Missed miscarriage .. struggling

[SAS2806]

Hi all .. I had multiple private scans which resulted in me being referred to pregnancy assessment unit as abnormal images . At clinic they diagnosed missed miscarriage and I was booked in two weeks later for a repeat nhs scan . The scan showed no growth , foetus showed 6 weeks but I was in fact 12 weeks pregnant.

No pain , no bleeding absolutely no idea anything was wrong .
I was booked for medical management , after third dose of meds everything went very wrong for me , I haemorrhaged and lost 2 litres of blood , collapsed and was rushed to theatre for emergency d and c .
I was extremely unwell and also very upset as i was exactly 12 weeks the day I had the termination.

I'm really struggling to cope with everything , losing the baby and also trouble dealing with the traumatic experience I had .

Any advice welcome

I have no advice but that is heartbreaking and I am so sorry. Take some time to just grieve in anyway that seems natural. I am sending best wishes. I’m sure someone will be along with better advice soon 💖💐

Hi
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.
I went through a similar situation last year.

The main advice I can give is to take your time. Don't feel pressured to feel ok, I tried and it didn't work and then didn't help as I put on a front of being ok and people forgot there was anything going on with me. This left me feeling very isolated and alone.
I spent a lot of time crying at first, then going extreme on hobbies to fill my time, then realised that actually instead of hiding I needed to talk about it. I found it hard as none of my friends had had a miscarriage and so I don't think they wanted to talk about it.

If I had to go back, or it happens again, i would seek someone to talk to either a friend and let them know how I really was early on or a counsellor.

How are you trying to cope at the moment ? Do you have supportive friends / partner? X

The exact same thing happened to me last year. MMC at 11 weeks, I had brown spotting so went for a scan and found the heartbeat had stopped at 7 weeks. No pain or real bleeding, I was in so much shock. I also chose medical management and hemorrhaged, went into shock and collapsed and needed an emergency d&c. Literally mirrors your experience. It’s coming up to a year ago. Sadly for me I had another MMC in November, I only found out at the 12 week scan after no spotting at all. Opted for d&c.

I also struggled to cope, I think there was a touch of PTSD alongside the grief. My main advice is not to attempt to hide your emotions in any way. I did this after my second MC and it really did catch up with me. Let them all flow freely, don’t cover it up. Lean on those around you as much as possible and also, if possible, get counselling. It really is invaluable. If you need further help, contact your GP. I was a real mess after mine and needed sleeping pills for a fair while.

The consultant told me to be kind to myself last time and that’s stuck with me. The worst thing you could do is beat yourself up. I know it’s really easy to blame yourself and attempt to look for answers but honestly, it’s not worthwhile and you will only wind up hurting yourself. It wasn’t your fault, as hard as that may be to accept at first, you did nothing wrong and it couldn’t have been prevented.

Sorry for your loss .

Thank you for all your replies ... mousefunky how strange that you had the exact same experience . Define my feel a bit of ptsd after the whole experience .. I am a critical care specialist nurse and have seen some nasty things but this just seemed so much worse than anything I could have been prepared for .
I keep having flashbacks and reliving certain bits of those 2 days ..

I am so sorry that this happened to you again in November :( absolutely heartbreaking .

My partner is really helpful and sympathetic but he feels like he is over it and is back to all his normal jobs and doing tasks which frustrates me as life just seems to carry on for everyone around me .
Friends are being lovely but none of the have experienced this and none of them understand how hard it is ..

Will def take advise regarding a counsellor and will speak to go Monday and see if I can get in touch with one

X

Seen some friends go through similar and have no advice to add, but just wanted to offer sympathies. Can't seem to find the flowers, so here's some 🍫