Gave birth yesterday. Really struggling with breastfeeding.

[birthofawoman]

Every midwife has told me that my baby's latch looks "perfect", but I'm having a number of difficulties:

1. The pain! "Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt if the latch is correct", so either my latch isn't correct (which goes against what every midwife has told me) or my nipples are sore and swollen, with broken skin, for some other reason (which could be what?). The sucking motion literally feels like daggers to my nipples.

2. Baby doesn't feed for long - only in bursts of up to about 7 minutes (usually around 5, though). He'll latch on, suck for a few minutes and then wriggle off.

3. He's constantly rooting and putting his hands in his mouth. Does this indicate that he's constantly hungry and I'm not feeding him enough, or it is something that babies of his age just do anyway?

4. He only produced one wet nappy today (much earlier). Second one was just poo.

My baby is the greatest gift ever, and I am so, so overjoyed that he is with me, and I'm finding myself already feeling like a failing mother - as though I'm starving him 😣💔 It seemed like all the other mums on the postnatal Ward had their hang of it. Meanwhile, I felt like an imposer...

I'm going to my local breastfeeding support centre tomorrow.

Sorry, I'm just feeling really disheartened and in need of advice!

Congratulations! With all 3 of mine the first few days were painful. I know people say colostrum is enough initially but I don't think anyone told mine that! It was such a relief when my milk came in and they weren't trying to get something that wasn't there and making my nipples sore in the process!

Get someone to buy you a Savoy cabbage (round, crinkly, dark green). A whole leaf inside each bra cup is great for sore boobs - seriously.

Everything you have described sounds really normal.

You know when you put a pair of new shoes on for the first time and sometimes they rub and be quite painful for a bit, but if you keep wearing them they eventually get really comfortable? That's what breastfeeding feels like for some women.

Google flipple latch, I went through similar and it helped.

Congratulations!

You know when you put a pair of new shoes on for the first time and sometimes they rub and be quite painful for a bit, but if you keep wearing them they eventually get really comfortable? That's what breastfeeding feels like for some women

That's a great way of describing it actually.

Yes, I well remember the toe-curling let-down of the early days. This is why women give up - because no-one wants to admit that it bloody hurts at first, even when you're doing it right!

So when it hurts like hell they assume they're doing it wrong or they "don't have enough milk" (which is actually very rare unless you are malnourished but loads of women say it).

You do have to really want to do it! Very quickly it becomes easy, painless and second nature.

Have you got a good feeding pillow? That literally changed everything for me! We got a Boppy one. Hang on in there, early doors it feels like it is the only thing you ever do, all day, all night. I remember crying about it a lot! You can do it though! It gets easier. You’ll think it strange in serveral months/ a year when you don’t want to give it up! Lol. Xxx

Congratulations OP.

I used to guide my nipple in from the base of the nipple onto their nose iykwim. I can’t explain coherently but it was the best way to get the latch correct. It DOES hurt to begin with and it’s a total myth that it’s painless. Your nipples need to get used to it. The dagger like pain sounds like the let down, I remember it well. It takes a while to get into the swing of things but you will get there. Lasinoh nipple cream is amazing.

Congratulations on your new baby!!!!
I think the thing to remember is that your not doing it wrong. It’s a skill that neither you or your baby have been taught and your both learning. It’s hard work and you’ve only just given birth - there are hormones rushing around, your likely to be exhausted, emotional so don’t get into a flap about it.
Going to a support group is a great idea, they can talk through all your concerns and help you out.
Give yourself some time, your milk will start to come in over the next few days, your boobs will get very large, sore and really full feeling and hot! I actually found this part really hard for feeding as I just didn’t want anything touching my boobs it hurt so much!
I BF for about 4 weeks before moving over to formula
At the end of the day you just do what works for you and you baby. Please don’t feel pressure to do one thing or the other and please don’t ever feel like if you choose not to BF that your in any way failing. Your not.
All the best xx

Sorry for the late reply, guys (ladies)!

Wow, wasn't expecting so many responses - thanks, everyone! I really appreciate all the advice, in-depth personal stories and general support.

