NCT courses clashing with SIL wedding, what's it like going on an earlier course?

[sparkling123]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a little advice from anyone who has been on an NCT course that was not for their due date. I'm considering going on a course for due dates Late July to Late September, but I'm due October 18th. Has anyone been on a course with a similar mismatch and how was it?

I've just moved to a new area, and have been advised by 2 friends who had been in a similar situations that the NCT courses were great for making friends and meeting other Mum's to be, when you don't have your support network nearby. My reservation with going to an earlier one is I will almost definitely be about a month out of step with most other Mums.

There is a course available that is perfect, it is in the town of hospital I am going to and matches for due dates but the issue is it starts on the Saturday morning, the day after my SIL's wedding, I don't want to dash off in the morning (it's a 2 hour drive) as my Husband is giving her away after their Dad died suddenly 2 years ago, so I think it's important we are around for the whole weekend. Also there is plans for a meal on the Sunday, which is the 2nd day of the course, so I will be missing the majority of the course if I go on this one.

There is a 3rd course I could attend, but it is in a different county, and so Mum's will all be attending different hospital, and I would miss the breastfeeding session for that one as it is the night before the wedding.

Not sure what to do at all! Advice on similar predicaments would be really helpful :) TIA

How many weeks is the course? Could you do the one that is perfect but just miss that one week?

Hi usernotfound,

I thought that as well, but it's the 2 sessions I could attend are the really short sessions. I've copied timetable for ideal one below from NCT site (SIL is marrying on Friday 10th August, and the get together meal is planned for Sunday the 12th):

Saturday 11/08/2018 09:30-14:00
Sunday 12/08/2018 09:30-14:00
Tuesday 14/08/2018 09:30-12:30 Women only.
Saturday 18/08/2018 10:00-12:30 Breastfeeding

Hormones aren't helping my decision making at the moment and don't want to discuss much with Husband and don't want to make him feel pressured about it.

sorry, should have previewed that copy and paste effort!
Saturday 11/08/2018 09:30-14:00
Sunday 12/08/2018 09:30-14:00
Tuesday 14/08/2018 09:30-12:30 Women only.
Saturday 18/08/2018 10:00-12:30 Breastfeeding

If it's for due dates late July to late September then I guess the other mums will be quite a spread of dates too. So maybe being a month later won't be so bad. In my area they only put 8 mums per course so the likelihood of them all being close together within that spread seems low.

I did an NCT course. In our group we have 1 April birthday, 1 May birthday (exactly a month apart) 2 June Birthdays and a late July birthday. It's worked absolutely fine, our children are all very different as are our parenting styles (and births!) and we all get on well and the kiddies do too. Just don't fall down the comparison trap and all will be well. Incidentally the July birthday was supposed to be August and they had to do the earlier course with us due to work commitments. Apart from the Mum to be bump being considerably smaller than ours (course was in late March) there was no difference at all.

Being maybe a month later than other mums possibly won't matter too much.

I went to an earlier course with my 2nd baby (they only ran them every so often) because my 1st baby was born at 35 weeks and I was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks before, so I missed my classes the first time. The problem that I found was that by the time my baby was born the other babies were that much older and so the mums were at different phases and this continued really. I still met up regularly with them but there was always a constant feeling of being out of step. Better than not going at all and I made some good friends so I would say if the choice is go earlier or not at all then I would go earlier.

I'd do the late July to Late Sept one

Its the learning and talking together that creates the relationship, not the precise date of babies, who are often early or late as they see fit.

Better to do all of one course than miss half of another.

Also if your NHS run courses, don't dismiss them and do them too. Ditto any pregnancy yoga/swimming etc. Ours were run by community midwives, in our very local neighbourhood, I made friends for life there.

I had a similar problem, my due date as the 8th October . We went for the earlier dates , it worked quite well as my DD came early , so it fitted perfectly . My DD was the youngest in the group by 10'days , 6 years later we are all still friends and in the same year at school

I'm due late may, went to nct for mar/apr/may and the others on the course were all due by the first week in may, all 8+ weeks ahead of me.
I felt completely left out and didn't go back.

