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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My parents

53 replies

CathyandHeathcliff · 27/05/2018 18:59

I'm getting really upset. I've gone to visit my parents and stay with them, I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant. They've always been very controlling with what I eat. It's very tiresome. Anyway, it's been like this for years and because I've put on weight since I was a teenager, they think they can control everything I eat. It's ludicrous. I'll admit I've put weight on but it's my choice as an adult to make the decisions about what I eat.
I came back to visit them this weekend and I thought things would be different now I'm pregnant, but whenever I've said I want this or I want that because I'm hungry or I'm having a craving, they say "you're not having that" like I'm a child 🙄 I'm literally sitting here quite hungry, because I'm not 'allowed' to eat. I have to wait set meal times.
Last night I ate a magnum ice cream and my mum started lecturing me on it and was nearly in tears! How pathetic!
I've done some research and I'm starting to think some of their traits are those of toxic parents. Controlling me but under the guise of "We want what's best for you" or "We're just worried about you"
I don't know what to do, I want them around when the baby comes as I'll need support but I'm not sure I can cope with this much longer...

OP posts:

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Emma198 · 27/05/2018 21:20

@Dobby it's a case of eating what you can keep down sometimes! My husband was worried that I wasn't eating a very balanced diet at the beginning of my pregnancy and would offer to cook something healthy, it took a while to convince him that i'd rather eat a bowl of pasta than push a load of steamed broccoli around my plate without eating anything!

SoyDora · 27/05/2018 21:21

I was genuinely proud of myself for eating a raw carrot without vomiting today. I usually aim for 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, for the past 3 weeks I’ve been lucky to manage 1.

bastardkitty · 27/05/2018 21:26

OP your parents are toxic.

Everyone else - please don't feed the troll

Pippylou · 27/05/2018 21:26

Veg isn't much help if you're short of actual calories. I was at a PT seminar last year & the guy was waving a tub of ice cream & a cucumber around & asking which would be the health food if you stranded somewhere.

It's always situational & I would be going home, personally.

Grumpos · 27/05/2018 21:31

Bless you OP, it’s awful to have people give their opinions and thoughts on your food choices - pregnant or not.
Parents / families do seem to think the normal barriers of social behaviour do not apply to them and can say whatever they feel justified in under the guise of “wanting what’s best”.

If you cannot directly approach them and tell them how their behaviour has effected you and have them actually listen and change then you will have to limit contact with them. In the mean time I’d just go home! Pregnancy is tough, don’t let them make it worse for you!

Oh and btw - diet is only one of the factors related to GD and is not a leading cause, hence why all types of women get it and not just those with higher BMIs. Of course eating healthily is preferable for general health but having a sodding magnum is hardly child abuse ffs

twistedpink · 27/05/2018 21:31

I ate three cornettos today.........

RebelRogue · 27/05/2018 21:37

OP do you have to stay there? If not,just go home tomorrow.
If yes,buy yourself snacks and whatever you need .

It's not the best time to make a definitive decision but it's definitely the best time for you to think if you want your baby to grow in such an environment and end up being their target in a few years.

AreWeDoingThisNow · 27/05/2018 21:40

I grew a perfectly healthy now 20 month old on ritz crackers and full fat cola, I may have managed some skittles and a kfc in the two weeks around week 27 when my HG abated somewhat, only to return.

I second going home via kfc.

iamawoman · 27/05/2018 21:43

god you sound like a monster

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 21:47

What would happen if you just helped yourself to something from the fridge or a cupboard? If someone had tried to stop me from eating when I was pregnant I’d have lost my shit and then taken a bite of their arm. And I’m a vegetarian.

They’re being appalling hosts and abusive parents. Your baby is healthily trucking along getting everything it needs from you and women have been producing perfect babies on everything including prison food and rations during the wars.

Fuck not being allowed to eat. Fuck anyone criticising you. Fuck crying over a bloody magnum.

If they try and stop you eating then go home and don’t go back. If you want them involved with your baby then they can visit you at home and you can eat what you want in front of them.

But have a good think about having anyone too involved who treats you, your baby’s mum, like she’s a naughty child who can be bossed around.

