OK, everyone, should I go for number 4?

[broodybroody]

I am so amazed with myself for even thinking about a fourth child that I've had to change my name for this as too many of you know me!

I'm 36, the other three are 6 and under. I swore never again after the last one, mainly because I was just bored with the whole pregnancy thing as well as broken nights etc etc, so why am I thinking about it now?

We have the space, we can afford another one, but I can't work out if I really could cope with a fourth in terms of sharing my attentions between all of them. Also schools and school runs will go on forever. Finally if I do have another I want it to be before next September so will have to get a move on. That would make the younger two close in age which would be nice, but all the more hard work.

I need Mumsnet to give me the pros and cons! Especially mums of 4... cast your mind back to the first two years of the fourth being around - was it hell??????

Oh lilibet - go for it 41 is not old.

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not all all nutcracker. I was 32 yrs old. I had 2 1/4 yrs between ds 1 and ds2. 15 months between ds2 and ds3. 3 years between ds3 and dd1. I had a miscarriage between number 3 and number 4, which shocked me I have to say.

One of my friends has 2 years between her first 2 children then had a gap of 8 years then another 2 boys. She had her 4th baby when she was 39 yrs.

I have another friend who had a baby in June age 41yrs.

lilibet (stalk stalk) I was 42 when DS2 was born...

My no. 4 is definitely the most entertaining, twiggy! He just seems to be naturally funny, his friends find him hilarious (which is lucky as he can also be fairly narky when things don't go his way). I've noticed that quite a few comedians are 4th children - off the top of my head Harry Enfield, Victoria Wood, Ben Elton and Hugh Laurie - I'm sure there are more though can't think of them offhand...but it does seem to go with the territory. Maybe it's being around older kids all the time, being exposed to their interests and humour, and finding your own way of being noticed.

We are all really really glad he was born, I have to say. It's hard to put into words but he has given us (parents) years of extra interest in kids' things - DS1 is just going into the 6th form, if DS2 wasn't here we would be facing the empty nest soon - as it is we will have him and his friends around for another 7 years before he is done with school. His sisters and brother think he's excellent value (when he's not annoying them!)

ooh this is timely - no3 is only 10 weeks old but were already musing on when we'll have no4. Life with three is utter chaos and I find the lack of time to myself infuriating too, but something just keeps nagging at me to complete our family with another little one . No idea how to pay for it, and we'd have to extend the house eventually to fit everyone in but I still can't get the idea out of my head. Have decided to have a bigger gap this time (others are 2 years apart) and maybe I'll have changed my mind by then if I listen to my logical brain. However my illogical mind tends to win over...

Must be just me who is a miserable old grumpy bat then

Thanks Mears
My youngest is 20mths so gap would be at least 2.5 years.

I never thought it was possible to change my mind about something quite soo often.

How about you broodybroody, have you decided yet ?????

lou

You are so not a miserable grumpy old bat! Your family is so much more complicated than everybody else's and you have such a lot of extra responsibilities and anxieties - I would never have been able to cope with it as cheerfully as you do - I think you are wonderful (fawn,fawn).

Broodybroody, this is so much a message I could have written - am 38 and have ds (7), dd (5) and ds (2). It's now or never. I have spent at least a year fighting this battle in my head and feeling miserable about it (though still being very happy with my lot, really). The last month or so my husband seems to be more pro a fourth (really just because he can see that I really want it), so he says I've got a 3 month window without contraception to go for it....If it doesn't happen it obviously isn't meant to be.

janh

broodybroody, fabarooney, I don't think I'll end up winning this one, we're too broke and desperately need to move for space. even if we did that i suspect dh would still prefer us to stop at 2, I suppose he just sees things as really black & white, the kinds of things we could afford if we only had two etc, that we'd miss out on if we had another child. plus i know he doesn't feel he has the energy (40 this year) - god that makes him sound like an old git, but he isn't at all - for all that babydom, even though i do most of the night time stuff. i truly love the baby stage and love getting to know them whereas his relationships with our daughters have blossomed as they've got older and he's able to communicate with them more.

