20 weeks pregnant and TERRIFIED.

[josiejo1993]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum and decided to make an account and start a thread due to my irrational worrying. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little boy. I'm 24 years old and I'm married to the best man I could ever of wished for and this baby is going to be the icing on our perfect cake. As great as I'm feeling about my life at the moment I cannot shake this awful fear I have that my son will have down's syndrome or another life altering health condition. I did not have the screening test for down's syndrome because since I found out I was pregnant and even before, I knew I would never terminate a pregnancy UNLESS the baby had a no chance of surviving and would like to mention I still feel the same despite my fears. I have been giving no reason to feel so terrified over my son having down's syndrome, he was healthy and looked to be normal at my 12 week scan, he looked healthy and normal at my 16 week early gender scan. He is a strong baby and I have felt him moving everyday since being around the 17 week mark. I have my 20 week anomaly scan this coming wednesday and I'm almost certain he will still remain to look healthy, normal and wriggly during that scan too, though I am well aware down's and other similar conditions sometimes cannot be spotted on ultra sounds. I feel I cannot relax and I am not enjoying my pregnancy due to these irrational fears and I'm finding myself wishing for it to be over and done with already so I can just be sure he's healthy. I know its normal to wish for a normal, healthy child but my fears and worry's are starting to bring me down. I'm certain these concerns are hormonal as I didn't feel this way early on during the pregnancy or before I got pregnant. I also suffer with depression which I have been taking medication for, for a good seven years which probably isn't helping my current mindset. I guess my questions to you guys is, did any of you have these scary fears during pregnancy? And if so how did you calm down and get through the rest of your pregnancy? I have a great support network but sadly my fears still remain. HELP!! xx

Everyone has fears in pregnancy but yours is quite specific, if you're really worried why not have the test? Knowing the odds doesn't mean you have to terminate it could just help you be more prepared if it's likely.

I wouldn't terminate if he did have downs I would find a way to manage. I've only recently started having these fears and I suppose I was hoping that the feelings and worries I was having would pass. Having the test hasn't, so far entered my mind because I've known people who have been a high risk of downs and the baby being perfectly fine, then mothers with low risk having a baby with downs and if I turned out to be high risk I don't think I could go through with the amniocentesis because of the risk there is of losing the baby. I know it appears as if I'm being silly, not having the test and worrying like this haha. I guess I just need to hear experiences from other parents and just get my fear off my chest with like minded people xx

I had my 20 week scan today and we hadn’t bothered getting any of the downs tests done as we were the same as you. It didn’t matter and we would still have a wonderful baby and wonderful life!

At our scan today I asked out of curiosity and the sonographer said we were showing no signs of any conditions or concerns. Obviously they can only see so much but it reassured us that our baby is just how she is meant to be.

I think it will put your mind at rest after your scan on Wednesday and ask as many questions as you want. I wrote a list and asked her to point things out.

I've had a lot of fears tbh, that I've eaten something not fully cooked, forgot to wash my hands after gardening, didn't wash veg well before eating, etc etc etc ... I think some fear is normal but its always worth mentioning to midwife next time you see her, especially with history of depression, they may be able to offer counseling or something that may help put your mind at rest :-)

Growing a human is seriously hard work! Be kind to yourself :-)

I’ve realised fear is a very natural and unavoidable side effect of pregnancy! I’m super laid back in normal life but if my baby doesn’t move for an hour I’ll start spinning into a blind panic!
If you are determined not to have the tests then perhaps you need to arm yourself with knowledge of conditions for when baby is born.
Knowledge is power and may give you some confidence as to how parents and children cope with conditions such as Down syndrome.
You say you don’t want to have the test because you know you wouldn’t terminate and that’s fine but at the moment you are just caught up in your head of “what ifs” but with no solutions....if the baby has a condition it might need help and medical intervention at birth for example. Does your hospital offer the best care in case that happens? If you wanted a Home birth or midwife centre would you worry bc of the limited help immediately after birth etc.

These are just things to think about, if you read and research (evidence and real life experiences of other mothers not just headlines) about the things which concern you then you may be able to start to pull together a ‘what if’ plan. Which in turn may help you to feel more empowered and accepting of the unknown.
But overall yes it’s normal, I worry about EVERYTHING baby related!

I should add I felt the same about DS, I wouldn’t terminate, I would cope however I needed to. However I had the full screening because I would want to be prepared and make sure baby had the best possible options and care from birth. For me, knowing where I stand in important, being in limbo is just horrible :(

I don't think people who have testing would necessarily terminate on the basis of the result - as PP said, knowledge is power. Knowing what you'll be dealing with and having the time to prepare and educate yourself can only be positive, esp if you're already sure you wouldn't terminate. Have you considered something like the Harmony test?

More generally though, yes absolutely I've had irrational/unfounded fears. I'm 37 weeks and currently worrying about baby's sight and hearing. No medical reason for this at all. I think it's normal to worry - I find it reassuring to look at stats, but I appreciate that doesn't help everyone.