We're onto day 4 and still struggling. I'm accepting that breastfeeding is just a journey that baby and mother must persevere through. In addition to sore breasts, my baby now has difficulty latching (despite latching quite willingly on day 1-2) and has little interest in feeding (despite showing signs of hunger/wanting to be fed). He just doesn't like being breastfed, it seems. He'll pull away, and now he doesn't even open his mouth wide enough to latch on willingly - I literally have to shove his face onto my nipple. He still only feeds for really short periods of time (literally, the whole "a full feed should last 15-20 minutes" is so alien to me and I can't imagine a baby feeding for that long), and he doesn't seem to wake up during the night for feeds. I'm trying to 'feed on demand' but it's hard with a baby that's so disinterested in your breast. However, scheduled feeding is also hard with a baby who fights with the breast and then doesn't want to eat much. I'd like to see a Lactation Consultant, but I'm not sure how to go about this (would the hospital I gave birth at let me have a talk with an actual Lactation Consultant? I somehow doubt this). Haven't been able to attend a breastfeeding support group yet due to the pain of stitches (walking is very difficult right now), as well as the fact that my local support groups take place later in the week (Wednesdays through to Fridays), so I'll have to wait a while. In addition, my breasts are terribly engorged! I'm sat here expressing milk into an unsterilised bottle (no intention to feed to my baby, just getting rid of excess milk). I'm starting to consider introducing expressed milk into his feeding, but I'm terrified that he'll develop nipple confusion and that it'll further deter him from my breast.

I really want to be able to successfully and effectively breastfeed my baby, but with all the difficulty I'm experiencing it's tempting to just give up. I'd like to think that somehow he is/has been getting enough milk and it's safe to continue trying to establish a breastfeeding relationship, but I'm terrified that he's not eating enough. I'm so conflicted - argh!

Sorry for the emotional ending, I'm just really frustrated and growing quite anxious to be honest!

1 it's VERY early on its a skill for you and baby to learn together. My dd (now a lanky streak of 17) would only feed with rugby ball hold🙄 your milk isn't even properly in yet, when it does come in it gets much easier.

2 yes it hurts - I think all pregnant women should be told this. Otherwise like you they think they're getting it wrong. But cracked dry nipples is not good, use colostrum or chamomile cream on them. But it very quickly becomes only painful at the start of a feed and then soon not at all.

3 baby doesn't do it for long - still learning AND a tiny tummy that is soon full.

4 rooting/hands in mouth - they just do that, doesn't always mean they're hungry. You'll learn your babies signs for true hunger.

5 one wet nappy. It's quite warm where I am is it where you are? That will reduce urine production a little. Also tiny bladder so with modern disposables urine output isn't always very obvious.

You are NOT failing you're learning.

I became a mother at 28, by which time I'd babysat and nannied for quite probably over 20 babies. There was still SO much I didn't know because you only experience it with your own child...

Breastfeeding
Coping on sod all sleep!
Co-sleeping (see last point)
The belly button palava
Hormones going nuts
Overprotectiveness...

If you're not experienced with babies

Knowing when to feed/change etc
Weaning
Toilet training...

Took me a good 6 weeks for bf to really be 'easy', but around 3 weeks you start to feel you're getting the hang of it.

Like driving, cycling, swimming there's only so much that can be taught, the rest is down to kinda relaxing into it (and I had to take 3 driving tests!!) you know when a new skill just 'clicks'?

I was lucky to be able to bf for almost 9 months. I was aiming for a year but milk dried due to medical condition. I really enjoyed bf - once I got hang of it.

Early weeks - sod the housework, drink loads (I had a big 4 litre 'jug' that'd had squash in which I kept topped up with ice cubes and weak squash and just kept drinking. Don't think I was dressed for first week or 2 and nobody minded. Plant yourself on sofa/bed with Netflix/book and get to know baby.

My now ex would take over when he got in from work and I'd have a shower, change into clean pj's, quick tidy then have baby back for next feed and he'd start dinner. (Another thing they don't tell you - postnatal nausea!)

"I have breastfed three babies and I think one of the most dangerous messages healthcare professionals give is that if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right." Couldn't agree more after I had mine I became SURE THIS is why so many mothers give up!

Also that for c-section mum's the milk often comes in later. I was told a reason at the time but I think nobody really knows. Took about a week for mine to come in.

"have you got the pampers nappies that show the line on them when they're wet?" That's a new one on me! GREAT idea. So many mums I knew worried about lack of wet nappies cos the modern disposables dry really well. Genius idea!

