Traumatic birth but want another - wwyd?

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Hoping for some advice on trying for another baby. I had a tough time having my first who is now 10 mo. I was induced after waters broke with meconium - put straight on a drip. Labour was painstakingly slow and agonising. I had pethidine but wish I had asked for an epidural. Delivery was traumatizing- pushed for hours, begged for a c-section, couldn't sit up or move as I felt very woozy and peculiar but no one told me why (pethidine had worn off and turns out I was developing an infection as I had a temperature but didn't know). Finally baby was born and I had a 3rd degree tear - had to be patched up under GA and also lost 4litres of blood so had a blood transfusion. Was in theatre for 7 hours after birth. Developed sepsis although was nipped in the bud pretty quickly with IV antibiotics. Baby also had to have a course of IV antibiotics as a precaution. I also had to have a CT scan, chest X ray and various other bits and bobs due to some other complications. Left hospital with anaemia, a course of antibiotics to take and a lot of pain. Recovery was slow - couldn't stand or walk for longer than a minute or two for about 4 weeks, then gradually recovered. Told DH I was never doing it again.

Anyway, fast forward 10 months and I am loving being a mum. So much so that I am now really broody for another! My questions are: has anyone had a traumatic birth followed by an ok one? Would I have grounds to ask for an ELCs? If not, could I request a c-section over induction (well, I obviously can request it but would I be granted it?)? I am 30 so while there's no huge rush to have a second I'm conscious that it could take time to conceive again. I am so upset that my first birth went badly as if it hadn't I wouldn't even be questioning trying for another but now there is a part of me that is terrified and I feel as though I will be very anxious during any future pregnancy. Any thoughts or experiences welcome!

First I would ask for a debrief at your hospital. It can really help you process and understand what went on.

Secondly anybody is allowed to request an ELCS in the UK, it's part of the NICE guidelines. They may try to talk you out of it if they do not believe it's your best option - a good thing IMO because they may be able to suggest other options you haven't yet considered, such as an early epidural, but they are not allowed to refuse. FWIW ELCS following a traumatic birth, and ELCS as an alternative to induction are both fairly likely to be easily approved. You will need to have a meeting with a consultant to discuss this choice.

Yes! Not quite as bad as yours but some similar features! The second one for me was a walk in the park. It's often the case. I talked through all that happened during my first delivery with my consultant during second pregnancy and he explained it all and put my mind at rest.

Another yes. Again, 1st one not as bad as yours but 2 days of hell... 2nd one was 4 hours start to finish with no intervention and no repeat tearing etc. 3rd was induced, but again, very quick once everything started and very easy. Good luck! Don't be put off by your experience (though I can see why you would be!)

I had a traumatic birth the first time and was treated for ptsd when I was pregnant the 2nd time (more than 5 years later).
I ended up with an EMCS the first time round, and had to push for an ELCS the 2nd time.. mainly because they kept saying it was "maternal request" for CS the 2nd time.

In the end, I requested to see the consultant at 28 weeks as I'd only seen registrars and the consultant agreed and gave me a date for elcs while I was in the consultation room as she could see how much it was affecting my mental health, and it was clear on my notes that if i went in to labour before the date, I was to be admitted ASAP and given a CS as long as I wasn't at 8-10cm dilated.

My community midwife and the psychologist I saw during pregnancy also wrote to confirm they would support my choice.

Once I had a date a weight was lifted.
I would recommend you do a debrief at the hospital and when pregnant again ask to see the consultant who can reassure you about an ELCS if you want one.

for you OP, sounds like you had a really tough time last time round, and it's no wonder you're apprehensive about trying for your second. I imagine anyone would be. It can take a long time to physically and psychologically get over a birth like that, so I hope you're doing ok.

In my NHS trust, a previous third degree tear is grounds for offering a c section, as is postpartum haemorrhage following vaginal birth, so I am fairly sure that whatever trust you're under, you would be offered this. I would recommend arranging an appointment with your previous consultant to discuss your first birth and your anxieties about having a second baby (if you contact your midwives they should be able to refer you to the appropriate clinic). Some women I know have had a plan put in place for their chosen birth even before they have conceived their subsequent babies due to previous traumatic delivery, because their falling pregnant was dependent on them not having to try for a vaginal birth again.

All the best for the future whatever you decide.

A 3rd degree tear would be grounds to ask for an ELCS and you would most likely get one. Does your hospital run a birth stories clinic? Where you could go through your notes and see what happened and why, might make things a bit clearer.

Wow I'm so sorry you went through all of that, my first birth was quite traumatic with similar features but not as bad. PND due to birth among other things made for a horrible experience I thought I'd never want another one but gave birth 5 days ago to DS2!

Decided we'd try for another when DS was about 14 months old as we wanted a sibling for him. Spent my whole second pregnancy with awful anxiety and some days I couldn't leave the house it would make me sick. Hoped I wouldn't have to be induced a second time but I was and I was a mess. But this time I was straight with the midwives about being terrified and within 15 mins of being on the drip I told them I wanted an epidural. Luckily I had fantastic midwives who encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to get through the labour. If I wanted it I asked for it and my partner was my back up if he felt it wasn't what I wanted.

Point is, do what makes YOU feel more comfortable it's YOUR body and YOUR delivery. Ask for help from everyone, talk it through with your midwife, try and get a debrief if you can. It's so unlikely you'd have a birth like your first. I actually enjoyed most of my second labour despite it being the exact birth I didn't want and it healed lots of trauma from the first. Good luck if you do decide to go for it, I did and it was one of the best days of my life with DS2 was born.

Just as an alternative to think about look at The Positive Birthing Company website and on YouTube
There are lots of positive birth stories of people having their second after a traumatic first delivery. They do an online hypnobirthing course which sounds a bit out there but it really really helps to learn the physiology and science behind everything and how this affects the birth process. It's not about aiming for a natural birth it's just about learning to stay relaxed and calm whatever the eventuality. I have really enjoyed it.

I'm my mum's first. I'm 33.

I was 4 weeks over due - not induced. Awkward position (head and shoulder first) 25 hours of active labour. The epidural had worn off. She had to have an episiotomy. Lost a lot of blood. I was delivered by neville barnes forceps. I was drowning in meconium.

Mum and I had to spend the best part of a week in hospital - me a few days in NICU.

My younger sister and brother were both born naturally, no problems, no drama.

Thank you so much everyone - it's really reassuring to hear people went on to have better births after traumatic first ones! I will definitely look into having a debrief as that may help with anxiety over trying again. It would be so lovely to have another baby and I feel better about thinking about it now - everyone irl just says I'm mad to try again so nice to hear from others who have been in the same boat.