Just found out I am pregnant at 34 weeks

[Needed]

So I went to a clinic yesterday to confirm pregnancy and tall about options. Me and my partner were both leaning towards abortion but it is obviously far to late for that now. I am absolutely terrified. I am 23 years old and my mum passed away when I was 16 and my dad passed away when I was 19. I have a brother and sister who I know will be supportive but they both have there own depression/aniexty issues from out parents passing away at such a young age. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and I am positive his family will be too when he is done telling them all. I know I want to keep this baby and not give it up for adoption but I am terrified. I don't know anyone who is my age and has already lost both parents let alone is now having a baby and I am finding it hard to get over that my mum isn't here to answer all my questions about her pregnancys with us or to help and support me like most mothers would in this situation. I know I am not completely alone but it is hard to remember that when i am in so much shock. I just feel so lost at the moment and terrified I will mess up and not have my mum on the end of the phone to call knowing that she is the one person who would never ever judge me for my mistakes. Has anyone else been in a similar situation??

Ive not been in your position before, but I can assure you that feeling absolutely terrified is perfectly normal when you first find out your pregnant. Obviously most people have about 8 months to go when they find out though so I understand that you might be panicking slightly more than most with baby's arrival imminent.

You will be ok. Is your partner being supportive?

That must have been such a shock for you. I havent been in the situation myself but I did find out I was pregnant at 16 and was absolutely terrified however it was the best thing I've ever done I can't imagine my life without him it could be a blessing in disguise for your family after the heartache you've had, I hope everything works out for you x

It will all be fine I promise you. We will look after you. There will be challenges - this is true - but overwhelmingly it will be wonderful. Start getting those baby magasines (not the books! Not Gina!) and ask mumsnet the questions. And rely on your common sense and instinct.

What a shock. I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking it easy.

I've not been in the same position but my mum has when she had me. Both her parents were dead although when she had me she was in her early 30s. I don't think it made much of a difference though because from what she has said she always felt on the back foot vs the people who she met who did have their parents around. However, she always says that it would have been different if she'd had the internet. She says the internet would have been her way of finding out the things she didn't know. She raised us in a way similar to how she was raised because it was all she knew and so in some ways a little outdated but the older we got the more confident she felt. Maybe not want you want to hear but also bear in mind that everyone is different.

On a practical level, as you say I'm sure your boyfriends family will email supportive, so lean on them. If you are on Facebook see if your local area has any selling groups (general and specific for children) our area also has a mum's group for asking advice. If yours doesn't you could always start one. My friend just started one in the next town along and it's become very popular very quickly. The internet has so many resources and mumsnet is great for asking all of the things you're not sure about.

My personal advice after having a baby is check for tongue tie (look it up), no one tells you about it but it can be hard for babies to feed with it. Breastfeeding can be hard for many women (it was for me) so do a bit of reading beforehand (kellymom is an amazing site for this) if you want to breastfeed. Sleep when baby sleeps and everything else can wait. Don't expect to get anything done for the first few months - that's not meant to scare you, it's just to help you lower your expectations. You will probably be entitled to child benefit which you can claim when baby is born. Most importantly accept every offer of help that comes your way, people offer when they care.

I bet that you will be a wonderful mother. You'll have your own little family and one day you'll be giving someone else advice.

I havent been in your situation as such but had brushes with elements of it shall we say! You will be fine, instinct and mumsnet helped me through, tbh a lot of my mums advice was complete rubbish didn't work for me

I think other posters are right when they say this could heal heartache for you once the shock's worn off and you have your next generation/continuing story in your arms to love and care for

Yes be kind to yourself Needed.

I haven't been in this situation, you must be in shock so please give yourself some time. Dont feel overwhelmed by stuff too, 24 hour supermarkets are there for anything you need when baby arrives and really all baby needs is somewhere to sleep.

I was 23 when I had my first child, who is now 14. I have two younger DC, but I found I had loads more energy when I had my first son. You will be a wonderful mum, please don't worry about that.

It will be absolutely fine OP....more than fine. From what you say, you have a lot going for you!

A baby isn't a disaster...when he or she arrives, you will be amazed!

Congratulations!

This must be a real shock for you, especially finding out so late on.

You have a lovely supportive partner and his family which is great. Find out if there are any support groups locally you can join in real life or social media. The NCT run a 'bumps to babes' group in our area where for the price of a coffee you can meet up with other pregnant women.

Oh yes dont worry about your age, i had mine at 25 no probs - you have energy and your body springs back better!

The terror is totally normal. Mine are 8 years and 4 years now, and there are still moments where parenthood is scary.