I've got 4 who are now 18, 16, 14 & 12. The hardest thing with them when they were little was going out, especially as DS2 has ADHD. We couldn't afford a 7 seater car (they weren't so readily available) so we all squashed into a normal car until fairly recently, which I wouldn't recommend.

I had big problems watching them all if I took them anywhere & DS2 used to run off. When DS3 was born the others were only 2, 4 & 5, so all needed watching. We had to have a system whereby one of us went out & the other looked after the kids! Then again I'm not a patient or natural mother!

You asked about holidays. We solved this by having a week away somewhere nice as a couple early in the year & then a week at a caravan park with the children in the school hols. A 6 berth caravan isn't much dearer (& can be cheaper) than a 2 or 3 berth.

Trying to go away with them all isn't easy because it means 2 rooms, so double the cost.

I have felt very torn in recent years because if one tries to get my attention, another will play up. Then again I have to work full-time, so this is probably down to bad organising.

Funnily enough we have never felt that the family IS complete, like a lot of you have said, but at 41 I think I'm pushing my luck!

Wow, there seem to be so many thinking about a fourth! I seem to be meeting families with 4 children all the time - do you think larger families are becoming more popular? I'm sure there never used to be so many big families when I was growing up. Thank you for all your insights, mothers of 4!

It is difficult, isn't it. I'm sure it will be wonderful having four when they are all 6+, and when they are all being lovely, it is the first 6 years and also having 4 teenagers in the house that concerns me a bit! And the money/lack of mobility I suppose.

It is very tempting though...
so does anyone know how long it takes to conceive after a Mirena is removed?!

Oh lord and imagine if it was twins!

broodybroody - i think u can conceive pretty much immediately after getting a mirena removed!

Decided that all these broody threads and how to concieve threads are a sign. So go on brrodybroody go for number 4, i am!!! And nutcracker will too!!! I have to keep Dp off me till saturday though as want another boy.

Im meant to wait a few months cos of recent probs but this broodiness is eating me up. Mother nature is so cruel to give us women hormones but no instructions on how to control them

Yes Yes Yes Broody! Go for it! You only live once. Four is a lovely number, nice and even, though you will need a new car if you drive. I have four - kind of felt I was going against the trend when I got pregnant with No 4 - and, although they are driving me nuts this holiday, I am deeply proud of them all and of my achievement in fulfilling my dream. The gap between eldest and youngest is 6 years and 8 months so similar to yours. Have to say that the youngest is only nearly 18 months so I haven't experienced four children for very long, but I have no regrets. Four is no harder than three. That is my honest opinion.

Gosh I feel SOOOO old. Am late starter ( had 1st and only so far at 39). Now trying for no.2 ( am 41) but wish I had started earlier. 4 sounds fab.. but no chance for me now. How long did it take the 'older' moms out there to concieve?

I had one at 20, dont know how long that took, about two mins i think, wasnt planned

Second at 35 took 6 months and third at 36 took 6 months again, now 37 so we will see. Youngest is 10 months so hopefully another 6 months.

Good luck

Oh maximom, wouldn't be so sure. My friend's mum strated at about 37/38 and had 4. Did help she had a set of twins to get her started.

Wow, Tinker. thats cheered me up! Twins in my family too so you never know.

Plus the older you are the more likely twins are, dunno if thats true but has been said to me a few imes. Twins are on the increase and even more from women who have none in there family

I second Twiglett - we are definitely the best but seriously, I never felt like I was missing out when growing up. I always had someone to play with and love my large family now that I am older.

A friend of mine went for a fourth. She had three girls and wanted a little boy.

She got the book about choosing the sex of your baby, followed the tips, and bang, there she was, pregnant with not just one baby but TWINS! They were both quite poorly when they were born, and are now nine, with quite a lot of special needs.
She wouldn't swap them for the world though. Five kids though, sheesh, have to say it's not for me!

Blimey looks like CP3 has decided for me