I don’t feel I have anyone else that understands what I’m going through atm. My DH is great, as are my mum and friends but they aren’t “in the moment” if that makes sense. I sugarcoat everything when I try and be honest about how I’m feeling anyway...
Whenever I’m on my own I find myself really panicking about the birth. It’s worse at night. It’s my second baby and whilst it wasn’t a pleasant delivery (induction, forceps, year and three days in labour) it didn’t put me off. It’s not the actual birth bit.
I worry that I will die in birth. This never worries me before. I am so scared of leaving my daughter. I know the risks are low but I am just terrified. Last time I don’t think the thought even popped into my head.
I worry about what will happen to my daughter if I go into labour/ have to go into hospital unexpectedly and my husband is away. My mum is a 30min drive away but easily 1-1.5hour in rush hour. She’s very clingy and I fully admit I am overly protective and haven’t left her with anyone but close family.
I had to stay in hospital for 3 days after her birth because I had an infection that couldn’t be pin pointed. I know that’s a very short period of time in the scheme of hospital stays and i was actually very lucky but the thought of staying away from DD for that period of time works me up.
Just writing this feels therapeutic.