Thank you ladies, that is really reassuring that it is not a huge issue!
Tinyterror, merry and paw, I hadn't thought of it like that, if they are quite spread out dates wise. Also I suppose someone will always be the first one in a group, and the last, so I will probably be the last, but as you say paw, that might not be the case :)

Sweetiebaby and winddoesnotbreak - that was my worry, to know if missing any was a big deal but your right, it's better to at least go to a course even if you're later.

Foxtrot, I'm just signing up to pregnancy yoga today! Finally getting myself organised! Eek!

Thank you for all the advice, it's all getting very real and exciting now :)

Hello we are on holiday when out due date course is run so we are going on the earlier one too. I don't think it will make that much difference, just have to remember everything for longer with our baby brains lol (maybe take a notebook) xxx

hehe, yes Olive, I got in touch with the course organiser to ask and she did say you risk forgetting the information by the time you need it! Does it get that bad? I'm already pretty bad and I'm only 17 weeks

They might not let you book onto a course outside of the advertised dates due to supply and demand. Most courses only allow a max of 8 couples. When we signed up we could only enrol on the dates of our EDD.

I was the last date in my NCT course and then I was 2 weeks overdue. It was slightly galling at the time, everyone was meeting up with me but I was still pregnant. I found it slightly galling, but noone else had a problem with it! They were all too focused on their newborns to worry I hadn't had mine.

Also, my second NCT group, I had a 3 year old in tow and the ladies were lovely. Still in touch now.

I'd do the July-Sept one. You might feel a bit out of step for a couple of months. But there's no point missing such a large amount of the other one and if you don't do it at all you won't have met NCT friends at all.

I’ve been in two NCT groups. One had a range of a month for all the births and the other one six weeks. However, in all honestly, the course content is secondary to the real reason most people do the course, which is for the social side of things. I’d do whichever group you feel happiest regarding the birth date and if that means you miss a few sessions, it won’t matter.

I'd prioritise the course being close to you, as you want to be close by to meet up after.

Could you go to your perfect date course solo on the Saturday, then go back to the wedding location for the Sunday?

My NCT group had range of due dates, and due to an ELCS mine is the first born, and most of the others are 5-6 weeks younger. It matters far less now, but in the early days I would have rather have been the last in the earlier group as I had no one to ask advice.

Thanks for the advice. Dreaming, I was thinking of doing something like that but the course is on the Sunday too so I would still be missing a third of the course (as the Sat and Sun are 4.5 hours each, the other 2 sessions, that I can make, are only 2.5/3.5 hours).

I'm now 90% sure I'll go with the July - Sept, it is only another 5/10 mins drive than the ideal one, just in the opposite direction. Also, it's in a town I am really familiar with so won't feel too strange going there to meet up.

Thanks for everyone's advice, it seems like the general feeling is go for the earlier one, better to be on a course than not. I'm feeling a lot better about it now, and not like it's some sort of crucial decision that I have to get 100% right, or I have already failed in the first step of motherhood

Totally agree that dates will probably end up being less important than being local/in a place easy to meet up - my group had birthdays from mid March to early July, but the couple of women in the group who lived further away were the ones who ended up doing less of the social stuff after we all had the babies, just cause it was a bit harder.

Just posting to say that you probably already know this but might be worth checking whether any non-NCT courses are available in your area, in case there is an even better option for you - I did a non-NCT one because it was a closer location to where we lived, and the content /cost was pretty much the same, just happened to work out better for us in terms of date and place.

(And I am also due October, though second child so am wondering whether to do antenatal courses again or just wing it!)

Hi Bowbelle, yeah I was wondering what people's experience was of these, the only ones available in my town is hypnobirthing. There is an active birthing one nearby (which is same distance as one I think I'll go on). I think I will also book onto the NHS course held near the maternity unit I'm going to.