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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How long to wait to have a baby when single?

24 replies

Ricoetbello · 22/04/2018 14:46

I haven't been lucky in love in the past few years and I feel like I will be forever single,
I've always wanted to have kids by 32 (I'm 27 now) but I don't think that'll happen as I want to be married before I have a baby. Also I have fertility issues in my family which could effect my conception time.

I thought about having a sperm donor if I'm not married or have anyone by then as I don't want to be old when I have my kids.

How long have you waited to have a child if you've been single?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mimibunz · 22/04/2018 14:50

Surely you wait until you can afford them?

TinyTerror1 · 22/04/2018 14:53

I'm 40. I started dating my husband in Feb 2016. We got married in May 2017 and I'm 16 weeks pregnant. Things can move fast with the right person.

bouncemeup · 22/04/2018 15:12

I knew I wanted children in my 30s so I got going the month before my 30th and I am currently pregnant with my first via a donor. I personally didn't want to risk trying to conceive past 35. At 27 though, you still have plenty of time to meet the right person and get going at 30. Are you able to do a fertility test to see what your fertility is like at the moment? That might give you a bit of reassurance and a bit of time to find the right person.

Oysterbabe · 22/04/2018 15:13

Agree that things can happen quickly with the right person. Be proactive about it, date lots and ditch anyone who isn't hoping for marriage and kids sooner rather than later.

I was 32 when I met my husband. Our timeline was as follows:

August 2013 - first date
July 2014 - moved in
December 2014 - engaged
May 2015 - married
May 2015 - pregnant
January 2016 - baby 1 arrives
April 2017 - pregnant
December 2017 - baby 2 arrives

So 5 years ago we hadn't even met and now we're married with 2 kids.

Mamabear1475 · 22/04/2018 15:17

Just because you meet the right person doesn't mean things will happen quickly. I've been with dh for 6 years and we only had our first child last year. If you feel it is the right time and you are financially comfortable then I would start looking into it now

Ohdearyme2018 · 22/04/2018 15:31

Agree with last poster, I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and have only one ectopic to show for it. If it’s what you want then get cracking x

TinyTerror1 · 22/04/2018 15:41

Sorry, I didn't intend to make it sound like getting pregnant was easy. I know I was lucky and I actually thought we'd be too late.

I just meant, if OP ideally wants to get married first, then she could afford to wait a few years (until 32 as she suggests) to see if that bit happens and take it from there, because meeting -> marriage can go fast if it is the right person.

tierraJ · 22/04/2018 15:47

If I was you I would have a try hard for a year to find a relationship but if no luck after that then go it alone..

I can't 'go it alone' as I have serious MH problems, can't adopt or foster, I'm 41 & too shy to start dating again although I will try.
I would have loved to have children.

If I was in your position with good health that's what I would do.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 22/04/2018 16:13

As PP says me and my husband were married and had two kids by the time we had been together little over five years. Things really can happen first when you meet the right person who wants the same things.

surreygirl1987 · 22/04/2018 16:35

I would leave it AT LEAST another 5 years before you start panicking. I'm 31 and half way through my first pregnancy. At 27 I still hadn't met my now husband. I wanted children and was worried about never meeting the right man to have them with... but it happened very suddenly and we were engaged within a year. We wanted to wait to get married and travel first so put off trying for children until last year. My point is you never know what's just around the corner!

Elllicam · 22/04/2018 16:39

I would leave it a few years too, I was a month shy of 30 when I met my husband. I’m now 36 and we have 3 kids.

Candlelights · 22/04/2018 16:45

27 is young. It's too young to be settling down and having kids in the minds of many blokes. So you might be best looking for a slightly older man if you're in a hurry.

I ended up a single parent, not planned, and think if you stick to one child you'll probably be alright. Two or more on your own is hard though. So at your age I'd definitely try for another 5 years or so to find the right man to have kids with before I started thinking about going it alone. Dating when you're already a mum is a whole lot more complicated.

