Pregnant with 3rd child....do you have the same thoughts?

[Cuddles18]

Hi,

I am pregnant with my 3rd child at 6 weeks. You’d think id be a pro at pregnancy...nope.

I have had progressively bad sickness since the day after I conceived and it is getting worse and I am at breaking point at only 6 weeks!

I am holding back the tears whilst writing this so please bare with me....I have Hashimotos Hypothyroidism (my immune system is aggressively attacking my thyroid gland and killing parts of it off) which my pregnancy hormones have caused me to go hyperthyroidism (too much thyroid hormone) and I am currently battling horrendous GORD (super duper reflux) and an Inflammatory Bowel Flare as well as morning (all day every day sickness more like!).

If im not super sick i am having diarhoerra. Eating and drinking is few and far between. I cant force myself but i am really trying. I have been in hospital twice in the last 2 weeks because of malnutrition and dehydration because of pregnancy and IBD as i couldnt keep anything in and my inflammatory bowel disease was making me pass a hell of a lot of blood when passing a stool (if you can call it that!).

I am bed and bathroom ridden, miserable, crying, in pain, so sick, constantly battling dehyration and malnutrition and incredibly nauseous all the time. To my shame, i have balled my eyes out saying i wished i wasnt pregnant anymore and that i dont want to be pregnant.

I feel so trapped in the house because of sickness and bathroom ‘meetings’. The fact i cant eat and drink properly to nourish my baby is also hitting me hard. We had a miscarriage last August and it has taken 15 months to conceive.

Also, i lost my two boys 4 years ago. They were 4 years old and 9 years old. Im still grieving very badly. ((Here comes the floods of tears!)). The loss and utter grief is just as strong as it was yesterday. So a lot of emotional feelings that I had managed to deal with are now on the surface now that I am pregnant. I cant even tell them they will have a brother or sister! That breaks my heart and soul! It really does...

Dealing with my exisiting health conditions, pregnancy and uprooted emotions; it is TOO MUCH to cope with. I just want to be put into a coma and wake up when the pregnancy is all over. I have prayed so hard and my husband is as supportive as you would expect, except I am living in physical and psychological hell right now.

As my pregnancies have all been very different, i have no idea when this suffering will stop. I do not want to go into hospital as i end up coming out feeling worse with sleep deprivation! Nurses dont mind opening the ward curtains at 5am! And having a good old laugh.

Any reassurance would be much appreciated!

I'm so sorry there isn't much I can even think of to say but didn't want to read and not say anything.

Just be strong for you and your baby.......I know that is so easy to say and doing is another matter.

I've suffered physically and emotionally due to lots of factors and the thoughts of not being pregnant have crossed my mind, and then the guilt also of feeling like that. It's hard, life is hard, it's all hard and very overwhelming sometimes too much to take but one day at a time.....

I hope you start to feel better soon.
I would speak to Midwife about how you are feeling emotionally/mentally and get some help there.

Try to just take one day at a time and concentrate on getting through that and congratulate yourself at the end of each day! I'm sure your other boys would want you to be happy, fit and strong for their new sibling that is on the way....

Just all my love and hugs is all I can offer, and I hope things get better soon for you.....xx

Oh my, I don’t really know where to start. I can’t even say I have any advice but you definitely have my sympathy. Your situation sounds extremely difficult. I know you have said you don’t want to be in hospital but you don’t really sound like you should be on your own at the moment. Do you have family support apart from your husband? Is your doctor aware of how bad you are, and is there anything more they can do to help?

I’ve been housebound with my pregnancy since 16 weeks and I set myself very small daily goals like being dressed by the time my DH gets home from work and having dinner ready for him. You might not even be fit for that much, so I’m not suggesting those, but maybe there’s something you can do that makes you feel like you have a structure to your day.

I wish I could be more helpful.

Hi @Cuddles18,
I'm so sorry to hear about your two boys and miscarriage last summer, I'm not sure if its my hormones right now but I cried when I read your post! you have my total sympathy.

