Practicalities - cars Vs Babies what would you do?

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not sure if this is the right place to post or not..

So I'm having a disagreement with my parter over cars - he is buying a new one (5 door dad car - this was already planned for this year). Since we found out I'm pregnant he now wants me to take his old car - beaten up will be 3rd hand with maybe about a years worth of life left (but has 5 doors) when I am on maternity leave and when I go back to work. he thinks we will then buy another 5 door car some point next year when the Ford dies.

I currently have a 3 door VW on hire purchase which I have had from new, I have the option of buying this out of its 4 year lease in November this year which was the old pre-pregnancy plan. This will cost £2.5k - if we hand the car back I'll be charged £5-700 for exceeding the allowed 40k milage.

Baby is due in early November and thanks various issues - paying off my credit card in full, paying off all money owed to BF I'm debt free but I'm unlikely to have the full amount saved to buy out my car.

I've asked if he might help me out with this but he's refusing based on it having 3 doors and being impractical with a kid? I've also got an offer from my parents to help on the car.

Is a 4 door car necessary to have as a run around on maternity leave? we will already have a 5 door for trips and when he isn't at work. I also have a big commute and do some quite heavy business miles so want a car I trust.

Is it unreasonable / impractical to want to keep my car? Am I being a spoiled brat about this or is BF wanting to palm off his old car on me falsely economising if we will be getting another car in a year/18 months anyway?

I had a 3 door car until DD1 was about 18 months, it was absolutely fine. I got a bigger one when expecting DD2 (and now going bigger again as expecting number 3!)

My friend has 2 young children and a 3-door. A 5-door is more practical but a 3-door is definitely workable. The main concern should be boot space - does the pram fit? What else can you get in there?

Honestly, I think he should leave off buying a new car until you’re ready to get rid of your 3 door so you’re not in this position now. Would it be cheaper to hand back your car in November? If so, get him to wait until then for his new car then take his old one.

There’s absolutely no way I would turn down even the worst quality 5 door in favour of a 3 door (as long as the 5 door has isofix points), 3 doors are a total nightmare with car seats.

How old is the 5 door? Personally I think a 5 door would be easier with a baby but then I’ve only had one (3rd hand) car so I’m not a guru!

I would much rather a reliable 3 door than a ‘on its last legs’ 5 door. Thr inconvenience of the car seat would be nothing compared to the inconvenience of breaking down on a motorway with a baby, for example!

Why can't you drive the 5 door and he have the 3 door for work?

that was quick!

I think my main concern is that I'm planning on going back to work after about 7 months and doing a big commute and milage on a dieing car? I'm also concerned I will have even less than no money after Mat leave to be able to afford running/ fixing an old car?

We've not tried pushchairs or anything yet I'm sure there will find something that fits, it's fitted 2 full size adult bikes in the back before now.
It has massive side doors and the front seats fold forward and slide so I think getting in to strap in a child shouldn't be too hard. Maybe I should ask to borrow our friends car seat for an afternoon and try fitting and getting it in and out to see how it would be in reality?

How old/beaten up is his old car? As someone who has always driven cars that are at least 8+ years old, I'm often astonished by what people consider to be past it. If it's genuinely unreliable that's one thing, but if it's just not as new and shiny as yours then I'd take the 5 door.

Op I drove a 3 door fiat punto for the first two years of my baby's life. So yes it is doable. I was able to fit my grace evo into the boot with just enough room. Any shopping I bought went in the front seats etc and I've never had any problems.

I would keep the car that's more reliable and warm. Not fair on you and the child to be driving in a car that may break down at any point and potentially won't be as safe. Put your foot down.

Ps if you bring your car to mothercare they actually let you bring the pranks out to test if they fit in the boot which is great. And the car is just for you and baby so if doing any family journeys just go in dp car

Graco evo

Isn't there a bigger issue here about how you deal with money? In the OP there's a bit of back on forth on whether it's his car, your car or your joint car - but you say you wouldn't be able to afford repairs to the old car. Surely, if he wants you to have that car for the baby, it's a joint responsibility? And isn't one solution that he uses your little car while you're on mat leave, and perhaps after that if you're the one doing all the nursery drop-offs/collections? Or that he keeps the old car and you drive what would have been 'his' new car? It seems like you're expected to finance this baby-friendly car alone, which seems very unfair.

I had a 3 door Clio and I'm no gonna lie it was a massive pita. I could only sort the seat out if the door was wide open, which made parking a nightmare. There aren't enough wide spaces and some of the car parks in our area get really full. Plus the buggy was a pain to get in the boot.
I was so happy when I eventually swapped it for an estate.

Exactly what @LisaSimpsonsbff has said, can you not just switch cars around for some time? Or look into buying a joint car for when the baby is here. We have just traded in my 08 Ford Fiesta (3 doors) for a newer Ford Focus (5 doors) as between us we had the fiesta and a newer 3 door corsa. We decided as a family we needed something with a bigger boot, so we made a joint purchase and will switch cars to suit (although we still call the corsa his and the focus mine!) it was only fair we made it a joint purchase as I had no intention on changing my car, but it was the older car, with more miles, so we shared the burden of the extra costs, much like he will pay more towards the mortgage whilst I’m on maternity leave... because I am taking time off to be with our child!

