I’m not excited

[Firsttimemum92]

I’m 18weeks pregnant with my first baby and I’m really not excited about it, to be honest I’m quite underwhelmed by it all. Some nights (especially when I’m by myself and OH is working) I find myself crying about it and wishing I wasn’t having a baby and trying my hardest to be more excited but I really can’t. Everyone else is way more excited than I am about it all. I just wondered if anyone else has felt like this and I just need someone to talk to about it and how I feel as I don’t want to talk to my OH about it as he’s so excited

Was it planned or a surprise/accident?

Completely normal reaction OP
First pregnancy here too and I was totally ambivalent about it all up until about 25 weeks when I started to show properly and I felt first flutters. It’s hard to drum up feelings of excitement when there nothing going on and nothing to make it real apart from a blurry scan photo and maybe a load of crappy early pregnancy symptoms. Some people find their whole pregnancy quite a drag and that’s normal too.

Even if you are in a good relationship and the baby is wanted, it’s a perfectly reasonable reaction to think ‘What the hell have I done??!!’ You know that a massive change is coming in your life, some of it will be good and some of it will be awful and it’s all a mystery and often overwhelming and you want it to stop but it’s not possible to change your mind.

I don’t think men react in the same way as it isn’t happening to their body so us even less real. I am fortunate in that I did feel able to talk with my DP but he didn’t really understand either. Just kept saying we’re going to be fine and it’s really exciting.

I think that here is such a well worn ‘script’ about pregnancy that you are meant to follow as a woman and if you don’t there must be something wrong with you.

We are supposed to be overjoyed and glowing with excitement and 100% positive about becoming a mother from the moment we find out. We don’t get to hear about the much more common experience of finding it all a bit baffling and boring and being annoyed at some of the lifestyle changes (no wine ) and the petrifying finality of it all.

I am due next week and am genuinely excited now that I’m going to meet him or her soon but it has taken a long time to reach this point of acceptance and eagerness. My advice is to accept whatever you are feeling and not beat yourself up but just surrender to the ride.

I’m told it’s (mostly) all worth it in the end!

Hi op, I think it's a really confusing time tbh. Your hormones are all over the place and your body is going through some massive changes. Throughout my pregnancy people have kept asking if I'm excited and the honest answer is "not all the time". How can you be? 9 months is a long time. My OH and I didn't tell many people until after 20weeks, we just wanted to keep it private for a while, neither of us wanted a big fuss. We're getting more excited now at nearly 30weeks. But we still haven't bought that much or decorated yet! I'm looking forward to seeing our baby for the first time now, but I will be glad not to be pregnant anymore. I've not been poorly or anything and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I'm looking forward to feeling more like myself again. I have moments of excitement wondering if it'll be a a boy or a girl and who will they look like. But it can also be very overwhelming, thinking about the responsibility. I know deep down we'll all survive and find our own way of coping. There is no rule book for how you should feel or behave. I'm sure that the excitement will come but maybe it will take a few weeks or even happen once the baby arrives. You will be absolutely fine, just deal with things how you want to and try not to worry about everyone else xxx

God, no, it's terrifying really isn't it?

You say OH. Does that mean that you aren't married? So, what's the plan? Are you going to carry on working? Do you own your own home? Is it in both your names?

You need to ensure that you are financially secure if your relationship breaks down.

And you should be honest with your partner about how you are feeling. The birth of your first child is probably (hopefully) the most life-changing thing you will ever experience. If you can't be open about your feelings about this with the partner who is going through the experience with you, that doesn't bode well for the solidity of the partnership.

OP I feel the same as you at the moment, it's my second but this time with a new partner and most of the time I find myself upset wishing I'd not agreed to it.
I get super frustrated watching my oh having a drink and friends going out and I just want my old life back.
I'm sure it will change when baby arrives and my oh and dd are excited about it, but I don't really tell him how I feel unless I get really upset as I don't want to ruin the experience of becoming a dad for him x

I felt like this with my third. I still felt a bit like this when he was an incredibly whingy baby. Now he’s bigger and he’s the bees knees . It was tough at the time though and I wish I had opened up more to people about how I was feeling and let them help.
It’s totally normal for some people to feel anxious about becoming a parent and resentful of giving up their old life. If you feel like these feelings are taking over perhaps have a chat with your MW?

Pregnancy is such an emotional time. You're giving up so much of yourself to grow this person and it goes on FOREVER!!

I've definitely felt like this before. This pregnancy I keep thinking "what the hell am I doing", but I look at my other children and immediately know the answer. It's so much harder with your first and you have to take a big leap of faith that it will all be ok.

Of course pre natal depression exists too. So if what we're saying doesn't quite fit with what you're feeling then having a chat to your midwife could help.

I felt exactly the same, we actively decided to try for a baby and when it happened I just thought what have I done. I didn't really enjoy my pregnancy until after 30 weeks because I was constantly worrying about everything - being a bad mum etc but by the end I was desperate to meet him/her. So I think it just took me longer to adjust. Like you I couldn't speak to DH about it because he was so fantastically excited.

I think it's fine to even not enjoy the newborn phase that much - it's very repetitive and I felt like a dairy cow mosh of the time (including having mastitis twice in six weeks). Once I decided I wasn't going to try and do everything by the book and relaxed a bit it was a lot more fun.

Fast forward a year, I'm back at work, DS is in nursery and everything is great. Honestly not everyone can be all cakes and rainbows about pregnancy (or a crafty SAHM, though I have the utmost respect for those that are!). In short what I'm trying to say is you'll find a way for it to work for your life, even if it takes a bit longer!