I have just found out I am newly pregnant and my mind is a complete mess. This was not a planned pregnancy (failed contraceptive) and myself and my partner have previously said now is not the time for more children.
Back ground - We have been together 18 months, but friends for years. Sometimes rocky but we love each other dearly and are very much planning to spend our lives together. Both late 20s. I already have 5 year old, F is involved with his son but not me, very toxic and has caused a lot of issues (threatened DP and has made threats about me ever getting pregnant). We both work full time, reasonably good jobs. I do live alone but we have recently started seriously saving for a deposit on our own home. To complicate matters, I only started my new job January and it was a rare opportunity, DP has a good job but it involves doing part time study which has took a toll. Financially he's in a much better position than me, I'm currently paying off a smallish debt and I do struggle month to month to save anything. I have suffered with MH problems which come and go, and did suffer with PND with DS, I have little family support. Along with the logical reasons to have a termination we also have things like holidays and a new car etc.. planned (these are the selfish reasons).
My partner has been fantastic and I couldn't ask for better support, but he is adamant this is not the right time for us and he wants us to at least have our own stable home before having children. I completely agree from a sensible view, but my emotions are all over the place and I don't know if I can go through with an abortion or deal with the grief/guilt after. My son is desperate for a sibling and loves DP, I feel the age gap would be good as I don't really want to come away from the tougher 'toddler' years just to go back into it in 5 years time.
We have an appointment at the local clinic soon to talk through our options but I need some sense talking to me as I'm not the most rational at the moment.