Deciding

[Malia12]

Hi, i’m 20 years old and have recently found out i’m pregnant. As soon as i found out i panicked and opted for an abortion straight away and so did my partner who i’ve been with for a year and a bit. However once i got to the hospital my parter decided to tell me that actually he wouldn’t mind going through the pregnancy, i got called in to the room and just broke down to the doctor i ended up not going through with it and he advised i went home and thought about it properly as he could see i didn’t know what i wanted. The only thing that is holding me back is the fact i have to tell family members im scared in all honesty. I’m also going on a couples holiday in July im not sure how i would cope being pregnant on holiday. I just need some more advice or guidence on what other people think

You need to ask yourself how you feel about having a baby and giving up your life as it currently is...do you think you’re ready/prepared/financially able to do it? I know being young doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea at all but it’s just worth bearing it all in mind as you may still be living a life that would need to change more dramatically than someone older? Xx

What do you want to do deep down? Forget about your partner for a minute. What about you?

Write a pros and cons list. How will you both afford it? Will his life change or will you be making all the sacrifices with your career and what about childcare?

Do you want a baby now? Babies are lovely and snuggly, but they grow up in to cute but stroppy toddlers. You’ll be utterly exhausted and it will test the very bones of your relationship, but equally you’ll do anything for them.

July isn’t that far away so you may be feeling sick but probably won’t be showing. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, do what is right for you right now.

Deep down i think i would love nothing more than a baby i’ve had a miscarriage before and it was one of the worst things i’ve ever had to go through. My life at this age only really consists of getting up and going to work i only ever go out on speical occasions. I know its a hard decision and someone people will think i’ll not be able to do it but me and my partner have sat down and thought about everything and he seems to be pretty confident with it all compared to me. Think the 2 reasons im most scared of has to be telling my dad and labour

Hi, I’m also early 20’s (21) and pregnant and was very scared telling my family. However I told them once I had my 12 week scan, they were shocked but over the moon after seeing the scan photo! Now it’s all they talk about! Even my dad! Don’t worry about their reaction, they may react badly but in the end they will come to see how you could make it work and how great a mother you can be. Also they may act in your best interests and try push their desires out the way in order to keep you happy. Goodluck with deciding👍 Ps. I’m also terrified with labour and am now 24 weeks pregnant, have not thought about it once and don’t want too, baby will come out one way or another so when that day happens I ain’t gunna worry about it xx

Thanks for the comment! It is scary sitting thinking about it but you’re right no point worrying over it till the time comes. Im still making a desicion but in all honesty think im more towards going through with the pregnancy im just so sick of feeling down and having morning sickness all the time 😫. I’m curently only 6 weeks so will be about 20 weeks when i go on holiday are you showing much yet (bump’

Congrats, lots of young people are brilliant parents! If you think you can and have enough support, do it! I'm nearly 19 wks with my 3rd( and waaaaaay older than you😩) and look obviously pregnant at night but have only gained 2lbs so far! With my 1st I wore my regular size 10 clothes until 30 weeks. So by July I'm sure you'll still look svelt! Hope you feel better soon. 🍀

Hiya , I done the same both pregnancy's ( booked but never went through with it ) I have a beautiful one year old . To paint a better picture I'm 18 and by September will have two children .
My dad the first time not very impressed but they soon get over it and tbh once the baby is here they act like they was happy from the start .
Second baby - over the moon !

But it depends on your situation
My partner has a good stable job with a good income to support us all ( works in insurance )
We live in a 3bed house which is only rented as we needed somewhere bigger quicker and I want to move away from where we are so didn't want to rush our mortgage . I've just applied for my access course into nursing and midwifery as I missed college so that hopefully will be next April start :):):)

My point mainly is
18 , 20 or 30 if you want it you will work hard to do it right .
I hope you find closure with whatever decision you both make x x x

Tbh at 20 weeks I hardly had a bump! It was there but it didn’t show and you can only see it if people knew you were pregnant. Now at week 24, I’m just getting to the end of the stage where I look in between fat and pregnant :) xx

The morning sickness isn't nice, but trust me it goes away and then you feel fantastic. I am 19 weeks pregnant and we found out that we're having a little boy and I love him so much already. I think having this baby will be amazing for you. Regarding the bump, it differs from person to person and I think depends on your frame before getting pregnant. I love my bump though and love showing it off. I think you will stop worrying about it too because it's a sign that your baby is growing healthily. Good luck =]. x

I had ds1 at 19. Due ds2 in 2 days and I'm now 22.
I have a big family so it's the norm that someone is usually pregnant 😂
I'm due 2 days, SIL due in 2 weeks, sister due in 5 weeks and other sister is due in december haha

It seems that most people adore the baby when it arrives so don't worry about your dad's reaction.
And labour is only one day in your life so don't base your decision on that either.

There are probably counsellors you can go to to talk through your decision with an unbiased person

Please do what you and your partner want to do. Your families reaction shouldn’t come into it, it may be a shock but if they want to support you then they will.

I’m 35, been married for 8 years, currently 38 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 (planned) but was still nervous telling my Dad!

Take time and decide what you really want

Speak to your partner when your both feeling relaxed and find out what he really wants

Don't worry about how family will feel, it's your body and it's your life

Don't rush into anything, you may regret it afterwards, take your time x

@Malia12 , do what you want. The most simple thing you could do is to write down the pros and cons. I am 20 as well, still so young but yet there's people much younger who have children and they cope. It may not be the most ideal situation but if you do really want this then go for it!

I had a miscarriage back in January and it was by far the worst experience of my life. My reaction was very similar to yours, sheer panic and run to the abortion. However, after a good think me and my partner decided to go ahead and keep the baby as no way I could by choice go through that again...

It's very stressful at the moment as I have just been offered a place at uni start in September 2018 and the baby is due Nov/Dec (that will be going on hold now) and my partner has just started his training for the Royal Marines so of course, everything is up in the air at the moment. I am worried about every little thing but I have every hope it will work out...

That's my story, I know it's a bit of a long one but it's best to hear other people's stories so you can see that it's not all doom and gloom and that there are other people in very similar situations!

As for telling your family/friends, yes it might be a shock for them but I'm sure it will be fine once it's sunk in, like it did for you! Also, the holiday thing, I wouldn't worry about that! I've just booked a holiday today so it will be absolutely fine for you going away!

Hope that helps xxx