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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Tricky decision gender scan!

19 replies

Molly33 · 26/04/2018 17:20

So our 20 week scan is due in 2 weeks my partner is dead set doesnt want to know he wants the surprise.. But me i want to know one minute the next i change my mind purly because i think we are in it together and it might feel strange me knowing and him not. Did anyone wish they left it as a surprise? This will probably be our only child too so i really dont want to be like oh i should of i wish i did now... Part of me wants to know not to buy blues or pinks but so i can know whos in there refer to them by the names weve chosen and not say baby it he she. I want to start bonding even if i did have to talk to him or her alone but sametime i feel wrong as my husband wont be part of it...so opinions please

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bengalcat · 26/04/2018 17:26

Your scanner can keep it a surprise from him if he's there but tell you after - then your only ' issue' will be to try not to disclose it

Original poster

Molly33 · 26/04/2018 17:29

Yeah exactly!! Did you find out??

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 26/04/2018 17:29

I found out with my first (well, we never got a good view but suggested it was a girl as "boys don't usually hide this well"). With my second we were told girl but nonetheless I have a son.

So... They might not be able to tell you, and if they do tell you they might be wrong. shrug

Reader1984 · 26/04/2018 17:40

I didn't want to know, but my husband did so I agreed. I'm really pleased we found out now. No regrets in knowing. :)

NewSense · 26/04/2018 17:45

I wanted to know, my husband didn't. We decided not to find out, and I ended up loving not knowing! Was so nice to have a surprise on the day.

This time round, he said he wouldn't mind finding out, but now I'm the one wanting the surprise :) so we're not finding out again. I'm glad he persuaded me not to find out the first time round.

Original poster

Molly33 · 26/04/2018 18:08

Oh really newsense? so you were in the same boat! Maybe its best i wait im just impatient too i think. I can imagine its such a lovely surprise but either way it must be. I reckon i will drive myself nuts haha. Aslong as he she is healthy then all fine just love to be able to know whos growing away in there x

OP posts:

Wheels1986 · 26/04/2018 18:42

You're going to find out eventually anyway when the baby is born so I'd wait. I've had 2 surprises and it's the best. My husband telling me what we'd had (through lots of tears!) is something I'll always remember, even through the pethedine-induced haze! I've never really understood the need to know the gender personally, clothes etc can be purchased after the birth, and there are loads of gorgeous gender-neutral prams/nursery bits nowadays. Plus, a surprise makes you push harder! ;)

Bluebirdsky · 26/04/2018 20:11

I am 30 weeks and we haven't found out, no regrets so far!

zzzzz · 26/04/2018 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooana · 26/04/2018 22:49

I found out first time. I wanted to identify with my child as I'm no good with the unknown! I don't suppose there will be any regret either way, but I personally can't cope with the not knowing if I don't have too. I always felt that having a baby was surprise enough in itself!

Best wishes for the scan xx

happymummy12345 · 27/04/2018 00:11

I've always said I'd never ever find out. It would ruin it for me completely. It's one of the best surprises in life, and I think it's so much nicer to find out when your baby is right there in the room, instead of al you have is a photo to take home.
Dh wanted to know when I was pregnant. Our first scan was later than normal so we could have found out then if we'd wanted to. I said no straight away. Dh wasn't happy. Second scan was the same, he wasn't happy again. I assured him that once the baby was born he'd be glad we didn't know. Sure enough he sat in the birth centre and said that I was right and he was so glad I refused to find out, and that next time he agrees we won't be finding out until the birth. (He admitted it was mostly because we knew 2 other couples who were expecting and they both knew, so for him it was like they know what they're having so why can't we know too?)

Flyingchimps · 27/04/2018 00:23

We haven’t found out, 30 weeks and not regretting it! We started our Nct antenatal classes last week and we are the only couple who haven’t found out what we are having! (All the others are having boys!) DH wishes we knew, but he also left the decision to me as ‘you’re the one that’s got to push it out’. His reasoning to find out was so we could be more organised 🙄 we have lots of lovely gender neutral stuff that will be brilliant for number 2!!

Loosemoose28 · 27/04/2018 00:36

We havent found out - really hoping to this week if I can get into labour (41+ weeks).

The way we both saw it is you either get the suprise at 20 weeks or the suprise when you have given birth. I have been asked a lot “what is it?”. My reply has been a baby every single time.

It will be a suprise for you and OH either in a fornight or in next 20 or so weeks after that x

RedDwarves · 27/04/2018 00:38

I didn’t find out. DD was born on the 22nd. It was a great surprise. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

FireplaceLover · 27/04/2018 00:47

I think if you have a preference either way then it’s best to find out the sex at 20wks to give you the second half of the pregnancy to either rejoice or come to terms with any disappointment. We didn’t find out with our first 2 but did with our 3rd as we already had one of each and as we were tight on space I wanted to know which bundle of clothes to get rid of. I didn’t like knowing at all.

Poptart4 · 27/04/2018 09:25

'a surprise makes you push harder'.... I've seen this several times on these boards and it's a f*ing stupid thing to say. Don't know why but it really wine's me up.

I've had one surprise and known for 2. No difference in the way I pushed (eye roll)

Pregnant with no. 4 now and going for a surprise this time because its our last. Tbh there's pros and cons to both. When you know you can plan ahead, buy all clothes etc. Fully decide on the name. But it does take some of the excitement away.

When it's a surprise going into labour is like Christmas morning and your finally getting to open your present. It does make the excitement last a bit longer. Of course your still excited when you know but it's more exciting not knowing, in my opinion.

ememem84 · 27/04/2018 09:28

The sonographer told us. We weren’t bothered either way. As it was it was very very obvious that it was a boy!

reallyanotherone · 27/04/2018 09:32

When you know you can plan ahead, buy all clothes etc

I didn’t find out and still managed to plan ahead and buy all the clothes we needed . You don’t have to colour code your child depending on sex...

I didn’t find out because i genuinely had no preference. I didn’t want to find out and know what i wasn’t having, iyswim. Once the baby is here they are a person, and the gender doesn’t even matter.

elQuintoConyo · 27/04/2018 09:37

I had a shit birth and didn't see my son for 8 hours, no skin to skin, not even waved in front of my eyes, just whisked and gone. There would have been no chance of 'here's your baby boy yay!' rejoicing or anything.

We found out the sex because we wanted to find out the sex, simple as. In fact, i found pregnancy to be weirdly abstract and although he was in there wiggling and kicking, i was in denial that i was actually carrying a baby. When they told us at the anomoly scan i burst out crying because it became real - crying in a good way, i might add! Sonographer was worried i had gender disappointment, but no, i had a baby in there

My dsis has two dc, didn't find out the sex until birth, happy with her choice.

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