Our 3 door Peugeot fit our uppababy vista in fine.

We have a mini and a massage big five door. The rule is whoever has the kids gets the five door and the mini is a run around car

Don't buy a new car for children. Babies puke, and poo, and even with the best intentions you'll probably end up allowing them to eat in the car so there will be food about. Plus they kick the seats with muddy shoes and lick the windows. Car seats trash the seat belts and seat foam. School run miles are prone to minor scratches and dings (not necessarily by you!), as are car parks near parks, soft play etc etc.

Practically you want a box on wheels which is reliable, good heater and air con that can be hosed out. As much load space as you can get with the smallest size for parking. Parking sensors are useful.
Sliding doors are a plus for some car parks (but scary for children's fingers).

Cars and kids are a nightmare!

At the end of the day there are compromises with all cars, and cost is an important thing due to maternity and / or childcare costs.. I'd rather have a cheaper car but get a holiday with a toddler.

Check your company policy for business miles. You might not be able to use an older car.

You were in debt to him and on maternity leave you have to save up to buy a car so that your jointly produced baby has something to be carried around it? He drives to work in the new 5 door car which you and precious baby drive around in old car on it's last legs. I hope you are not funding your maternity leave from your savings and then paying for childcare out of your salary.

Answer: Shared finances, joint decisions which are best for the whole family.

When our first child was born, we shared nursery runs and the baby had the big car while the person not on nursery duty that day had the small car.

I think you have a wider issue to discuss about shared finances. It sounds like you aren't married and have had separate finances until now, which you can of course maintain to some extent.

Nevertheless, once the baby comes there will be family expenses to consider and you need to decide how you are going to organise your family money. I would consider a safe car for the primary use of transporting your child to be a family purchase and I completely agree with PP that a reliable 3-door is better than a 5-door on its last legs.

I think the car thing is probably partly me freaking out about losing what I see as my independence. The 3 door car is my first car (I was borrowing parents car before) and I have paid for and funded it for 4 years. Its the biggest thing (other than half the house) that I've paid out for so I'm very attached.

You're all correct in thinking we've never done the shared account thing.

Mostly because it's never felt necessary and we transfer money between us as and when, I've never liked the idea of him seeing what I spend my money on either. (he has an infuriating habit of asking "how much?" but he seems to have stopped after I told him how much it pissed me off!)

I've realised this is going to have to change to some extent as the idea of having to keep asking him for money when I'm on Mat makes my skin crawl - I think my maternity pay will be able to cover the mortgage and house bills but not much else afterwards so relying on him is going to be a massive adjustment as I've always at least tried to pay my way.

I'm 13.5 weeks and I think I'm going through a week of major hormones so Im getting super stressed, irrational and tearful about the whole thing. Reading back through the messages he is offering to leave the New 5 door at home and continue commuting in his old fiesta while I'm on mat leave then we swap when I go back to work and he is off for SPL.

We had a 3 door (Seat Ibiza FR) until ds was a year old. It was perfectly manageable and I could get a massive pram/pushchair in the boot.

I'd take familiar 3 door over old almost at end of life 5 door personally.

By the sounds of it you need to have a sit down and look at finances, you shouldn’t really have to be in a position where you are asking him for money.

We are in quite a nice position where our mortgage isn’t a massive payment each month, so we have both been adding in extra each month to the joint account since we found out baby was on the way. This has meant we have a good amount saved towards mortgage contributions whilst I’m off and DH will make up any shortfall. He will continue to pay his half whilst I’m on mat leave and the savings will cover my half. That leaves my mat pay for us to use as needed- baby clothes, classes, and the run of the mill bills too.

It did take some figuring out, but it doesn’t seem fair that you would end up being wholly dependent on him when it’s a joint responsibility to raise your baby. Have a sit down sooner rather than later and figure out how you can work through the finances together 😊

Surely if you're doing SPL there will also be a period where you're the one earning and so needing to 'sub' him? How do you feel about that? If (as I suspect) you feel just fine then try and remember that he feels the same about you - you're having a baby, not being a burden!

For what it's worth, the way we do things is that we have a joint account that all bills, etc. come out of, and that we both get paid into, but we do also have a 'pocket money' disposable income amount per month and separate account. We do this so we can both spend money on stuff that the other one thinks is wasteful without it coming out of our necessaries budget (once the pocket money is gone, it's gone) and without it being any of the other one's business!

We ran both 3 and 5 door cars during most of the time DC were small.

3 door cars are generally fine. Most back seats are big enough for adults anyway. The only pain is that you have to be a bit more of a contortionist getting them in and out until they are big enough to do so on their own (including putting seatbelts on and off). On the other hand, in a 3 door there are usually no window switches or door handles for them to play with.

When the time came we changed to 5 door cars, since once the DC are over about 8 or 9 they can then get themselves in and out safely and it avoids the need for someone to get out of the front first.