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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Suddenly terrified of having a second child!

13 replies

Whofuckingknows · 17/05/2018 23:41

Hi, I’m 28 weeks and had a very high risk pregnancy so hadn’t really given much thought until now about how having a second child is going to change everything. I have one daughter who is just 3 and she is the absolute sunshine of my life, and I suddenly feel so scared about her having to share me with another. It seems so unfair on her which I know sounds ridiculous but I just don’t know how she will cope and how I will with the guilt, and I just cannot imagine loving another child the way I love her.

And - this is even more awful - but for some reason I can imagine loving another girl (don’t know the sex) but I really really can’t see how I would love a boy anything like how I love her. I know that sounds so irrational and I seriously do know how lucky I am to be pregnant again - my first pregnancy was so scary and awful I think that’s why i love her as much as I do because she so easily may never have been here.

I can’t reiterate enough how lucky I know I am, but can anyone just tell me they felt this same fear and it all turned out ok?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MyNameIsTotoro · 18/05/2018 06:52

Hi OP

sounds completely normal to me!! Many of my friends have said similar and they all seem fine now. I've had the same feelings but am still pg but presume it will all be ok.

Pg dies funny things to your head at times!

You're not alone!!

SergeantPfeffer · 18/05/2018 07:00

Hi OP, this sounds pretty normal to me. I had similar feeling when I was pregnant with DC2, and really didn’t think I could love another child like I loved DC1. Then DC2 was born and i couldn’t imagine why I ever felt like that! I love having two now, and although my eldest sometimes moans about having to share me, she wouldn’t be without her sibling. Watching them play together brings me such joy

Plus, I don’t have to play make believe games anymore

acornsandnuts · 18/05/2018 07:04

Your lov will not be shared it simple doubles. You will be fine.

PatchworkWellies · 18/05/2018 07:06

I'm 38+6 with 2nd child right now and have had many of same feelings as you from about middle of pregnancy. Still somehow feel that the baby will b a nuisance in terms of my relationship with my son. But everyone I've dared hint at this to, has assured me it's a normal feeling and the reality is fine...it's certainly true that I couldn't imagine loving my son as much as I do before he was born so I'm sure they are right but I think it's something you can't get your head around until it happens. Hope all goes well

Singlenotsingle · 18/05/2018 07:10

Same here. Adored my boy. When the second boy was born, I adored him too despite having been absolutely certain that I wouldn't and couldn't!

LiquoricePickle · 18/05/2018 07:13

This is also a relief to me. Considering TTC number 2, but struggling to fathom his I could ever love another as much as I love this one!

Baby2018 · 18/05/2018 12:47

Sounds pretty normal, my friend was really excited to be pregnant again ( already has a wonderful little boy) but then when it got nearer to having the baby she got nervous and thought she might be overwhelmed. Either by looking after two or giving enough attention to 2.

All I can say is new baby is a lovely little girl and her little boy adores her, when she's sleeping she plays with him and gives him love and attention when shes awake he likes looking at her and naming her features ( eyes nose ears etc) he likes to "hold" her ( she lies the baby next to him) its all working pretty well - sure it's not always easy but its worked out much better than she thought!

Alabasterangel6 · 18/05/2018 12:54

I could have written that, right down to the same gender feelings. I worried about both the change to my daughters world, coping, and what if I had a boy for the last couple of months of my pregnancy.

Well I had a boy! For for the first few hours I did have some odd feelings, and I had more baby blues in the hormone dip a couple of days after birth than I did with my daughter mostly worrying about what I’d done to my daughters world, but within another day or two I was besotted with him and now he is every bit as much of my world as she is. I love them equally and as others have said, your love doesn’t dilute down you just have more!

krista21 · 18/05/2018 12:57

I'm in the same boat! my lg is 18 months and shes my whole life,i wanted another baby and now that I'm pregnant I'm so scared! I'm 19 weeks and 5 days and i found out i was pregnant at like 3 weeks. i feel excited but not as much as i did with my lg,i feel horrible. shes so attached to me and its always been me and her and now I'm gonna have another one. i don't want her to feel like shes been pushed out and resent me:( i love her so much and i feel guilty for having another one:( i haven't even bought anything for this one yet,still don't know the sex either. i don't want another girl too! I'm not saying that to be ungrateful i just want a boy so shes the only girl:( I'm sure what were feeling is normal and every mothers probably felt like this,it might be different when our second ones are here. they might love it having someone to play with and not sitting with mammy all day! my lg is obsessed with dolls so I'm gonna have to be a hawk with the newborn. and my lg is a complete daddys girl so I'm anxious of how shes gonna be with sharing him o.o!

rightwellthen · 18/05/2018 13:03

Hi OP i really could have written this. I feel like it's such a crazy thing to think but I'm terrified of having a boy because I feel like the love just wont be there. I feel like I can go through all the same feelings with a girl because I've already got one... but a boy I wont know what to do.

It's so confusing and I even rang my midwife today for a chat 🙈🙈🙈

winterwonderly · 18/05/2018 13:15

It's completely normal and that's how I felt. I fell pregnant very quickly after my dd was born and I also had the guilt that she was only a baby too and I was bringing another baby into the mix. I didn't enjoy my second pregnancy and it all passed in a bit of a blur as I was so busy with dd, and it seemed like all of a sudden I was in labour and the new baby was here.

I will admit that I didn't feel that overwhelming love for him straight away that I had with my dd. It took a bit more time but your heart just expands to have enough love for two. I didn't believe it would but it really does. DS is now 6 months and he laughs at her when she's around and then that makes her laugh and I swear sometimes your heart would just melt.

Go easy on yourself. I promise it will all be fine and your dd will love her new sibling as will you. I think it's very common to feel like that but people just don't talk about it.

Debzie9 · 18/05/2018 13:16

Help me

shirleyschmidt1 · 18/05/2018 13:31

I can relate. While pregnant with DS I just couldn't envisage feeling as attached to him (though hoped I would!!) as I did to DD, especially as he was a boy. But I absolutely adore my son, I can be looking at him and get emotional at just how lovely he is and how much I love him!! Just like with DD! I've found it to be very true that you do love your children equally, it's just not possible to know that until they're here.

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