"You know when you put a pair of new shoes on for the first time and sometimes they rub and be quite painful for a bit, but if you keep wearing them they eventually get really comfortable? That's what breastfeeding feels like for some women." Great analogy

Re your latest update have you tried different positions? Contacted any of the organisations that advise (not a fan of nct myself)?

My baby just had his longest feed ever, lasting a whooping 16:21 minutes! And this time he did wake up for it, and it wasn't a struggle to latch him initially. He did come off my breast at around 6 minutes, and it did take a minor struggle to re-latch him, but it's definitely an achievement and I'm so period of him (us)! He was also relaxed when feeding this time, whereas sometimes (when I've shoved him onto my breast), he feeds in a really fast, distressed way! Obviously, I don't mean to distress him - I just want him to eat/not go hungry!

Yay!!!! Excellent. He may have just been excited to now be getting milk.

You'll crack this

Honestly? I found it hurt like hell for 4 weeks and had cracked and bleeding nipples for ages. Latch was fine and no tounge tie. But DS mouth was just too small for my nipple.

I know 4 weeks sounds ages but I wish someone had told me they’d had a similar experience rather than taking to it like a duck to water when I would sit crying and dreading every feed. It was so worth it in the end, keep going and congratulations!

Glad it's improved! It is NORMAL for it to hurt a bit. Your breasts have never produced milk before. It drives me nuts when people say it shouldn't hurt. I had to force an admission out of the NCT woman that actually having another human being trying to extract milk from your breast for the first time will hurt a bit for the first few weeks. I don't like to think how many women wrongly thought they were doing it wrong and gave up. If you are anxious the future speak to a specialist bf counsellor - the midwives were rubbish at helping us (massive breasts, tiny baby) but the bf counsellor got us feeding in thirty seconds. What I found was that if I gritted my teeth and got through the 30-130 second toe curl it wasn't as painful.

Nappies sound fine too. Their wees are small at first!

On and off all the time at first is normal too as is rooting and sucking hands. They have tiny tums, the babies. Just offer food whenever they seem hungry.

Birth your DC sounds exactly like mine at that age. 5 minute feeds, no particular interest, not waking to feed etc.

Sounds like you've both turned a corner this morning, fantastic!

I ended up feeding her expressed milk on a 2 hourly schedule in the day and 4 hourly in the night, MW recommendations. You can feed through a syringe if you don't want to try a bottle - it a bit easier to get in this way. Pharmacies will likely give you 1ml syringes and you can sterilise them the same way as bottles.

Advice I had was that baby needed more milk so that they had the energy to wake up to feed properly. It took a while but I ended up exclusively bf for a year, which I never would have believed at the start!!

Your maternity ward should be able to refer you to an infant feeding consultant- I found them helpful and easy to access.

Keep up the good work!

Oh and I switched to bottles after day 6 and NEVER had nipple confusion!

Congratulations!

I breast fed my second for 11 months and anyone who says it doesn't hurt is a lier

The first 3-4 weeks was the hardest then the pain / discomfort settled down.

It became much much easier once baby knows what to do as they literally root and attach h themselves often before if finished phaffing with my top / bra getting
comfy haha

Honestly it's really hard - Those early weeks are so so tough esp as no one else can help BUT once your established it is so convenient and a doddle to be able to just leave the house / stay out for longer periods of time.

It sounds like your doing amazing!

All those saying how convenient bf is - TOTALLY agree.

I wish this was included more in promoting bf.

Bottles are fucking pita! And I did it when you were "allowed" to make them 24 hrs in advance. But it meant taking more stuff when you went out, limiting how long you could go out for, and I HATED washing, sterilising and the fiddle of making up the bottles, night feeds traipsing to kitchen to fetch bottle from fridge, wait (with SCREAMING baby) for it to warm up)

Bf - going out you don't even have to worry about it! I bf (discreetly) in public, never had to worry about finding somewhere to warm bottle, or if it was still safe to use, night feeds didn't even need to leave bed! (Until dd older) just plonked her in bed with me and cracked on!

Bf is also fantastic for soothing babies when they're sick, teething, tired or just plain cranky! The milk production adjusts so they're not 'overfed' AND even (how cool is this) adjusts to provide the right pathogens and nutrients they need when they're sick.