Pregnant at 38

[Sharpek]

Hi sorry for the long post but I really need help and advice
I have just found out at 38 that I am pregnant with my 3rd child (first 2 by another father)
Ok so I have been with my other half for 10 years we both have children by other people (his is 25 & 23) mine (14 & 17) we both said we wanted no more children and we were happy with that decision. Anyway in January I had to have my coil removed and due to being unable at the time to have another coil fitted I went on the pill. Taken pill everyday no misses and no sickness etc
I found out 5 days ago that I am 5 weeks pregnant. Here is the issue my other half is 52 will be 53 when the baby is born.
He has said he would prefer for me not to have the baby due to his age however he will support me and be there if I decide I want to go ahead with the pregnancy.
I am at a standstill and In a mess, part of me wants the baby part of me thinks it will be too much and to unfair on him and me if I do continue. I know he will support me what ever I decide which makes it harder.
I also know that we will receive a lot of negativity from family (his children) if we decide to have this baby

HELP!!

I'm 31 weeks tomorrow with my DC2, and my DH will be 48 when the baby is born in June. I know everyone's circumstances are different, but I'm sure having a child when you are older shouldn't hold you back from having more. I know my DH doesn't want any more after this, but we are prepared for the fact that he will be a much older dad, and know that his age hopefully shouldn't affect things too much (apart from being a bit more knackered!); hopefully his life experience will stand our son in good stead.

Hope it all goes well, good luck!

You'll need him to do more than 'support you'. You need him to be on board with being a full on loving parent to this child. So I'd clarify that first.

I say that because if he's a bit half hearted it'll breed resentment on both sides and you'd need to factor in possibly being a single parent in a few years.

This child could be a brilliant addition to your lives, keep you both young and bring joy to you all.

It could also keep you in the parent stage of life when you were looking forward to being two grown ups with kids flying the nest soon. In particular will another child mean working longer and not retiring when you'd planned.

I wouldn't worry so much about the views of grown up children, they should be thinking about their own lives. But you do need to consider the impact on you and your husband's lives for the next 20+ years.

Also are you fit and healthy or will it be a struggle for either of you to chase a toddler in a few years. My Mum in her late 50s would be fine but I don't know your DH.

Either decision might be right for you but you should think of the practicalities as well as the emotions in deciding what to do. Good luck.

Personally I couldn't start over again with that age gap but it's no ones buisness but you and your DP. Stuff his family.

You need to sit down and decide together.

My DH was the same age when Ds was born, and it has not been an issue so far, but like you his children were not happy.
He is the best Dad and we have a really happy close family unit and neither of us could imagine life without DS who is just Fab and brings us so much happiness. We are fully committed parents and look forward to seeing him grow up.
No one can give you certainties, but Good luck with whichever way you go. It is your decision and don’t let other peoples agenda give you hard time.

Thank you all.
He has said he would love it and be the best he can if we decided to go ahead with it.
We are both fit and healthy and he has said he understands that he would not be able to retire when he would be due to
Money isn’t really a issue. Although it wasn’t planned when I think of having another baby I do get excited but then I think am I being unfair on him he also doesn’t want me to terminate and then resent him for it.
I know my kids would accept it and be happy with it but do feel his kids would be a issue although I am not overly bothered on what they think to be honest.
So confused

I think if you're both in good health, the consideration I would think about is not his health now, but his condition in 20 years. When this new baby graduates university your partner will be in his 70s. Not to be morbid, but there's a chance, depending on your baby's choices, that your partner won't be around for their wedding, let alone to meet his grandchildren which might be sad for your baby.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying not to have the baby! It's just something I was thinking about recently with people having babies later and later - that many kids will start growing up without really knowing their grandparents.

I do know someone who's in her late 20s now and her dad was in his 50s when she was born. All very happy, no issues!

My DH is 29, his Mum is in her 70s and his dad is nearly there too. They were still active parents: camping in Lake District etc. And they'll shortly get to meet our first children.

They won't be quite as active as when SIL had her first kid 6 years ago as they get tired more easily now but still will be good grandparents.

Hi Sharpek.

We are in a very similar situation, I am 39 and DP is 59. We didn't plan this pregnancy, we had a miscarriage 5 years ago and an ectopic 3 years ago. No need to say that we were shocked when we found out that I was pregnant as we were told it couldn't happen without IVF.

It has been very stressful, mainly at the beginning but now we only have 3 weeks left until our due date and we have started getting excited. DP doesn't feel that he is too old although he knows that he may not be around as long as I will be but he is prepared to enjoy every second. It will be his first child.

Only you know what is best for your family and whichever decision you make it will be the right one for you all. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Best of luck