Distance grandparenting

[LaurG]

I am pregnant with my first child. It will be my parents first grandchild and a 5th for my MIL. I live in London and both sets of parents live in central Scotland. I don't want to move home and once the baby comes we will have no room for visitors in our flat. However, both sets of grandparents have mad it very clear that they expect to have a lot of involvement in the childs life. I feel very pressurised to move home and to justify why I don't want to leave my very happy life down here.

TBH I don't have a particularly great relationship with my parents and tbh the idea of spending more time with them fills me with dread. They bicker and fight a lot and are not always pleasant to visit or have in the house. My mother in law is a bit better but she is quite elderly, deaf and quite hard work. Neither set would be able or willing to provide childcare so that isn't an incentive to have them around (not that I would expect them too).

Im just so worried about how we can make this work? We both have other family members here that can put them up if they come to visit but I don't want to put them out. We can't afford to pay for a hotel and there is no space in our flat. We can't afford to move either. How on earth can I give them they involvement they want without making my own life a total misery? If we don't move home (which we aren't) then will they expect us to spend every holiday at home? What solutions are there?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you make it work?

You do not need to rise to their expectations. If they want to visit they can, and can find somewhere else to stay. It really isn't your problem to solve.

You also don't have to spend every holiday in Scotland if you don't want to.

I was married to a soldier (technically still am...)

We moved away. We would make visits every now and then and vise versa.

At the end of the day, if they want to see their grandchild then they should make the effort to visit. Why should you have to think about moving?

Huh? You're not having this child for them so don't worry. They can find and pay for somewhere else to stay when they visit.

I think you might find that they are not very interested in the baby when it comes to it.

Of course you don’t have to move home or spend every holiday at home.

You and your DH will be the parents.
You are therefore in charge.
You decide what is enough.

I live in Scotland and have several friends and relatives who are living in London.

Most bring their kids to visit their parents 2 or 3 times a year at their own convenience. Usually Christmas, possibly Easter and in the summer. In between they call, send pictures or FaceTime so that the Grandparents are up to date.

It’s really not that unusual a situation. Grandparents can have a good relationship even if they don’t live near by.

If your parents visit then it’s their responsibility to organise and pay for accommodation not yours.