Feel a bit of a failure for needing to take earlier mat leave than planned

[meow1989]

Firstly, I know IABU and my advice to any of my friends would be to listen to your body and take the rest BUT I'm always my own harshest critic 🙄

35 weeks with first baby and have realised today that working till 37 weeks just isn't going to happen. I'm tired, I'm breathless and I can't get comfy during the day. I work in an office so feel a fraud when people manage to continue to 39 weeks with jobs n their feet but I'm tired!

I'm petite and haven't really gained apart from my bump (which is huge, way above 99th centile and measuring about 2 weeks ahead).

I'm also thinking what if he's 2 weeks late, I'll be so bored!!

Don't really know why I'm posting to be honest just feeling a bit down on myself (as in not mood wise just high standard "you should be able to do this") and needed to vent I suppose.

Petite comment looks like a brag 🙄 what I mean is my bump is super heavy for me and I have to kind of throw my shoulders back to walk properly so I know that'll be taking it's toll on my body and contributing to tiredness.

I took mine from 33 weeks. Why drag yourself to work when your body is telling you to slow down?
Some women can work right up to birth, some can't. Does it really matter if those extra 2 weeks are taken before birth rather than after?

I had to do the same and I was annoyed at myself at the start. But then when I stopped I realised just how hard I had been pushing myself and how much I needed to stop. I spent three weeks pottering, sleeping and eating ice creams in my pants. It was glorious.

Try to enjoy it. Potter about, stock the freezer, take time getting everything ready and just rest. God only knows when you'll next have that luxury!

I stopped at 29 weeks. Not signed off medically just pregnant with twins and couldn’t manage any more.

Give yourself a break. It’s not a competition.

I’ve had four kids. Never got beyond 36 weeks with any of them. Hats off to anyone who can manage it but I’ve just been absolutely knackered by then.

Welcome to parenthood, the land of uncertainty, unpredictability, and blaming yourself for all sorts.

I'd say take the MAT leave early and look after yourself. Get a box set in if you can. You won't regret it.

I was same, booked to go off at 38 weeks, got to 32 and realised there was no way in hell I'd make it to 38. Went off at 35 - best decision ever.

I've had a hard pg and my body needed time to rest. I've had a lovely time off chilling out and feel in much better shape physically and mentally.

I'm overdue now and I'm still not bored!!

I'm planning to go at 33 weeks (currently 25). I work long shifts including nights. People seem to assume I'll be working right up to my due date, I get some raised eyebrows sometimes. I don't care!! Do what's right for you

I got signed off at 22 weeks and didn't make it back.
You do what you have to do for your health and the baby. Stop feeling guilty and put yourself first. Work will be there after leave and nobody gives you a medal for carrying on... said my boss.

As someone who worked till 38 weeks with one and 36 with my second, I would never judge someone who finished earlier! You are having a baby. You are allowed to feel tired!

Bugger what everyone else thinks with their eye rolling. If you are already feeling tired you now are being a much more responsible colleague in doing a good handover while you can and going home to relax.

We all give you permission to eat ice cream in your pjs in front of daytime tv.

You know how people talk about nesting? I had the equivalent of that at work - a sudden, super-high, drive to complete all my projects, sort out everything and just be awesome at 35+ weeks. So much so that I booked a 5-day film shoot with two sunrise days which would mean getting up at 3am plus one night which would have meant working through till then, all in the space of 5 days.

My boss took me to one side and told me I was being an absolute fruit loop and booked a freelancer that day.

What I'm saying is, I get the desire to be extremely competent and go as late as possible and I do think it's a 'thing' - but ultimately if you're ready to go on Mat leave then you're ready to go on Mat Leave. So go.

I will definitely make you feel better. I had hoped to get to 38 weeks, I work in an offfice. I ended up leaving at 16 weeks!! Looking back I don’t even know how I got to 16 weeks as I was in total agony. I’ve been lucky that after 4 weeks at home they agreed to let me work part time at home so that’s helping a bit financially. This is my first pregnancy and the biggest lesson I have learned is everyone is different, and what happens is mostly out of our control.

Try and enjoy these weeks preparing for your baby, spend time with your partner, and generally just treat yourself.

Go when you need to. No-one hands out medals for struggling through. I would say make yourself some plans for being off though as it can really drag. I came off at 38+5. I'm now 41+1 and absolutely bored stiff. I've got my 3 year old at home some days but I'm not really a sitting around type person and there's only so much swimming/walking/housework/coffees/cooking I can handle!

I work in an office too, and with DC1 I worked up until 39+3 no problem whatsoever, DC1 was also 13 days late so I am glad I did.

With DC2 I planned to do the same, however I was effectively told to go home at 38 weeks and not come back! I was huge, awful SPD, I had no ankles at all and my feet were puffy horrible things that would only fit into flip flops. The other women in my office persuaded me that there was no reason to keep dragging myself in (especially now since we were located up two flights of stairs with no lift) and they were really right. Wish I had gone a week earlier looking back, esp since DC2 turned up on due date!

First went off at 29weeks and second 33 weeks .... relax. Don't start comparing yourself to others!

