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Original poster

I just need a hug

10 replies

L2018 · 13/05/2018 16:27

Hi,

I miscarried on Tuesday and I’m just really struggling emotionally. My partner was really supportive on the day it happened but ever since has just acted like nothing is wrong. Im dying inside! And he has done nothing all day but been in his phone clothes shopping and shit. All of my feeling and thoughts are just building up, I feel like I’m about to explode. I just really need a good cry and huge but I feel his not approachable. Xxx

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 13/05/2018 16:40

Sad Sorry that this happened to you. Flowers
Perhaps your partner just doesn't know what to say/do?
Just do what feels naturally, I'm sure he wouldn't reject you if you did approach him ande had a good cry, however if you're not sure then maybe you could send him a text to say 'please give me a hug'. Is there anyone else you could reach out to who would give you a non-judgemental hug?

AdoraBell · 13/05/2018 16:43

(((Hugs))) I’m so sorry for your loss Sad Thanks

Cakelaur · 13/05/2018 17:29

Hi babe. I know how you feel. I was there in Jan. Lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks. (Mmc) I was devastated. I was so shocked. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. You need to allow yourself to recognise the baby as your baby and that you've lost it, to allow yourself to grieve. It took me a good couple of months to come to terms with it. It doesn't help that your hormones will be all over the place either. Sending massive hugs. Be kind to yourself. And I promise it does get better. But it does take time. I actually started a blog, because I had to vent and cry and express emotions somehow. If you'd like to read it's
ttcabiggerhousehold.blogspot.co.uk
There is a post on there specifically about the difference between my day and my OH's day since the loss. He really struggled with supporting me, partly because he was shocked at how hard it hit me. But my whole world stopped and it totally broke me.
We carried on ttc and I did fall pregnant again 3 cycles later. Which has helped me heal. But you need to do what's right for you.
If defo try to talk to your OH. He may just not be showing he's hurting.
Sending massive hugs babe. Here is you ever want a chat. Also see how you go, but you can get free counselling on NHS which lots of ladies on here have been through. I also joined a great group on the TTC pages for TTC after loss. and they're fantastic as support. Good luck lady. Xx

Somanyshoes · 13/05/2018 17:37

Sending big hugs. Just wanted to say you're not alone, I've just been through the same, MMC at nearly 11 weeks and coming through the other side of it now, I would have been 13 weeks this weekend just gone and making our 'announcement' public, sadly it wasn't to be and it is heartbreaking. However, with time, you will get through this. Flowers

MrsMozart · 13/05/2018 17:40

Big hug from me Flowers

KTD27 · 13/05/2018 17:41

Oh goodness you poor thing. Sending you massive hugs.
We lost our first baby very early on in the pregnancy and my usually amazingly lovely husband had no idea how to deal with it. He even thought a few months the down the line that I might want a divorce as I ‘seemed
so sad’ (he hadn’t quite put two and two together. Sigh) Anyway. As ever the only thing to rectify the situation and I mean really sort it is to talk. Tell him how you feel. Grieve together and tell him you need his support. You might need to spell out how to do this if he is anything like my DH.
It takes different people different lengths of time and there are no hard and fast rules.
But talk. You need to let it out it’s totslly understandable and normal. And it will get better.
I promise
Xxx much love

Emelene · 13/05/2018 17:43

Big hugs OP, be kind to yourself. It sounds so hard xxx Thanks

Amber199082 · 13/05/2018 21:42

Big hugs to you Thanks I was in the same situation last year, felt totally alone and hubby was obviously sad but just couldn't comprehend why I was so distraught

Unfortunately it's a feeling no man could ever understand, although they may try. I'm sure he won't be doing this intentionally, he will just have his own way on dealing with the loss.

It really is one of those things where you need to give yourself time to greave and know that you are entitled to feel the way you are feeling. Take care of yourself Thanks

Mousefunky · 13/05/2018 22:01

Huge hugs to you, I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers. I had two MMC last year and my DP just didn’t know what to say or do. I think it’s very tricky for people to know how to handle other people’s grief and indeed their own. Men also tend to deal with emotions differently to women and struggle to get them across as well as we do. I don’t think he’ll mean to be unsupportive, he probably just doesn’t know what to say and is struggling with the shock of it all himself.

You must be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to grieve. Do whatever it takes to heal in your own way and time. Try counselling if you can, it is honestly invaluable.

Maedoula · 14/05/2018 19:17

So sorry you're going through this. Take some time out for yourself, is there anyone else you can lean on if he is not approachable? Time was the biggest healer for me when I miscarried, it will be for you too. Take each day as it comes xx Thanks

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