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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant at 42 and hubby 49

36 replies

Jslack61 · 04/05/2018 07:32

I found out a couple of weeks ago I was pregnant and have been unsure what decision is right. Husband thinks he is too old but says he’ll support me whatever decision I make. I went for an abortion yesterday at 9 weeks and couldn’t go through with it, although am still unsure what to do next. I already have 3 kids aged 19, 18 and 16.

OP posts:

Kilo3 · 10/05/2018 09:10

It's completely your decision as to what to do but please don't think that either you or your DH are 'too old'. FWIW my dad was 61 when I was born and he was the greatest dad ever. He was semi retired so pretty much brought my Dsis and I up (she is 2 years younger than me!) I'm now 34 weeks pregnant and my DP is 56! He cant wait to be a dad and he will be amazing. Every new baby comes with challenges, but you know what these will be - there's no formula for the ideal family, you just go with the flow.

BlueBug45 · 10/05/2018 09:16

Not sure if I replied to a similar thread but my mum was 42 when she had me and my dad 53.

My dad ended up having more time to look after me and my much younger half-sister then my even younger half-brothers due to his change in working patterns, than my older siblings. I've seen similar with other men who have had children earlier and later in life.

On the other hand I was actually grateful to have much older half-siblings when I was a teenager as they could point out when my parents were being unreasonable plus gave me useful careers and life guidance. I also became an aunt at 11 for the first time and have managed to have a strong relationships with some of my nephews.

I'm now 43 and pregnant though my OH is the same age.

Original poster

Jslack61 · 11/05/2018 09:05

Thankyou for your measage. Feeling like it’s getting harder to think about a termination but feeling really conscious of my age and wondering how I’ll feel being seen buying nappies, standing at the school gates, etc. Concerned about how my kids will take the news if I go ahead with the pregnancy too.Whether I have the baby or not, both options feel as scary.

OP posts:

TinyTerror1 · 11/05/2018 09:11

42 really isn't old to be having a baby! There are a lot of us on the 40+ pregnancy board for a start.

No one will look at you oddly for buying nappies etc.
Have you spoken to your children about it at all?

BlueBug45 · 11/05/2018 09:27

@Jslack61 how your kids take it depends on them each individually and as you have more than one so they aren't likely to have a problem having another sibling. I've noticed with friends' who have teenagers they are frequently very excited and happy to have a younger sibling. Though they probably prefer it if you have two (another one afterwards) so they aren't roped into playing with them all the time when they are older.

In regards to buying nappies and baby stuff no-one bats an eyelid as long as you look over 18.

OrchidInTheSun · 11/05/2018 09:32

I had a child at 42. No one looks at me oddly at the school gates. Or if they do, I don't notice. I now have a lovely range of friends from 30 to 50 odd now which is brilliant :)

One of my DSs has a friend whose mum and older sister both have a baby of the same age and I know quite a few kids with much older siblings. You will find that you're not alone in having a baby who is 20 years' younger than your other kids :)

Aprilmightbemynewname · 11/05/2018 09:39

I have a ds3 and a dgs who is 2! Wouldn't occur to me people would think I am old at 46 at the school gate!!
My ds is delightful and as it's a small school they all know his name and his is so so popular already! A real bloomin bonus baby!!
And he has his siblings wrapped round his tiny fingers!!
And if you don't want to be seen buying nappies get them delivered!!

confuddledconfuddle · 11/05/2018 11:16

You shouldn't make a decision based on how you perceive other people will act. People won't look twice honestly! And if they do what business is it of theirs. Young mums feel the same and would you advise them to terminate on how they feel at the school gate.
The decision needs to be about you and your family and your life.

For you older kids it will depend on them how they react. I have friends who have their first kids in year 12 and they have been like omg no way Mum I'm moving out with a new baby (that didn't happen, was teenage reaction). My neighbours who had 15 years betweeen their bottom 2, the older 4 just loved the new baby (who is now 19 and the first from the family to attend university)

Original poster

Jslack61 · 01/06/2018 11:20

So I had my 12 week scan a week ago including test for downs, etc, and today I’ve received my date for the anatomy scan but also an appointment for a week before the scan to see the consultant. Anyone else as an older parent had this extra appointment as I’m feeling worried!

OP posts:

TinyTerror1 · 01/06/2018 12:03

Come and join us on the 40+ pregnancy thread :) I didn't get that extra appointment but my referral to the consultant was overlooked and only sorted at the anomaly scan.if you're worried in relation to the combined test results, it won't be that as they'd be seeing you now if there was a concern xx

BlueBug45 · 01/06/2018 13:36

@Jslack61 as soon as you are 40 in my area (this actually includes quite a few trusts but each couple share consultants with each other) you are consultant led even if you had a baby before.

So far I've had two appointments where I've seen a doctor then seen a midwife (or vice versa), as they tend to try and get you to see multiple people/do multiple things on one day. The first time I saw a doctor I was just booked into see the midwife. The second time I was booked into see the consultant but saw a midwife first.

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