Prestonsflowers · 27/05/2018 21:54

@BabiesDontNeedDadies
It’s AFFECT not effect ffs get it right when you are lecturing others

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 27/05/2018 21:56

Oh you poor soul. I remember being pregnant and really sick out for a meal with my parents and my dad wouldn't order garlic bread. I swear to this day if I'd had garlic bread I'd not have been sick and brought my entire meal back up. Can you pop out to the shop/chippy? X

boomboom1234 · 27/05/2018 21:57

OP I feel for you. When I was pregnant my dad told me it was a great opportunity for me to lose weight as I wouldn't be able to drink alcohol etc (I never drank much anyway!!) He said I should go on a diet of 500 calories only per day for the whole 9 months. Lol. I was not best pleased but just smiled and said I would give it some thought. Id like to see him try being pregnant and surviving on that!!!!

GreenMeerkat · 27/05/2018 22:02

@BabiesDontNeedDaddies, not liking your name is somehow homophonic? So I'm assuming you're a gay woman with children? Fair play. Except your username suggests that gay men should not have children as babies don't need daddies. Pot. Kettle. Black.

Anyway, OP, eating a magnum certainly isn't going to do any harm. Your parents have no right to tell you how/what to eat you are a grown woman. Have you ever tried to speak to them/confront them about your feelings?

myotherbagisgucci · 27/05/2018 22:13

My 5 month DD was grown with love, crumpets and curly wurlys.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying your food!

Chocness · 27/05/2018 22:16

@Babies I’ve had two magnums today and I’m about to have my third. I’m 36 weeks and quite frankly I’ll eat what I feel like. NOBODY tells a pregnant woman what she should eat. END OFF!!

OP, just leave your parents and go back home. They sound a nightmare and I’m afraid to say their controlling will get worse. Such may have implications on how you feel as a parent. As a new mum you will need people on your side not undermining your choices/actions or trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Believe me, new parenthood does that to you anyway. I think you should be looking at putting some space between you and them. Does your partner have a view on them?

Havetothink · 27/05/2018 22:45

But your own mini fridge for your room and put a lock on it?

Clarashan · 28/05/2018 05:30

I would ask them if the realise leaving you hungry/ stressed/ upset will be doing more harm to you and the baby then the occasional ice-cream. I have been pretty worried about how much/ what I have been eating through my pregnancy and have been told by my Dr that the baby will take what it needs from food and not to worry, take pregnancy vitamins. Hope it gets a bit easier for you. Good luck

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/05/2018 06:17

With my first I lived on fruit pastille ice lollies towards the end, I ate so many I changed our local supermarket’s buying in practises

laurG · 28/05/2018 12:12

First of all op it is rotten of you parents to bring up eating issues when you are pregnant. So I’d tell them flat that it stops now or you leave and they can expect to see very little of you for the rest of the pregnancy.

From their perspective though they are probably worried about you. I don’t know what weight you are or whether they have cause to be genuinely concerned or not. But it can be frustrating to see someone you love putting on weight that will long term damage their health. My husband is overweight and I know what it is like to see him mindlessly snacking on junk rather than just eating in a structured and healthy fashion. Its only human to care that your child/parent/husband is looking after themselves.

But as I said pregnancy is NOT the time to broach this subject.

bignboard · 28/05/2018 14:03

I just ate two ice creams back to back at my in-laws and it was really bloody nice! Was tempted to ask for a third😜

It's your choice what you eat you are an adult. My mum has similar lecture like habits with all sorts of topics, I either zone out or stand up for myself depending on how much the BS she is spouting is irritating me.

I'm guessing your parents don't live a totally sin free life. Are they wearing factor 50? Do they exercise each day? How much red meat do they eat? Throw something back at them, tell them to f### off, and enjoy your ice cream!

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 07:15

This thread has made me want ice cream. It might be a bit early in the morning even for me, but I guarantee that Mars ice cream bar won't be in the freezer after lunch... Think about reducing contact OP if they ask why, just tell them your midwife has told you that the kind of stress they are causing you is far worse in pregnancy than a bloody Magnum x

FoxgloveStar · 29/05/2018 08:20

I was on two magnums a day in the third trimester.

You need to gain some distance from your parents or fully confront them and tell them their behaviour is unacceptable. How would you feel if they start treating your new baby in the way they treat you? It sounds like that’s begun already. You need to start planning how to improve the situation. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Latenightreader · 29/05/2018 08:26

I'm 19 weeks too and I ate TWO magnums last night... I'm seriously considering eating the last (mini) one in the freezer for breakfast.

twistedpink · 29/05/2018 10:00

@Latenightreader you need to get some full size ones! Stop doing it in half measures!! 😂

I ate a galaxy bar in the toilet today because id eaten so much I was slightly ashamed! 😂

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