HG & Toddler care

[littleneepo]

I’m now 30 weeks pregnant, and I have 3 days - W, T & F - where I look after my 2yr old toddler at home. The other two days I work and he is in nursery.
I was diagnosed with HG earlier on in the pregnancy, and I’m on a number of different medications to help with the sickness (been hospitalised once for dehydration).
The sickness level really depends on the day - some days I can just about take my son out, go to classes, meet friends etc. Other days I feel like if I move I’m going to vomit (and often do!).
My question is - what do you do with your toddler on the bad sickness days?
My MIL has helped a few times, I’ve managed to get Nursery to take him a few times (but we struggle to afford that), my DH has taken a couple of days off last minute to help (but again we struggle to afford that!).
My son struggles to play by himself and needs a lot of interaction, which I think is typical for a 2 yr old.
The only thing that gives me a break is to stick CBeebies on but I feel so bad doing it (lots of judgement from family & friends) He once had a whole day in front of the TV when I was really bad and then was a nightmare the rest of the week as he didn’t understand why he couldn’t watch it all day every day!
Any tips or advice appreciated

I had a three year old and HG, it was ghastly. Just put the TV on when you feel awful.

TV is fine - let them judge after they have been in the same position. I don't think anyone really appreciates how debilitating HG is unless they've been there. If you are watching with your toddler, I think the TV can be very educational - you can chat about what is happening.
Other things that may work as they don't involve much movement (which always set me off) - jigsaw/ipad/tablet/books/stickers/colouring

My 3 year old is spending an awful lot of time on the Ipad watching kids YouTube app. It's not ideal but it's the only way I can lie in bed and rest/sleep and pretty much guarantee that she is safe (she won't get out of my bed when on the Ipad other than to wee or get a drink).

If family/DH are concerned then they'll do more to help you.

It’s so rough. My dd watched a lot of tv, sometimes all day.
I had to get DH to make up all her food in advance.

Could you advertise on FB for a mother help type person. Maybe a local granny or even a mum who’s kids are in school all day might be willing to come and give you a hand for a bit of cash, less than nursery.

My mum came and stayed for 3 weeks at its absolute worst before the medications were working a bit better. I had to try three before I found the one that worked(ish) for me. To be honest through it is survival mode. Every day was a battle. Every day I just did what I had to in the moment to keep myself and my toddler alive! Try not to have the same standards for yourself as you might have done otherwise. My youngest is almost two now and my kids love each other so so much. Any ‘damage’ done by my basic parenting while I was pregnant has been more than made up by the benefits of their relationship. Survive by any means necessary and don’t feel guilty.

Sounds like I need to relax a bit & accept tv as the best option on the bad days! My DH and Mum are just so judgy about it, makes me feel like such a shit mum! He comes home and if the tv is on says things like ‘oh could mummy not be bothered today’ - I think he means it as banter but when I’m feeling awful I take everything personally. After the last tv day I told my mum who then sent me multiple articles on how bad tv is for under 3s!!!

Perhaps you should send your mum articles about how damaging it is to have unsupportive/judgey parents?

TV and extra days at nursery. It's crap but you just need to lower your standards

FWIW mine has really enjoyed the extra TV...

Christ your DH and DM sound like massive dicks. I'd stop talking to DM if she carries on like that.

Can you also on your better days encourage independent play, I think you will need him to do that once baby is here too. Set up some play things and just let him get on with it while you rest, some involvement like can you make a coffee? Or how are your cars today? Etc

Yeah my son loves it when I put the tv on! He talks a lot at the characters so at least I know he’s happy and learning new words.

My mum has been captain judgey mcjudgerson ever since I can remember... (particularly with things to do with my son) normally I am able to tell her to back off but haven’t got the energy for it at the moment. I prob should just not tell her what I’m doing and pretend all is fine!

That’s a good idea to encourage independent play, haven’t even thought about what we’ll do in 10 weeks when the baby arrives!

I just wanted to say I'm pregnant with my first and I had HG properly badly for about the first four months of my pregnancy, probably about 8 weeks of that I was basically completely bed bound because any movement would make me vomit, I couldn't even go to the toilet without vomiting (not that I needed to do that much as I was so dehydrated!). DH and I have always wanted at least two children but the thought of having to go through that again is horrendous never mind with a toddler!! You are doing amazing and should have absolutely no qualms in sticking little one in front of the telly when you are unwell!

Ah meadow! I did actually have HG with my son as well but we found we completely forgot about the pregnancy problems when ttc again and only when the sickness surfaced did I think “oh shit what have I let myself in for!”.
The little ones make it worth it! Although I definitely don’t think I’ll be doing this again - 2 will definitely be enough!

Can't believe your DH and Mum are judging you 😲

Like you I was hospitalised for my HG and it was simply a matter of getting through the days. If your Mum is so against TV, maybe she can take your toddler for you more frequently so you can rest?

I honestly can't believe some people.

You are not the problem here! Your mum and DH are! Seriously my husband would come home, take the toddler, make dinner while I locked myself away and tried not to smell it! I can’t imagine my husband making ‘jokey’ comments like that. Maybe he doesn’t realise how serious and debilitating HG can be?!

Apart from the ‘jokey’ comments DH is very helpful - does bath, bed for our son & cooks a plain meal for me every eve that he’s in and takes charge of my son at weekends.
My mum on the other hand is different... she lives 4 hours drive away (obv not her fault!) but when I asked if she could come down and help for a week or two she said she was too busy with her lunch club! I went up to stay with her for a bit in the end and ended up doing more than at home as DH didn’t come with!

If DH is normally helpful and reasonable, could you have a conversation with him and explain why the jokey comments aren't helping? You are already piling guilt on yourself without him adding to it!

In a strange way, me having HG was a good way to prepare DS for the new baby. He was already used to me not immediately being at his beck and call (e.g. if my head was in the toilet) and had begun to learn to play by himself and wait. All essential skills for an older sibling. We haven't had any jealousy issues at all.

I’m similar. I’m only 9 weeks but with terrible sickness. We are currently watching tv together. Then we may go for a walk later. That’s the most I can manage. I feel guilty about how much telly we are watching but I can’t do anything else.

Though my DH wouldn’t ever comment on how I got through the day