I went off at 38 weeks with dd1 - and I knew this time I wouldn’t be so daft! (I tried to go to over 39 weeks as a full time teacher in an infant class with no maternity cover sorted so all down to me)
This time I started officially at 36+1 but as I work part time my last day was 35+3. Much better! I actually enjoyed my last days and have had some time to rest (while dd1 is in nursery). I’m 37+ weeks now - know it could be a while until baby arrives but just enjoying the relaxing! When I don’t sleep well it’s not the end of the world as I can have a nap later. I can do jobs like food shopping at my own pace (snails!) and without a toddler in tow or cutting into weekend time. Dh feels like he has lots of jobs to finish (diy ect that I can’t really help with) so anything that eases the weekends helps him relax more too. Do what is best for you!

Nutter!

Be kinder to yourself. First babies can be early the week thing is an estimate. I had first at 37 weeks second at 35.

Just rest and enjoy it as far as you can. I got asked to leave early the partners sent me to their internal hr person who was a retired midwife. She was an older lady and after a 5 minute chat put her pen down and said "what does your mother think about you continuing to come to work" so I told her and she said " well there you go! " was sent home that day. I was being a nutter too and needed someone to tell me that!

Please do not feel like a failure! Every woman's body is different and some get it lucky and find they can cope right up to birth and others cant!

I gave up going into London (for my Part-time MA course) from 25 weeks because:

1. No one ever gave up their bloomin seat for me
2. I couldn't deal with the heat and smells
3. I suffered with hip issues in pregnancy
4. Couldn't make it whole way to uni without being sick

I also then went on mat leave at 35 weeks because:

1. Due to my hip issues I struggled to drive to work
2. I was just so bloomin tired
3. I was fed up of dragging my shitty fat body to the loo to either pee or be sick every half hour at work
4. BH were getting awkwardly painful at work

I'm glad I ended up leaving at 36 weeks because DS popped out at 37 weeks!

You wont be bored if you go over term, you'll have 7 weeks to relax and get anything left to get done sorted! (Highly recommend doing a deep clean of your house, i.e. behind sofas, sort out kitchen cupboards etc, I haven't managed to do one since DS has been born!)

Watch box sets, read books go to places you enjoy - because you will struggle to find time to do all these things!

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself! It’s your pregnancy and if you want to finish work then do it. I’ve just started mat leave at 34 weeks and I work in an office.

I’m excited to spent the next few weeks getting the house ready, visiting family and just relaxing! 1 day in but I’m loving it so far :)

Do what you need to do. You’ll need energy for labour and the first few weeks after so don’t burn yourself out. With my first I was signed off at 36 weeks medically so my mat leave automatically started, to be honest I was bored and if I was able to be in work I would rather have been (I was super prepared and had everything ready) with my second I worked until 10 days before my due date and she came 4 days late, I was again bored at home but was struggling with spd so sitting in an office left me uncomfortable it was the right choice for me.

I did take the time to pamper myself. Had my nails/hair done, caught up with friends if they weren’t at work.

Good luck with everything

I'm 31 + 3 and I went part time at 30 weeks (my employer allowed me to use 3 weeks leave as 6 weeks of half days) and I am finishing at 36 weeks. I am VERY glad I have decided to do so as I am already finding it a bit of a struggle, working part time has made a huge difference as my baby is breach which is making it extremely uncomfortable to do anything, I am huge, and I am finding shortness of breath quite an issue whilst I am at my desk.

Honestly don't beat yourself up! enjoy some time to yourself before your baby arrives :)

I feel the same as you OP. Pregnant with number 3. Was originally planning to go to 39wks, then 37wks. However I was signed off at 32wks with anaemia & a chest infection. I have just decided not to go back. I'm 36wks, exhausted, uncomfortable and I want to do the best for my baby.
You are doing what is best for your baby. I'm telling myself that hourly so I don't feel guilty, it's for baby, not me

With my twin pregnancy I basically did nothing after 24 weeks.
My son was in childcare and my husband did all the cooking and cleaning after work. The pregnancy and the aches and pains were all consuming. Sometimes you just need a rest.

Don't feel guilty! Your body is letting you know that you are overdoing it and need to rest. Don't do what I did and try to soldier on when you shouldn't - I ended up with pre-eclampsia, blood pressure through the roof and giving birth early. I really, really should have listened to my body and started mat leave earlier. Your body is doing an enormous thing that takes so much energy from you. Look after yourself, work will still be there in a few months time and no one wants you to make yourself ill.

Like everyone else says, do what you need to do. I left around 35/36 weeks with my first and 33 weeks with my youngest although I did use leave for both so technically didn't go on Mat leave for the first couple of weeks. I was huge and exhausted with both. I'm also short and had two very large babies. With my second I was also under risk of redundancy so work wasn't a fun place to be.

Trust me, you won't be bored at home. I loved my mat leave with my first, chilling out doing loads of reading, watching box sets etc. With my youngest, my eldest had flu the first week, I had flu the second week, had about a week to myself while eldest was at childminders then I ended up in hospital at 37 weeks and had him at 38!