I'd be meeting my new baby in a couple hours. I felt like it was something I was 'just doing' if that makes any sense? Didn't even bond straight away when they were born because I literally felt nothing and couldn't understand why. Only thing I felt was depressed and wondering why it wasn't as i expected. But after all this is said I now love my kids so much, I couldn't be without them, I love being a mum and I'm so excited to meet my new little one in a couple of weeks! This time everything is ready, have been sorting things out since the very start. It's odd.

Urg yes me too at 33 weeks. I'm just tired now. Hoping not to go overdue.

37 weeks here and no 'bump bonding' going on. Having had a baby before I can't really get on board with the whole 'loving the bump' thing. It's just my stomach all distended to accommodate my child. I'm happy to wait and bond with my child when they're born.

ive always wanted to be pregnant, and was super happy at first, i found out at 2-3 weeks am now 15+2 and finding it hard to be excited. I worry im going to lose my identity, i will just be at home all day/night and not have the freedom anymore. I feel trapped too. I think its normal, just no one talks about it because it makes us sound like terrible people! but remember we have 100000 hormones racing around our bodies, this is also life-changing, so doubts are normal! as normal as getting cold feet before marriage. I would open up to your midwife, who has no doubt dealt with this with other mums to be before.

good luck and congrats xx

Feel trapped and suffocated since having my youngest daughter who's 1 my oldest daughter is 21 and my son is 16 i had a miscarriage in 2018 at 16 week's prgnant six months before i got pregnant with my youngest but I regret having my youngest I feel guilty and terrible for admitting it as much as I love her I prefer not to be around her does anyone else feel the same?

I hated being pregnant and everyone kept saying to me 'how can you hate it its amazing blah blah'. Yes I was very grateful to be able to be pregnant and I was looking forward to having her but I started resenting the fact that I couldn't have a drink, I was tired and feeling like shit and no one else understood how exhausting it was carrying a baby. I used to cry most days just wanting her out. I had no problems bonding when she was here but I definitely didn't have that 'amazing lovely wholesome' pregnancy.
And here I am pregnant with number 2 🙃
Hang in there, just remember you aren't pregnant forever x

@Welshcrystal I'd suggest you start your own thread as you will get more responses and it sounds like you could do with the support. Can you talk to someone about how you've been feeling?

That’s completely normal . I felt very little bond with my bump . And when I was in labour I definitely decided I hated this alien inside me .

But when baby was born the love I felt was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe there was a baby in me 🤣 ( if you know what I mean ) !