Congratulations :) xx

OP - I have been in your situation! Positive test even though periods hadn't stopped (was on pill), midwife estimated I was 16-18 weeks when she examined me, 'urgent' scan a fortnight later showed I was approx 33 weeks! Even the midwife was pretty gobsmacked. My little surprise is now almost 6 and we often joke that we've no idea how he stayed hidden so long as h is so loud and energetic

Emotionally - it is terrifying. But it was just as, if not more terrifying when I had my other son as I had 30+ weeks to fret and worry about it all then. When I only had 5 weeks to go (had planned c section at 38 weeks) I had to just go into practical mode. I would tell everyone and let people help as much as possible with practical things. I'm glad your BF's family will be supportive. I had people I didn't even know messaging me saying they'd heard from my sister or from my friends that I needed baby stuff now and they had x and y to pass on if I wanted it. A colleague of my friend donated a barely used travel system she was going to give to the charity shop. My boss passed on her son's cot.

New babies do not need much 'stuff'. They need milk, warmth and cuddles. They also need a few baby grows and vests in newborn and 0-3m size, a safe car seat, a place to sleep (moses basket fine and cheapish) and either a baby sling or a pram (you can get that after the birth if necessary!). Buy packs of nappies and wipes/cotton wool... That's about it. Anything else is a nice extra but you don't need all the stuff you see in Boots, mothercare, or wherever. Honestly. We spent less than £100 on my son before he arrived and just bought anything else as and when we needed it. Saved a furtune compared to DS1 where u bought every gadget and fancy outfit going.

Being a parent in general is utterly baffling and terrifying at times for all of us. You've had less notice than most, but you can do this!

Also, you'll probably bounce back far quicker than I did at 35 . It was much more tiring than when I had my first aged 29. As others have said, join every group you can and let people help and support you as much as possible.

This happened to my mum aged 21 with me. She was on the pill, periods continued and she had no idea she was pregnant until she started to feel a bit ‘weird’ and went to the doctors who took a test. She was 20 weeks pregnant so obviously not as far along as you are but she felt it was too late to terminate. I also have a friend who it happened to aged 17, she found out at 34 weeks like you.

I can only imagine the shock you must be in and the panic you must be feeling right now. Lean on your partner’s family and your partner, also any supportive friends or family you may have. Accept all the help you are offered, it will be invaluable. Try not to get bogged down with buying unnecessary baby items. They need clothes, nappies, somewhere to sleep, a car seat and a pram. Honestly, they are really quite simple creatures to begin with. As advised, buy some pregnancy magazines or books or simply do some online research into things like breastfeeding.

Nobody is fully prepared for a baby, not even people who have planned for it and tried for a baby for months or years. It comes as a shock to us all but trust your instincts and honestly, just go with the flow. We are all just winging it. Good luck .

Nobody is fully prepared for a baby, not even people who have planned for it and tried for a baby for months or years

This! Congratulations OP. You’ll do great .

Finding out so late would be a massive shock to anyone. You'll be great though! As a pp said, babies don't need much - just some vests and baby grows, bottles and formula if you aren't going to breast feed, a moses basket/cot bed and a car seat if you have a car. Second hand can be a great option for pushchairs and beds, then just buy a new mattress.
23 is a great age to have a baby! My mother didn't really offer any advice or help with pregnancy or the baby anyway. I just got on with it. You'll be fine! Best of luck to you!

Your age is on your side. You will have loads of energy and be young enough to enjoy your child's adulthood too. Remember that not everyone's parents are supportive or much of a comfort even if they are alive. My mother was a midwife and health visitor, but she was useless as a mother in every way, and totally unsupportive. I just dealt with things and learned as I went along, although I was a few years older than you when I had my first.

Your partner and his family sound great - that really is the most important thing. You will make friends with other mothers too if you join toddler groups etc. NCT groups are good. You may be one of the youngest, but don't let that make you feel uneasy, everyone is in the same boat, all learning and needing friends and support .
Go easy on yourself, follow your instincts and just love your baby. Focus on the positives and you will be fine .

My best friend found out about her pregnancy at 24 weeks. We thought she was much less further gone and discovered that she was 24 weeks at the abortion clinic. To say it was shock to the system is an understatement. In those first moments she genuinely thought her life was over. She was 25.

5 years on her little boy is a little piece of heaven adored by everyone. He honestly is the most gorgeous, polite boy. She would not change what happened for the world.

Right now it feel scary but it will be ok!

I was in a similar position. 23, surprise pregnancy, my Mum (whom had raised me on her own) had died when I was 21. I too was terrified. I had no family.
My girl is now 24. She is the light of my life. My reason to learn to love and trust again.
I got married and went on to have 4 more kids. I'm very happy now.
Take each day as it comes. You can do this x

You got this! Another advantage finding out this late is you won’t get time to get fed up of being pregnant!

I was 17 weeks pregnant at age 37 when I found out. Both my parents were dead, my sister was childless and I had just emigrated to Canada! I knew no-one!

The local breastfeeding group was a huge support. Moms with newborns the same age as mine are still good friends now and those babies are now six years old.