Not sure what to do re: birth

[CathyandHeathcliff]

So I need some advice. I have extremely bad anxiety and a tendency to have panic attacks. I am currently 18+1. I spoke to my midwife at the 8 week appointment and told her I wanted an elective c section. Even before I found out I was pregnant, I always knew I'd want an elective c-section.

I have an appointment with the consultant in July to discuss this.

Now since thinking about it in detail (the c section I mean) I'm now starting to panic about that too. Being on an operating table, unable to move and being cut open is a horrifying thought. I have a huge anxiety about anything medical, hospitals send me into a complete state of panic.

However, on the other hand, having a vaginal birth, also terrifies the life out of me. Not the pain as I've suffered with absolutely horrendous period pains for years and I know it'll be much worse but I don't worry about the pain. It's the possibility of something going wrong, getting stuck, head too big, labour not progressing etc etc.
I have a huge issue with instruments being inserted into my vagina, so the forceps would be a no go and I'd also asked not to be examined unless absolutely necessary.
I'm frightened of the emergency/panic feeling of something going wrong and then if it would cause me post natal problems e.g. More anxiety or depression or inability to bond with the baby.

I have no idea what to say to the consultant in July when I see him now.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this nicely.

Everything about having a child is partly or even totally out of your control. That includes how they're born, what personality they have. what problems they have, what successes they have. You don't get to take credit for everything you don't take all the blame, either.

You need to get away from this anxiety b/c how the baby gets out is the least of the challenges ahead.

Bmi shouldn’t impact you having a home or water birth. Nobody can stop you having a Home birth if that’s what you want. Does your unit have a Home birth team? It would be better to discuss with them.

How your MIL gave birth isn't particularly relevant to you, you don't share any genetics with her. Possibly relevant with how your own mother gave birth but not necessarily.

You can't be 'allowed' a home birth, they can't actually deny that to you if that's what you really want.

Hypnobirthing would be good, definitely see a counselor who maybe specialises in tokophobia.

I needed forceps during my first delivery to save my DS’s life due to shoulder dystocia. Birth doesn’t always go to plan but most often it is fairly uneventful. I don’t think you can write ‘no forceps’ in your birth plan as you may need them to literally save your baby’s life.

A c-section would probably be the best choice for you as it is controlled, you know the day your baby will be born in advance and you are in a room full of experts should anything go wrong (which it most often doesn’t). I am glad you have a counsellor, I have seen a few of your posts on here and can sense your anxiety. Hope all goes well for you .

Feel free to tell me I'm.off base or have misunderstood but it sounds like the environment (the hospital) is the primary issue. Unless you go for a home birth there isn't much getting away from this so it feels like there are two choices. 1. Go straight to csec- it's kind of 'the worst scenario' in terms of medicalisation but you know exactly what you're getting and an elective can be very well controlled. 2. Go for a vaginal birth which in all likelihood will be absolutely fine but has the possibility of escalation and although you can start preferences you may not get them.
Your feelings and fears are valid and they matter. I think it's fine to wait till July and keep working with your counsellor on those options to understand what would be work best for you. Ignore some of the unkind words that have crept in, and best of luck

I think whatever you decide to do you would massively benefit from some hypnobirthing sessions. There's an excellent course download for £35 from the Positive Birth Company which will answer a lot of your questions in your original post. It's rammed with informative videos and relaxation techniques, you get a lot for £35.

I personally think you need to be a lot more informed about both sections and labour before making a decision. Good luck.

Do a hypnobirthing course, it’s useful whatever birth you end up with

Find a doula to support you

Read up on statistics and educate yourself about birth

Then decide

I had an elective c section 2 weeks ago due to failed induction! It was the calmest experience ever! It's slightly scary when you first walk in as they are prepping the room and you're waiting on the anesthetist to do your spinal but me and my husband laughed and chatted to the staff pottering around.

It took about 10/15 mins to get baby out and I felt no pain just tugging but they warned me before. I was probably in there for another half an hour being stitched back up but at that point I didn't care because they had popped him into my chest for skin to skin, it was amazing.

The recovery is a bit longer than vaginal so keep that in mind but I was out of the hospital the next day. You have to take it easy the first few weeks but I'm managing short walks most days, you need to keep on top of your pain relief!

Ultimately you need to do what's best for you and baby. A lot of people in my position would have continued on trying to give birth vaginally rather than going for a c section but for me I was exhausted and slightly traumatized and knew that if I didn't go for c section then I'd probably never have another baby.

If from the above you don't think c section is for you then I would say definitely look into the home birth option as you might feel more relaxed out of the hospital environment.