dads rights

[downinthedeep28]

hello again

i posted not long ago to say that i had split with my boyfriend. after asking on here i have made the choice to use my last name.

but im confused on his rights after her birth?

we split because he wouldn't grow up - sorry no details but wasn't just one.

im hoping to keep it as friendly as possible for baby's sake.

baby due in july

im worried because of past behavior. he will either be great and we can work out visiting ect or he will throw a massive tantrum and make it as hard as possible.

he knows i do not want him at the birth, but i think he may turn up anyway

he will be demanding visits very day -understandable he will want to see her/bond but i dont want him her all day every day

but i dont trust him to be alone with her and im hoping to breast feed.

does anyone know what rights he has to visits/being at delivery ect?

sorry if a bit confusing im worried about things at the moment (money work ect)

Until he is in the birth certificate he has no rights at all.
Imo if he is a twat he should stay off it until can prove he is otherwise.

He won’t be allowed in the delivery room, he won’t be allowed any contact if you don’t put his name of birth certificate.
He’ll have to go to court to be granted parental rights

Firstly he can’t be at the birth if you don’t want him to. Secondly, keep him off the birth certificate... why exactly? You say he won’t grow up, but he’s still the dad. You can’t just not get along with somebody so keep him off the birth certificate.

He obviously isn’t allowed to take the baby over night if the baby isn’t weaned... but you can’t just prevent a dad from seeing his child because you simply don’t want him to.

You’ve made it sound like he just wants to play a part in the babies life and you don’t like that. Well tough. Put your big girl pants on, because you both made this baby.

I think whilst you are breastfeeding he has little rights in terms of any overnight access or any access without you present. Maybe you could go to citizens advice or book a free consultation with a solicitor to find out for certain where you stand?
Obviously I don't know the circumstances surrounding the split but if there is any chance that he will step up and be a good father then it might be worth considering that it could be helpful to you to have him round sometimes, on your terms, to give you a rest.

sorry im not sure were i said he wouldnt be on the certificate? she will have my last name but iv never planned on him not being on there

its not a case of not wanting/liking him being around her or wanting to be a dad

its also not about me stopping him seeing her because i dont want him to

its great that he does want to be around

a lot of the reasons i dont trust him/dont want him here every day is because of past behavior which caused me to kick him out. some of the behavior was dangerous

again i have no plans at all of stopping or trying to stop contact - but he is the sort of person who would turn up very early in the morning and refuse to leave until late and night then do the same the next day.

People were advising you that you don't have to put him on the birth cert, if you don't want to. If you do this it automatically gives him more rights to contact.

However he doesn't have the right to be atthe birth without your permission, or to stay in your house all day without permission.

You initially said you'd be worried about him being alone with your daughter, and that past behaviour has been dangerous, but also that you don't want to stop contact. Do you mean that you want to supervise all contact? It's hard to advise you without much detail of his past behaviour, but if you would be proposing supervised contact only and he is on birth cert, you'd probably need to go to court and establish enough of a risk to say he can't have unsupervised contact. This depends if he were to fight any decision you made in court.

sorry iv just reread the first few posts and seen were it says not to.

im abit stressed at the moment so heads all over the place.

past behavior has never been intently dangerous but childish to the point were it could be does that make sense?

for example standing on top of some steps throwing stones down at me, quiet area but a few kids playing nearby. when i asked him to stop he sulked and said he wasn't throwing them at me but towards me and it was fun for him. then went and sat in the car as he couldn't stop him self.

that's one example but there has been many more over the yrs to be honest it was like dealing with a child at times and i just couldn't face it anymore when i released his behavior wouldn't change because i was pregnant.

i would worry about him being alone with her until i was sure he had grown up a bit.

i wouldn't mind him visiting here but if he decided to throw a tantrum it would be difficult to get him to leave.

again sorry if its vague or doesn't make sense its hard to explain his behavior some times.

If he throws a tantrum you simply ring the police. . They will remove him and let him seek legal advice for contact. You and your dc are entitled to a safe place to live. Keeping you both safe is more important than him seeing your baby.

He sounds like a child. Don’t put him on the birth certificate as it gives him a lot of rights down the line. You can still give him as much access as you’d like but on your terms.