Just found out I’m pregnant after having a miscarriage in January. Not sure how this one is going yet and am going for a 2nd scan Monday.
The issue is my boyfriend. He keeps ‘reminding’ me to “don’t drink, smoke or do drugs”. I’ve never even done any drugs and I stopped drinking and smoking as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Just like I did with my previous pregnancy. I only ever used to smoke every now and again, anyhow.
When I said that I went for a coffee today with a friend he said “I hope it was decaf”. I told him it was but how would he react if it wasn’t. He said he’d be quite angry.
I feel like he’s watching my every move waiting for me to make a mistake. He also says things like “I hope you’re taking your vitamins”. I’m beginning to find it all very demeaning and patronising. I was very healthy and did whatever I could to give the baby the best start when I was pregnant last time (eg started swimming very day, made sure I ate lots green leafy veg and had a balanced diet). I never did anything to indicate I would happily drink and stuff while pregnant. He was never like this in my last pregnancy. So I asked what has changed. He said he is just worried since last time. I feel like that indicates that he thinks I did something wrong and that it caused the miscarriage.
I confronted him about how his “reminders” are actually quite upsetting for me since I’m doing my best and I would never drink or smoke while pregnant. He said “well you used to drink and smoke when you weren’t pregnant”. I find that even more insulting because he would often encourage me to drink with him. He’s also commented that “you did better last time” with regard to my diet.
Now that I’ve confronted him about this and told him I’m quite upset and explained that it makes me feel like he thought I did something wrong with our last pregnancy which is why he needs to monitor me now, he’s gone back on everything and told me that he was only saying those things in an ironic way. Apparently he said “don’t drink, smoke and do drugs” because he knew that I never would and that I need to listen to his tone and actually recognise humour. Tbh I don’t find it very funny anyway but the annoying thing is that I know he wasn’t saying those things ironically. We had a whole conversation about it before where I was asking him why he keeps saying these things, and he was answering very seriously. He’s telling me now that he will not talk about it and that the discussion is over. He’s blatantly lying about saying those things in an ironic way to get out of having to talk, but equally he’s making out that I’m the mad one for being upset and now he is acting like the upset one.
I feel so disheartened and belittled, I don’t know what to do.