I can't pretend that I have experienced even a small part of what you have but you sound already like you're coping really well (i.e. taking the initiative to feel better and posting on here!).

The only advice I would offer is maybe to book an appointment to see your GP and hopefully they can prescribe something to make you feel better? Also, are you seeing a councillor regarding your past losses? may be beneficial as this pregnancy progresses.

Hope this gets better for you.

Thank you both for posting...just your kind words and sympathy are so comforting to me. I am incredibly grateful that you took some of your precious time to reply. I know there are no hard and fast answers but your words mean the world to me as I really am suffering alone and my husband doesn't understand. As much as he comes across as supportive, he is more than happy to make an excuse to go out.

Life is definitely hard and I have tolerated the debris that has been thrown at me over the years but 24/7 morning sickness et al since 3 weeks 5 days, just broke me today. My HCG levels were checked at 5 weeks and 5 days and the doctor said they were very high (over 30,000) which is good but not good for morning sickness.

I also feel really incredibly sh*%ty because i have had two cigarettes today as withdrawal was making me worse. I feel so guilty and ashamed that i have smoked but it was a coping mechanism that kept me 'alive' when my children passed away so i have been smoking on and off for 4 years.

Ive been referred for Psychological therapy (2 weeks ago) in an attempt to help me overcome the trauma of losing my two boys of primary school age and to also help me cope with the daily agonising pain from my long term invisible disabilities.

Right now, i just feel like a bad mum to be, so so tearful (here come the tears again) and I'm fed up of my husband saying that i look really healthy when i'm starving, sick and dehydrated. I locked him out of the house the other day for being an insensitive selfish idiot. I quite enjoyed being on my own as he has become very needy since finding out we are pregnant (its his first child) and that has added extra strain to my already drowning body and mind.

For now though, i am enjoying watching the beautiful summery spring sky, trees blowing in the wind and tweets from the many birds that are occupying the area.

The doctor called, he is prescribing me metaclopromide which turns off the vomiting centre and is a strong anti emetic. Fingers crossed!

Sorry this reply to your lovely selves has been long. It is just so nice to reach out and not feel so isolated, alone and bone empty.

Send you both love and light

@Lisabecket121

Thank you for your lovely message.

I cried whilst writing it...everyday is just pining after my beautiful boys (the tears are flooding again! Sorry)

I have contacted my doctor as I reached breaking point and he has prescribed Metaclopromide.

Fingers crossed it works and I can at least go out, if only for an hour rather than being a prisoner in my own home and seeing food and drink as some kind of arch enemy.

@cuddles18
Again I echo what everyone has put so far. I had extreme sickness in pregnancy two and so far this one has caused me some issues but I can’t say I’ve experienced what you have. My hormones went crazy in trimester two and I’ve got issues with my eldest and family so that feeling if no one understanding is what I can empathise with, but I had counselling weekly due to those issues and it’s really helping me. You’ve been through so much already that I think you should give yourself credit and that you’ve reached out for help is admirable in my opinion. I can get totally why you would think how you do, however those little steps that Nichola2310 said might give you some small goals to focus on and like everyone else already said small things are a good thing. Keep going and best wishes x

@EmsDods Thank you.. it is a lonely place when you feel that no one understands. In fact it can feel like hell on earth.

Well, I've managed to eat something this evening and Metaclopromide is working for me which is great. Long may it continue! Im just dealing with the horrendous anxiety.

A other wonderful Mum's have advised on here, I'm going to try and praise myself for the little steps and pick myself up. It is so nice not feeling so poorly right now! Hopefully I can build up the confidence to leave the house as I've only been leaving the house to go to hospital.

Thank you all so much for your understanding and taking your precious time out to reply to my post when i was at crisis, breaking point.