TwinkleTee · 22/04/2018 17:21

I was 30 when I met my DH, almost 33 when we got married and despite PCOS and fertility probs had our first child at 34.5 (we'd been trying for 18 mths). Now currently about to pop with DC2 at 37. You think you are "running out of time", I certainly did, but you might not be! Being single at 30 totally sucked, but it worked out in the end. Good luck!

SelkieUnderLand · 22/04/2018 17:28

If you are really worried have eggs frozen now.

Somebody else offering you their timeline is useless...

Id say if you arent in a serious relationship by 37, have donor insemination. If you still want to. It might not seem important anymore.

NeverHadANickname · 22/04/2018 17:31

When I was in a similar position I thought I'd wait until I was 30 but it was really more dependant on what I could afford.

Addictedtohavingbabies · 22/04/2018 17:34

If it's what you want, go for it. I got pregnant with my fourth after two months of dating my partner, three months before I turned 30.
I fell pregnant with my first after a short term relationship, then had two children from a long term relationship. Now I have a baby to my husband.
Not everyone's ideal, but I would have considered a donor if I hadn't had them.

Hermie12 · 22/04/2018 17:39

Met oh at 38 and had our daughter at 40. Also healthwise there could have been issues with me conceiving, fortunately there weren’t

ClareB83 · 23/04/2018 08:12

At 30 I checked I was ovulating, researched sperm banks and adoption. I decided since adoption was a possibility I could afford to wait a few more years to find the right person and work on my career a little more.

I met DH at 32, engaged at 33, will give birth to naturally conceived twin boys at 34.

We might have waited longer as it's nice being just the two of you, but we knew fertility rates take a hit at 35 so we wanted to start trying this year.

I'd say 30 is a good age to assess your options.

mindutopia · 23/04/2018 11:36

I really wouldn’t stress about it now. You’re still so young. I was in much the same position as you at 27 (though no fertility issues). Just out of a long term relationship, no luck with dating. I got fed up and decided to move and take a job abroad at 27 to get away from it all. I met my now husband 2 months after I moved and just before I turned 28. We got married 3 years later when I was 30, started ttc later that year and our first was born when I was 32. We’ve just had our 2nd and I’m 37.

Honestly, if you want a relationship and to parent with a partner, I would be patient for now. You still have plenty of time and it is infinitely easier to have a supportive partner to go through it all with if you would want that.

Aylarose · 23/04/2018 14:18

I was wondering exactly the same except that I'm 30, with good dating but not much relationship experience (I am picky). I am also not financially stable so I guess I cannot go down the artificial insemination route for a while anyway.

I really want to meet someone, fall in love and get married first though. It just seems less and less likely and I know that I'll regret it if I get to 45 childless.

Hermie12 · 23/04/2018 14:33

@Aylarose I had just accepted I wouldn't have children when I met my OH at the age of 38. Had our daughter at 40 and at 44 planning our wedding for next year. Don't give up hope

sheddooropen · 23/04/2018 15:06

Look for a relationship until you are 30 and start saving for a sperm donor and baby and then if you aren’t lucky to find someone have a baby on your own

Charlottejade89 · 25/04/2018 14:59

I was the same, I was worried I'd never find the right person. But I met my partner in November 2016, he proposed in November 2017, and we found out we are pregnant with our first baby 2 weeks later. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and engaged in 18 months so it can happen 😊

Loosemoose28 · 26/04/2018 10:16

You don’t know whats round the corner.

At 27 I had a shitty breakup. Vowed I was done- happy on my own.

I was ready to move up north where its cheaper (live nice and expensive south east) I was done living pay packets to paypackets.

Long story short had a sod it moment and went on a Tinder date- he ticked a few boxes and a drink doesnt hurt, right?

Anyway fast forward 18 months he took me totally by suprise and here we are expecting baby no.1 who is rudely now overdue. I too expected fertility issues (endo) but some times it does just happen.

You just never know whats coming next. Don’t over think it. Make a to do list for now- set yourself some challenges. I run so I entered races all over the country, camped alone, saw new places etc

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