I had an abortion but I keep thinking about the baby I would of had

[smendo]

Hello everyone,
I got pregnant by accident October last year. The baby daddy and myself are still together and it was the right decision that we made together.
My divorce from a previous partner was in the stages of being finalised and I had recently moved to a new country where I met the baby daddy.
I needed to find myself again and be happy as I had a terrible marriage so I moved to start my life again. I didnt expect to get pregnant and put myself into another situation when I was finally relaxing into being myself again.
We both agreed it was not a good idea to bring a child into an unstable situation as we are from different cultures too. His family strongly believe you should be married before having children and with myself already being a 'foreigner' there was already enough pressure on us as a couple.
I had the abortion at 6weeks and 6 days, it was hard and I was very sad as I never thought I would be in this situation and being 28 it's a good age to have a baby. But as you can read from above there was already enough going on.
I had the termination in my new country so it was a big ordeal not knowing the language and it was a stressful time.

I would of been 7 months pregnant now and my body isn't fully back to normal especially around my period I get feelings of nausea and headaches. So every month feels like a reminder.
I check sometimes how much the baby would of grown and what it would be doing etc. As there is a part of me that is sad i'm not pregnant.
Maybe I'll feel differently after my 'due date'?
I even named her Onalee which I know is a little strange as it was just cells and hadnt even developed a brain yet!

I just wanted to hear from others that have had simular experiences and feelings, so i know I'm not being stupid and that its normal to never forget.

Thanking you in advance!

Hi there!

I'm really sorry to hear what you and your family have been through, I was in a similar situation a few years back. I was 26, with the baby daddy...which I still am today...had a good job with a fairly steady income and living in rented accommodation, like yourself we are not married and still aren't to this day, but that is not something that is really that important to us personally! Anyways I fell pregnant accidentally and was a bit unsure how I felt about raising a child in my current situation....I confided in my so called best friend at work....who encouraged me to have a termination (I'm not blaming this entirely on her, but I do partly blame myself for allowing me to be influenced by her)
So I went ahead and had the abortion (at around 10 weeks). It's now been 4 years and there's not a single day when I haven't thought about this, it really cut me deep. To make matters worse my "best friend" announced she was pg exactly a year later and her child was due exactly the same date mine eoud have been. I've had counceling, been on anti depressants the lot, it has definitely been a rough ride for me and my partner. All I'm saying is please don't let this situation get a hold of you and ruin your life like it almost did with me, I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have a baby! And listen to yourself and your body, don't be influenced by others beliefs or opinions! Do what makes you happy! On a brighter note....i am now 22 weeks pg, and expecting a little girl in september! Financially me and my partner are possibly in a slightly worse situation than before....but we are happy and we will make this work! Xxxx

@smendo can I ask what country you are living in? Xxx

Italy.

Thank you so much for your response!
And huge congratulations! That's wonderful!

Yeah it was the right decision and deep down I do know that. My family wasn't around and I couldn't really talk to anyone about it where I am, so I have kept these feelings to myself and thought this would be a safe environment to speak about them and hear from other women.
So no I will not let this take me to a dark place thank you for your concern.