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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Husband made me feel awful - am I being pathetic?

8 replies

SaltK · 02/05/2018 10:43

I feel like an idiot posting this, because I know that I'm fine, and it's probably just hormones making me unreasonable.

I'm 36+5 weeks. My gums were bleeding last night, which I told DH is common in pregnancy, but he said I should eat less "sugary rubbish". It's not that first time he's mentioned about how "badly" I've been eating, although most of it is 'jokey'. Everyone else has said how little weight I've put on and how well I look, and when I do eat rubbish (which I do, I've loved my biscuits and chocolate, but I eat healthy meals and lots of fruit as well), people tend to be very understanding of how pregnancy is and encourage me to eat what I fancy. I've not put on more than the recommended amount, and I wasn't overweight before I was pregnant.

He has never really said anything except that my bump or boobs are getting massive, or joking on about how much I love my food. He's not the type of man to find a pregnant body attractive, and I understand that. So he's never really said I look lovely or anything, but I guess I probably don't. But it's been a physically and emotionally hard pregnancy (5 previous losses), and he's found it hard too. He says his diet hasn't been good the last few weeks and he's drinking (small amounts) more often to relax - and I feel like I'm being supportive, reassuring him that it's hard, that it's understandable, it's not like he's drunk every night or eating a full cake a day. In the same way, sometimes I want the comfort food, but I'm feeling really judged for it.

It sounds absolutely pathetic writing this down. I don't know why it's upset me so much, it just makes me feel like he thinks I'm a fat, greedy pig and not looking after our baby properly. I don't want to start a load of husband bashing, because he's generally a lovely, supportive, wonderful man. I suppose I just want some fellow preggos to tell me I'm not a fat pig and I'm just being emotional!!

OP posts:
chipsandcurrysaucemonster · 02/05/2018 10:48

Hey!! I feel the same! Couldn't ask for more help or support from my DH but if he raises an eyebrow in a jokey fashion again when I reach for my daily small treat then he's getting a bash! I don't think they can comprehend the change in emotions / comfort eating / huge appetite increase and is also thinking logically for the health of the baby and my dent in self esteem should I really pile on the weight.... absolutely not here to bash him and I'm sure it's our hormones that make us so sensitive to any single comment on size or appetite currently!! Congratulations on your pregnancy after your previous losses and maybe sneak your sweets in when he's at work Grin

mybumpisonlypudding · 02/05/2018 10:50

I really don't think you're being unreasonable, I'd be really upset if DH commented on my diet and I'm not pregnant!

SaltK · 02/05/2018 10:51

Thanks chips, glad you understand! I know I'm being daft really - I go from feeling all upset to feeling completely pissed off at him, then thinking "this whole thing is ridiculous", then back again! So pretty sure you're right about the hormones... 😂

OP posts:
SaltK · 02/05/2018 10:53

Thanks mybump - I do think it's a bit cheeky of him to comment, especially since his own diet is so poor and I'm just being supportive of him. But trying to keep it in perspective - and knowing my DH he probably hasn't actually given much of this a second thought!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 02/05/2018 10:53

Your H sounds mean and critical. You are building a human in your body for fuck’s sake. And we wants sympathy for his stress drinking? Ugh.

He should be telling you how proud he is of you, and supporting you, the childish idiot.

You’re not being pathetic, he is.

Eat what you need, rest all you need, stop focusing on supporting him - and (most importantly) start building up a support network other than him. Friends, family, ante natal groups. Focus on yourself, you have every right too.

I bet you’re glowing Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/05/2018 10:54

*to

chipsandcurrysaucemonster · 02/05/2018 10:55

I have said to him though, 'hey don't give me a complex or make me feel crap - I really am eating well and am well within healthy weight gain and ensure every day I've got a balanced diet with plenty of everything I need and anything extra really is a small treat' and he did apologise! But yikes this appetite has taken us both by surprise, I've gone from being a picky eater who skipped breakfast and sksmtimes even lunch to opening my eyes and describing all the dreams I've had about food during the night :)

Cosmoa · 02/05/2018 10:56

Luckily my partner has encouraged my chocolate eating and has been making me cake 😂 normally I don't eat much sweet stuff so I think he's just excited that I'm happy to eat his baking for a change...

However he's certainly never said I look beautiful like I hoped he would... I think my big belly grosses him out but not it a bad way! He's just really squeamish about the human body! He used to have a big sex drive unlike me.. And now we've swapped and he's not wanted to do anything since I got pregnant! Argh!!

Oh well.. I'm 37 weeks now and you almost are too! So not long now. We've got this Smile

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