I am grateful beyond words. Much love and light to you all once again

@cuddles18 no problem. Just remember you are not on your own. I still have anxiety which is not like me at all!! but it’s sometimes situations that are beyond what you can control. My oh is amazing and his family I am lucky to have but sometimes like you say no one really understands how you feel inside, but I find that other mums on here do get it even partly which helps! The important thing is you have recognised it and are taking positive steps to address it. Well done and keep going. I wish you well.

I’m so sorry to read all that you’ve been going through. I hope the medication works - being able to eat and drink normally will really help you to feel a bit better. If that one doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to go back to the doctor for different meds. The hyperemesis thread on here is very good for advice and support on sickness 💐

Cuddles 18, my heart goes out to you. YOu've been through so much. I hope your medicine is helping. Pregnancy is not fun but there I hope there will be joyful days coming soon for you.

@EmsDods @Lexie82 @Nichola2310 @Lisabecket121 @TheSatsumaConsumer @Jamhandprints Love to you

Super anxiety right now but I'm hanging on in there...if only this pregnancy was like my first and second!

I'm so very sorry for your loss cuddles . It's hard enough feeling dreadful in pregnancy without all of the trauma and sadness in the background. The psychology referral is good, I hope comes through quickly. And fantastic news about eating something! Yes hopefully you will build up confidence but don't worry too much about going out yet. Just concentrate on trying to rest and replenish your body and mind, enjoy the little things like the summery sky as you mentioned. You're doing great.

Thank you @Smellyjo I'm going to take a much needed bath as I haven't been able to properly bathe because of being so poorly. It is a beautiful sunset outside and I am trying to appreciate it but I just feel empty. Heres to another small step and taking a bath 🤗

Cuddles, I have been thinking of you non stop since reading your post yesterday. What you’ve been through is more than most people ever have to deal with in a lifetime.

I just wanted to say that you are NOT alone and that you CAN do this...we’re all here to support you. Hang in there. Sending so much love and hugs. X

@miki123 Bless you! Your positive thoughts collectively with all the lovely ladies whom have replied to my post have really helped. Last night I had a bath and actually felt relaxed! That is a major achievement for me as Im usually very anxious and super morning ill all the time.

One of the positive things I have realised is that because i have gone through so much; I appreciate and take close to my heart so very much, all the positive comments and words of reassurance and validation. Yesterday was my first ever post on a Mumsnet/parenting site and I am so glad I took that plunge.

Im a strong believer in energy and I truly feel that I have been given that energy boost I needed

Just to say I am thinking of you. Reading your first post, what you have been through is unimaginable. I'm pregnant and suffered with sickness, there were days I felt very sorry for myself even though I really had nothing to be ungrateful for! Try not to be too hard on yourself. Totally understandable that you'll feel anxious. Also understandable to feel frustrated by your other half, who is probably doing what he thinks is right - but not always getting it right!

@louella99 its funny when we feel really ill and everything feels like its falling apart when really we have loads to be grateful for but cant see it at the time! The Metaclopromide seems to be working well but my IBD is still horrendous....speaking of the devil! Ouch. I think having numerous autoimmune diseases especially Inflammatory Bowel Disease (diagnosed with ulcerative colitis 2.5 years ago when I was 30- lucky me) mixed with pregnancy hormones is not a good combo.

I was really hoping to be constipated and gaining blood not losing it...but hey.

I realise my hubby was amazing when my shield of suffering came down. I just became very insulated and inverted just trying to deal with all the physical and psychological pain and suffering but he's always been there, bless him. Willing to swing into the car to go and get me caffeine free energy drinks and Gaviscon Advance. He was still there for me last night and he managed to watch a few minutes of a programme last night before falling asleep! But not forgetting being a tad bit insensitive but hey, i guess he is learning considering I've turned quite alien in my likes, dislikes and personality since being hit with the good old pregnancy hormones!

Anyway....one day at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time. Everything happens for a reason even if it feels really poopy at the time (this is hard to focus on when your feeling incredibly ill!)