DC has a disability. Pregnant again

[twirlywho]

Hello
I find myself expecting slightly unplanned but not unwelcome. My child was born with various congenital problems. There is no known genetic cause for my son's issues. He is an absolute joy despite a hard start to his life.

Just wondered if anyone else was in a similar boat or has been before... trying not to worry but I am iyswim.

No similar experience but just posting until someone more knowledgeable comes along.

My cousin has an eldest Dc with quinn profound disabilities. Her other two Dc have none.

It did make it difficult with a newborn. I hope you have some family support .

Congratulations.

quite not quinn

Thanks somewhere

My second child has autism which has profoundly affected our lives and of course, his. He was diagnosed at 2 and goes to a special school. He has just toilet trained at 8.

I really, really wanted a third child but I had lots of people close to me who said it would be a bad idea in case I had another with autism. And even if this child was NT, they questioned how I would cope.

Well, thankfully I didn't listen, I had my third baby and decided that autism or no autism, I'd manage. My three children play together and my disabled son has two friends for life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, it is such an exciting time and I'm very jealous!

Also, it helped me to think that everything my child was destined to be was written into that tiny embryo from the start - and no amount of worrying or hoping was going to change it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy I'm pregnant with my second now, my daughter who's two is profoundly deaf, she has a really rare form of deafness that isn't picked up at newborn screen. She's got cochlear implants now and is doing well, but it's hard work and she'll have to work very hard throughout her life whether she chooses to be oral or use manual language. We've had genetic tests done but i don't think we'll get the results back before this baby is born.

If this baby is deaf then we'll manage, and love and cherish it just as much as we do my daughter, who makes us so proud. But I must admit that I'd love to have a hearing child. Partly for them, I'd want to avoid then going through what dd has been through (2 surgeries, 7 hospital admissions, billions of appointments), partly for me, because it can be very hard.

Thanks mrsbobdylan lovely to hear you ignored them and have 3 lovely children.

and nomorespaghetti congrats and wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

I would prefer thid child to be healthy and develop typically as my son suffered a lot in his first 2 years with surgeries and illness. He is now delayed and has autism but a very healthy boy who love music and us so happy and loving.

Saw genetics as a stroke of luck yesterday and have been referred to fetal medicine for detailed scans and an mri.

Now I just need to stop feeling so sick. Sick as a dog 🤢😔

Hi twirlywho. My DC has asd. I a, now pregnant with dc2, nervous but as an older mum after tears thinking about it we decided to go for it. How far along are you? x

I feel for you as a radiographer who sees the pain children and their family with disabilities go through. Also, I was an unplanned but welcome child and my sister (a year older) was a sick baby. She had asthma and allergies but we also have a diagnosed autistic child in my family...you can see it's a common diagnosed trait as we were all late developers. Now there is a lot more diagnostic tools its both good but can be very stressful for parents. My cousins daughter is going through the diagnostic process for her daughters lungs (simular symptoms to my sister as a child).

What I'm trying to say is, as you know with your son children often adapt well to disablities and "grow out of it". I know thats not politically correct as they will still have difficulties. The diagnostic tools will hopefully give you some reasurrence but at the end of the day doctors aren't gods and cannot predict the future. My mum for example decided against the downs testing offered as she had friends with downs children and she didn't need to know until after the baby is born. I'm pregnant now and happily take all the tests offered, just becuase I like to be reassured and/or prepared. Good luck with your pregnancy, whatever you decide. May not even have been a genetic issue with your son, could have something triggered by the environment, and you'll never know what. maybe it was even just a single mutated egg or sperm, effected by radiation, hormones or other chemicals. So don't blame yourself.

embracethechaos that must be a stressful but interesting job. DS sort of grew out of his breathing problems it was "a matter of physics" the doctor said and he was right. My main worry is a more severe brain malformation (holoprosencephaly) which DS has a microform of. It is not seen as compatible with life and I don't think I will continue the pregnancy if a severe type is found. But that is a worry for 16 weeks/ 20 weeks. No point stressing. As you say nothing to say this is inherited.

futuremum I am 8 weeks ish how far are you? Congrats on your pregnancy.

I do worry how my son will cope with the baby he has sensory issues with noise but we are making good progress with ear defenders. I just hope this is the right thing and will help him by having someone who will be in his corner.

good luck with your scan. I've not heard of that disorder, Muscular dystrophy is one of worst I've come across, they were doing reasearch into it in GOS when I went as a student. I'm glad to hear your son is well, but I don't think I'd want to continue a pregnacy if it tested positive either, allthough I'm genrally anti-abortion. One of the hardest thing I found in my job was to X-ray 2 disabled brothers with muscular skeletal and brain development issues. It's the decison only the family can make but made me think if me and my partner were discovered to both carry resesive genes for severe disablity I wouldn't want children natrally, I'd rather adopt. It must be really hard seeing all those legal cases in the media of dying babies and when people use steven hawkings as an example...he was a rare exception, lived a long and fullfilling life.

I am glad to hear your son is now developing well and is happy and healthy.