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Original poster

maternity leave/pay

14 replies

Summer61 · 30/04/2018 13:36

Hi... please could you let me know (honestly!!) if I'm being unreasonable..
My partner and I both have savings, I have slightly more than him although he earns more than me.
We both split the bills and mortgage 50/50 in a joint account. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and the baby was a surprise. My company does an ok maternity package but we have each had to use savings to 'top up' what I would need to still put the same amount in the joint account every month and leave me with just enough per week for my own bills, petrol, baby groups etc.
I was ok with this until I really thought about it and whilst I would have some money every week, DP would still have a lot more every month leftover from his wages.
I am grateful that we are in a position for me to be able to take 10 months off but I feel like this baby is my responsibility only. I have said to him about putting all our finances into one account as we are a family now but he says no. Am I being ridiculous to be annoyed?? Confused

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BlueBug45 · 30/04/2018 13:48

This should really be on AIBU part of the forum.

Anyway you need to stop splitting the bills 50/50. He needs to pay a bigger share as you are earning less.

When you go back to work due to paying nursery/childcare fees likely coming out of your account, again he needs to pay more for the bills.

Sit down with him and a piece of paper listing your outgoings then your incomes and explain it to him. If he refuses to understand then recruit someone (or a few people) in your families he listens to. If he still refuses to understand them seek counselling as otherwise you are going to end up splitting up.

Btw there are good reasons for not having just a joint account. For example he then can't question you on how much you spend on a hair cut or when you buy a present for him. If there is a banking failure you have accounts you can use to feed yourselves if they are with different banks. Finally if you split up with him because he keeps being an a**hole over his responsibilities you stop him emptying out the account and taking your money.

tinykirst · 30/04/2018 13:55

You should put less in to the joint account while you're on maternity.
I'm currently on maternity and I put less in than what I would do usually. All bills and mortgage etc is still covered so there's not a problem.
You still need to have that independence of having your own money.
Plus you'll probably end up spending the rest of it all on the baby anyway!
If you have any leftover each month you could always put that bit extra in to the joint at the end of the month.

GreenStars · 30/04/2018 14:03

Why would you have a baby with someone when you're not both willing to treat all money as one family pot?

Flyingchimps · 30/04/2018 14:16

We are quite lucky in that we have a small mortgage. Whilst I have been pregnant we have each put in the full amount to cover our mortgage each month (meaning we have double the amount of our mortgage going in each month). Whilst on decent maternity pay I will drop down to adding half of the mortgage payment and then when I go on to SMP our savings will cover the mortgage along with my DH still contributing his share to the mortgage. We have used our joint savings from before we were pregnant to replace my car with a family car.

He agreed it was unfair that I was the only one to feel the financial impact of our baby so I have been very lucky 😊. Hopefully I will be able to go back to work part time so if that happens, we will again sit down and look at finances and see what is fair. After all I will be going part time to save us paying out so much in nursery fees!

Poptart4 · 30/04/2018 14:20

My partner and I are together 15yrs with 4th baby on the way and we still don't put all our money into one pot and that's how I like it.

I like having my independence and not having to explain to someone else why I've spent X amount on whatever it is. I know a lot of couples who are always fighting about money, my partner and I don't have those problems because I don't care how he spends his money and vise versa. Now if we were sharing everything it would really bother me how much he spends on his hobby and we would be arguing alot about it.

As others have said while your on maternity leave you need to split the bills differently so it's fair. This is his child too, why should you take all of the hit?

lifechangesforever · 30/04/2018 14:23

I don't agree with 'family pot money' so we not all put money is pooled. HOWEVER, I'm about to go on maternity leave too and it simply means that my % contribution to the joint pot of money for bills will reduce dramatically and his will increase - so we then both have the same amount of spending money left over.

Smurfybubbles · 30/04/2018 15:49

I'm about to start mat leave and will only get SMP for the whole 8.5 months I am taking off! DH has to bear the brunt of the entire rent while I am off and I will use SMP to cover food shop and whatever baby needs.

We keep our money separate and transfer money each month into our joint account for rent and bills. I've been saving since I found out I was pregnant so have extra money there to cover anything that comes up, you've got 10 more weeks to try squirrel away as much as you can. Could you suggest that you reduce your contribution now to allow you to build up some savings for yourself?

bibolda · 30/04/2018 15:58

Maternity pay is lower than your full pay.
So you should contribute less in the household bills and he should understand this.

Lisabecket121 · 30/04/2018 17:22

I have a bit of a way off yet until mat leave (currently 21 weeks), so things might change slightly but hub and I have agreed he'll pay full rent/bills and I'll pay car insurance, car tax, all baby goods and food. Its going to be tight but theres no way on mat pay I could contribute much more and we don't want to rely on savings (if we can help it)...

Namechange128 · 30/04/2018 18:11

Most people I know work either share everything, or work out fair shares based on what is have coming in - so you should be paying less now, and a LOT less when you are on mat leave caring for the baby (who was also a joint project!)

How is it fair that he is earning more than you, paying the same as you and yet somehow also saving less than you... And then you are getting penalised for being careful by having to run down your savings?? I have seen way too many women on here who have been screwed over after years of scrimping on a lower income, often because like @Lisabecket121 the man is paying the mortgage/rent/bills so his name is on everything and she has nothing to show for all her spend on the kids and the shopping.

Am sure your DHs are lovely people, but do look after yourselves here!

ferntwist · 30/04/2018 18:50

This seems really unfair OP. I would echo what other posters are saying. You really should be sharing everything but if he won’t agree then he needs to contribute significantly, without you dipping into savings just to get by.

PasstheStarmix · 30/04/2018 18:54

You are taking care of the baby and allowing your dh to work and earn. Does he realise how much child care would cost? Maybe deduct that off his wage Angry

Charlottejade89 · 01/05/2018 16:35

Me and my partner have both our wages go into the same bank account so I'm lucky in that way because I will only be getting smp. My partners wages will just about cover all the rent and bills etc. And the money I get will cover food, fuel and baby costs with not much left over. So it will be a struggle but I'm sure we will be fine if we work together 😊

MumsforebayXguardianvideo · 18/06/2018 13:48

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